Assertive.....

So learning to be assertive is crucial to having good relationship and in all walks of life and in creepy situations which @Aqua went thru, every situation you can handle in four ways, Aggressive, Assertive, Passive, Passive aggressive. So dealing with Aquas situation dealing with the guy who got close to her the assertive way would be no aggressive body language, firm voice, confident posture and say, “Sir you are in my personal space and that is making me uncomfortable, I want you to step back please.” Here is a good video and you can discuss here how you handle difficult situations with family, friends, strangers, coworkers etc and share your expertise. Just walking away, not answering etc is either passive or passive aggressive and sometimes they dont play out that well.

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@LP here is one about the percolator effect..

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I have noticed in some cultures and societies, being aggressive is considered the only suitable option irrespective of situation, whereas in some others, being passive and avoidance at all cost is the thing to do to deal with any aggressive provocation.

Being assertive is ideal but most people find it rather difficult to implement it in real life scenarios for all sorts of reasons such as cultural expectations and norms, perceived self-weakness, a desire to avoid any verbal contact, or feeling very intimidated etc.

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You are right about cultures and extreme conditioning where being assertive with say bosses or with parents etc could be considered disrespectful and hence all the pent up anger, anxieties and depressions, I see people put up with things and then have bouts of angers and blow ups. We can change our style ever so slightly as per the video, even when my wife gets mad at the kids she calls them lazy, goes on a long speech about what they did in past etc and they get defensive and there is no resolution. I tried assertiveness with Harris yesterday and it worked really well. I said, I feel you are spending too much time with friends and he will have to make a choice between grades, his athletics and friends and he said he will spend less time with friends so there was a resolution. My first thought was to get mad at him and yell at him, that would have created defensiveness and anger and hurt feelings and everyone would have felt bad and nothing would have been resolved or gotten worse where he would resent studying as it was forced on him.

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I think being assertive with your offspring in relation to their upbringing, goals, life chances and conditioning etc is slightly different from challenging a burly thug or a bully at work, a social gathering or facing off some unknown and unpredictably aggressive stranger in a dark and deserted alley!

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So I deal with public and some people can get damn aggressive and abusive and if you show passiveness they get even more aggressive. I had to train lovely Bridgette and now Kristy in being assertive and it works like a charm. They also teach assertiveness in potentially violent situations. I asked Bridgette to project confidence in her posture, in her body language, in her tone of voice etc. Bullies pounce on scent of weakness. If a guy starts yelling, you look at him non aggressively and in a confident and calm voice say to him sir you are raising your voice and that is making me uneasy could you kindly lower your voice and 99 percent of the time you get compliance. If I meet a thug he wants my money and if I show fear he gets more on a power trip, stay calm, confident voice, posture etc, Say to him it is cool man no problem at all, you can have my wallet. If I start whimpering, crying etc thug get more violent, if I get aggressive I get killed.

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The speaker is not so good but the information is invaluable. @Aqua you need to watch it till the end..also regarding safety issues.

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Lol bobby uncle you have been tagging the wrong aqua this whole time. :hehe: Lekin thank you, I appreciate it. :slight_smile:

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Towards the end he talks about defending prrsonal space so that is worth noting I had a safety book for working alone but a lot of that info is generic so I will post a link like having phones charged cars parked close knowing exits walking in well lit areas etc

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Aqua Ji, simple way of being assertive shertive is to throw shoe.