I have been thinking of an issue lately. A lot of my friends in the past have turned out to either just use me or just leave me when they met new people.
For a very long time I have been depressed and sad to realize the fact that I have lost these friends for good. A lot of you might remember my posts about friends and also that I have moved to another country after I got married.
It has been like cutting off someone’s bonds harshly. That’s how I have felt when I have moved and later realized that those persons I had considered to be close friends for the past 10+ years actually turned out to be selfish and jealous creatures. Still I tried to rationalize that these girls have problems with their families etc etc but it just didn’t make any sense to me after all.
Anyhow, so once I was done rationalising and realizing things I decided to move on and get to know new people. I am a person who value friendship a lot and do my best to make my friends and loved ones happy.
Once I started meeting new people I felt that I don’t trust anyone like I used to do. But then I tried to open up and unfortunately I realized AGAIN that this was just the wrong person. She happens to know my SIL and seems like a person who talks a lot about other people. I am afraid that she might tell SIL about stuff that I have openly spoken to her about. So now I have decided not to be in touch with her since I don’t want to be part of the gossip she tells here and there.
Likewise I have met other people here who have just disappointed me or hurt me without any reason. Like ppl who I don’t even know very well – they can say such harsh stuff to me one time and another time just pretend that nothing happened.
I feel that I have become even more sensitive than I was ever!! And at the same time I know that I am not demanding too much when I expect people to behave properly with respect to each other. I feel that I am so unlucky when it comes to friendship. Hubby says that I shouldn’t worry too much and that he is my best friend. Yes he is. But I also feel the need to have girls as friends since one can talk girly stuff with them and do stuff that hubby might not find interesting.
I actually feel so lonely here. I am used to a large family and here I only have my husband and his family which isn’t too bothered to even give a call in all the months I was sick and not working due to this illness!! I miss the warmth that a family shares and I miss the bonds of friendship!!
Perhaps I am just living in a dreamworld thinking that all families are warm and that there are still people who can be good friends. Do you think that this is normal or have you also experienced that this world is just becoming a cluster of selfish ppl who only contact you when they are in need of something?? Or is it just me getting depressed without any reason? And should I just leave the option of finding good friends here and just have fun with hubby and go for outing and do stuff with him only …..
I have been thinking of an issue lately. A lot of my friends in the past have turned out to either just use me or just leave me when they met new people.
For a very long time I have been depressed and sad to realize the fact that I have lost these friends for good. A lot of you might remember my posts about friends and also that I have moved to another country after I got married.
It has been like cutting off someone’s bonds harshly. That’s how I have felt when I have moved and later realized that those persons I had considered to be close friends for the past 10+ years actually turned out to be selfish and jealous creatures. Still I tried to rationalize that these girls have problems with their families etc etc but it just didn’t make any sense to me after all.
Anyhow, so once I was done rationalising and realizing things I decided to move on and get to know new people. I am a person who value friendship a lot and do my best to make my friends and loved ones happy.
Once I started meeting new people I felt that I don’t trust anyone like I used to do. But then I tried to open up and unfortunately I realized AGAIN that this was just the wrong person. She happens to know my SIL and seems like a person who talks a lot about other people. I am afraid that she might tell SIL about stuff that I have openly spoken to her about. So now I have decided not to be in touch with her since I don’t want to be part of the gossip she tells here and there.
Likewise I have met other people here who have just disappointed me or hurt me without any reason. Like ppl who I don’t even know very well – they can say such harsh stuff to me one time and another time just pretend that nothing happened.
I feel that I have become even more sensitive than I was ever!! And at the same time I know that I am not demanding too much when I expect people to behave properly with respect to each other. I feel that I am so unlucky when it comes to friendship. Hubby says that I shouldn’t worry too much and that he is my best friend. Yes he is. But I also feel the need to have girls as friends since one can talk girly stuff with them and do stuff that hubby might not find interesting.
I actually feel so lonely here. I am used to a large family and here I only have my husband and his family which isn’t too bothered to even give a call in all the months I was sick and not working due to this illness!! I miss the warmth that a family shares and I miss the bonds of friendship!!
