At my breaking point, I hate my mother.

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: At my breaking point, I hate my mother.

you have the capability to drive people crazy.

22

Re: At my breaking point, I hate my mother.

Pardon me dear but your thinking is wrong. Before you reach at this point, have u ever looked at your past? I mean have u ever thought about that today if you are feeling uncomfortable because of your mother, is still the same lady who suffered whole nine months carrying you before your birth and after that, till u grown up. Who knows how much she dishearten when others talked 'looks her daughter (you) looks ugly, attained age 1 and half year yet can't walk nor uttered a single word etc., etc., She at that time tolerated such pointing because of her child (you) till u became to able to understand whats going around you. Have she ever complained to you about this?

All you said about her unbearable behavior, and if her own children won't understand/bare her behavior then who else will going to do? When u were a kid, either you wanted or not she payed attention towards you, hold you in her arms, loved you, adored you, and now she came at this stage where she is expecting the same attention, love from you. So is it too much for you to give it her to back?

Meri baat maano, gussa jaany do, 2 rakat Nafl parho, Almighty Allah se dua maango or apni mom ko aik jadoo ki jhappi do :) Hope the things works out among you.

23

Re: At my breaking point, I hate my mother.

Yeh khoobi to hum sab main paayi jaati hai.

24

Re: At my breaking point, I hate my mother.

Thank you everyone for your opinions and advice. I appreciate it very much.

25

Re: At my breaking point, I hate my mother.

Please read my post again. My mom did not raise me by herself, I was raised by her family and maids and my father. She was never around for anything, school, sports, to talk, for anything at all. As a baby, I was left with my aunt to be taken care of, if I got sick, it was the same thing. There is a reason why I wrote this post explaining how much I resent her. It stemmed from somewhere, don't you think? Who would want to despise their own mother?

"When u were a kid, either you wanted or not she payed attention towards you, hold you in her arms, loved you, adored you, and now she came at this stage where she is expecting the same attention, love from you. So is it too much for you to give it her to back?"

Umm, actually, I have no memories of my mother ever holding me or adoring me or anything of that sort. Instead, it was quite the opposite. I don't EVER remember my mother coming to hug me or talk to me or just sitting with me to ask how my day was. Not a single time. Why? Because she was never around. And if she was, it was always about how other people's kids were better, blah blah. She is the reason I always have lacked self esteem because even as a 9 year old, I was told by her how my friends were so much prettier than me and how dark and ugly I was. When I first got my periods, as a responsible mother, she should have spoken to me and explain things. Instead, it was my aunt who I went to and she told my mom to talk to me about these things. My mother in return told her to just tell me herself and that was it. Hard to believe but yes, there are mothers in this world who are detached and negligent towards their own children.

26

Re: At my breaking point, I hate my mother.

You give me too much credit ... :)

27

Re: At my breaking point, I hate my mother.

:hehe:

28

Re: At my breaking point, I hate my mother.

Safinaz, you need to answer to Allah (swt) for how you manage your relationship with your mother - not to your husband, not to his parents, not to your father, and yes, not even to your mother.

If you know that your own actions are those of a good person (regardless of your mother's provocation and ill-treatment of you), than that is enough.

Consider your challenging relationship with your mother a test from Allah (swt) and if you're the best person you can be, where you don't return her mistreatment with unkind words or actions and just exercise sab'r - then that is enough to hold your head. You are not obligated to love your mother, some women don't know how to be mothers and the whole maa ke kadmon ke neeche jannat hai logic doesn't work with women who mistreat their children.

Oh, and I would suggest getting your dad involved and tell him to warn your mother off from mistreating you in front of your in-laws - that's just not done.

29

Re: At my breaking point, I hate my mother.

LOL. outspoken and blunt as always

30

Re: At my breaking point, I hate my mother.

My heart goes out to you; I know to well what over bearing parenting is like.

The thing about the situation that I realized is that we can't change them.
Everything that is in our hands is what we can change about ourself.

Its obvious that not having her in your life makes you feel bad - so get her back.
Apologize and if she doesnt react then know that you're conscious is clean. And try to move on.

As for taking her with you; our religion gives us much space.
If you had not taken her with you because you knew that there would be drama; Allah would have accepted that. Everything that happens is His will anyway.

I can't get the quote here (at work) but there is something in Islam that says if you fight with a person three times; its best to be quiet the 4th time (rather then continuous drama).

Think of the toll that this is taking onyour husband.
Refocus yourself - don't look behind you and hold her accountable for all the bad things.
Pat yourself on the back for coming out of such a terrible situation a much better and stronger person.
*YOU ARE BRAVE AND KIND AND A SUCCESS. * Alhumdolillah for that.