Asking your partner about education-related decisions...

Lifestyle Relationships
1

A friend’s husband wants to go back to school to get his masters and she’s not as keen on it as him - she thinks that now isn’t the right time given their family and financial obligations.

Let’s say a couple is engaged or married or even just dating, should a partner ask their significant other their opinion on:

  1. What they should study (whether the course/degree helps with professional advancement or just for the sake of greater education)?

  2. When they should pursue their higher education (now, later, full-time, part-time)

  3. How much money they should spend on their higher education/should he/she take a loan to study?

2

Re: Asking your partner about education-related decisions...

yes certainly there should be an exchange of opinions ... but I feel the ultimate decision belong5s to the one considering further education.
1: if applicable only ... if the two partners belong to polar opposite fields .... the what to study questions discussion will be fruitless.
2: yes '- time or lack thereof affects the entire family and brings about a new set of expectations about chores/other family related time commitments and needs to be discussed thoroughly.
3: yes '- sure for same reasons as #2.

3

Re: Asking your partner about education-related decisions...

I don't believe anything related to education needs to be discussed if a couple is dating and/or engaged. We've all heard of cases where engagement break off at the last minute.

Once a couple is married...then yes, anything that effects the both of them should be discussed. Education wise...what further degrees to pursue, where to pursue it, and how much money will be invested (and WHERE that money will come from)....everything should be discussed in a marriage since it effects BOTH of the people in the marriage.

4

Re: Asking your partner about education-related decisions...

Definitely warrants a discussion. Going back to school is not a simple decision - it has a lot of impact on the couple's future. Education in the US and Europe is very expensive, so if the husband is undertaking such a financial liability, it kind of implies some sacrifice from the wife (both in terms of money and time spent together).
Another thing to consider is whether he is taking a loan - in that case what is the plan to pay it off? Loan repayment affects decisions like moving back to your home country - till the loan is paid off, the couple may be stuck in the country they're in.

5

Re: Asking your partner about education-related decisions...

wouldn't it depend on whether the educational program will be flexible for people that are working and pursuing a higher degree?

if a guy is working a menial job like being a store clerk coming from the old country and wants to pursue a degree that would get him a job that pays a lot more for instance in the software engineering field or any better paying field, I really don't see why it would cause a problem. It's would allow the couple to be financially stable in the long run especially if they are just dating or engaged...........

6

Re: Asking your partner about education-related decisions...

my mother has set a very different example with this respect

my dad did his masters and doctorate after marriage

here's the sequence:
-marriage and my dad has 14 siblings so there was that obligation too
- mom gives birth to two sons in pakistan
- off to germany for his masters
- mom gives birth to twins
- back to pakistan
- off to japan for his doctorate
- mom gives birth to another son

so in total during their scholarship times they had anywhere between 2-5 sons to raise and themselves to take care off all on scholarship money

my mom supported my dad's decisions on whatever degree he wanted to pursue whenever he wanted to pursue it...for his betterment....her philosophy was not only would it make my dad happy and allow him to achieve his goals she would benefit from his success as well..

in 2008 my dad graduated with his second masters...my dad had only wanted to take one or two classes but my mother pushed/motivated him into the degree program because she knew it would be good for him

and in turn he (my father) has supported her in her goals too ...

but what i am trying to get at is thats what IMO a life partner is someone who supports you in achieving your goals rather than someone who dissuades you from doing it

i dunno right now your friends hubby wants to do it...i say she should let him to do it in fact support him...because he is enthusiastic about it right now....a few years down the line when she thinks it is the right time...he may not be motivated by that time anymore...like i said a life partner should be supportive

its not gonna be easy considering the family and financial obligations but nothing worth having is easy anyways ...n even though its not easy its not impossible to manage

7

Re: Asking your partner about education-related decisions...

I completely agree. My friends that are married and had spouses that supported their decision to go for higher education are the HAPPIEST. One friend is in a long distance marriage after living w/ her husband for 4 years because he really encouraged her to fulfill her goal of medical school and she is SO happy, aH. Their marriage and relationship is one that I would want to emulate. Even though at first glance their situation seems sucky: both live in 2 diff countries, students loans, age (can't have kids yet cuz of school), this isn't an issue at all for them

8

Re: Asking your partner about education-related decisions...

that's beautiful i know a few ppl who are in that situation cuz the wife has gone for med school

and ur ryte they are happy they love each other unconditionally are proud of their spouse's achievements and respect each other ...thats not to say other marriages dont have that just saying i havent noticed anyone who is unhappy with a (long distance) marriage in which one spouse is supporting the other's decision for higher education and actually making it easy for them to achieve their dream instead of becoming an obstacle themselves