Perhaps I am just living in a dreamworld thinking that all families are warm and that there are still people who can be good friends. Do you think that this is normal or have you also experienced that this world is just becoming a cluster of selfish ppl who only contact you when they are in need of something?? Or is it just me getting depressed without any reason? And should I just leave the option of finding good friends here and just have fun with hubby and go for outing and do stuff with him only …..
awww... i can relate to your situation. ive been extremely unlucky when it comes to friendship. the reason why i drifted apart was mostly incompatibility, lack of time and secretiveness. when i m friends with someone i expect them to find time for me(and believe me u can if you really care and love someone), someone who dusnt hide things from me(i want COMPLETE transperancy) and someone who understands me. unfortunately ive never had even a single friend who i could b happy with. maybe its just me. like u think somethin is wrong with u... i do too, every single day. maybe i m a bit too demandin but this is how i want the relationship to me. pure and transparent and alot of timne together.
honestly i have lost hope and am no longer interested in makin friends. although on numerous occasions i feel so vulnerable and alone, i cant tell u. but u gotta find a friend u can just hang out and chit chat with, nothin to serious and stuff... one of my cousins just shifted from pak, shes like 10 yrs older than me but i really enjoy her company once or twice in a month. we do shoppin, talkin, gossiping and all girly stuff... so just dun stress urself out on the friend bit. let nature take its course. if u find someone nice in between... stick to them but remember not to b v emotionally attach. hope this helps :)
I dont think you're asking for too much Chameli...I know how you feel. I do think you need to be more careful in the amount of trust you give people when you decide to become friends with them. Real friendships take time to build and no one will become a bosom buddy in a few days. Its like any relationship out there...you have to take it slow.
Dont speak freely in front of people unless you know for a fact they are your best friends and love you.
Dont become too focused on them
Do not share things about your marriage or husband with anyone unless its your sister or a friend who has become like a sister. Strangers or acquaintances dont owe you anything...not even privacy.
Go out, meet people and take your time getting to know them before you trust them. Find the ones you seem to have good conversations with and can identify with your situation. Spend time with them to find out more about them: their friends, their likes, dislikes, habits, etc. See if these things are compatible with your morals, beliefs and lifestyle.
Building friendships is not as easy as it was when we were young. We had nothing to lose so we trusted people without any hesitation. But now, we have to be careful who we're allowing into our lives.
Remember, people will hurt you only if you allow them to. Your first priority is to protect yourself.
^ wat more i can say......
i do have frds but i have once read this qoute "kesi par etna aithbar maat karo ke ager wo tumhara dushman ban jahe tu tumhari raton ki need katam ho jahe" so i dont tell 'em anything which they can use against me.....i do wish i have a person who i can share each and everything abt me witout worring that they might backstabe me.....cuz that wat most of 'em do.
I actually feel so lonely here. I am used to a large family and here I only have my husband and his family which isn’t too bothered to even give a call in all the months I was sick and not working due to this illness!! I miss the warmth that a family shares and I miss the bonds of friendship!!
i can totally relate with you here, i also came here after getting married and more than the culture shock itself...it was getting used to being completely self-reliant and the loneliness that comes with it, that was really hard. on the other hand, im much closer to my mother and sister now who are back home...i share with them more than i used to before getting married, i had friends then for that, who all seem to have gone on with their lives...such is life.
you have all us here as friends and you can talk about all ur girly things here :)
hope it gets better for u. i have moved into a unknown area after wedding and its hard to meet ppl who are genuine. suppose its the way life is
Yes I know I can share stuff here at GS. but sometimes when I do that, certain ppl just get angry for me sharing stuff about for example in-laws...its frustrating to get such reactions when GS sometimes is the only channel where I can let go of my frustrations....
but I will try to ignore such comments and still use GS for that;)
I dont think you're asking for too much Chameli...I know how you feel. I do think you need to be more careful in the amount of trust you give people when you decide to become friends with them. Real friendships take time to build and no one will become a bosom buddy in a few days. Its like any relationship out there...you have to take it slow.
Dont speak freely in front of people unless you know for a fact they are your best friends and love you.
Dont become too focused on them
Do not share things about your marriage or husband with anyone unless its your sister or a friend who has become like a sister. Strangers or acquaintances dont owe you anything...not even privacy.
Go out, meet people and take your time getting to know them before you trust them. Find the ones you seem to have good conversations with and can identify with your situation. Spend time with them to find out more about them: their friends, their likes, dislikes, habits, etc. See if these things are compatible with your morals, beliefs and lifestyle.
Building friendships is not as easy as it was when we were young. We had nothing to lose so we trusted people without any hesitation. But now, we have to be careful who we're allowing into our lives.
Remember, people will hurt you only if you allow them to. Your first priority is to protect yourself.
oh luv it will get better u will begin to recognize time passers and friends eventually. dont stress
Yeah but I feel like such a dumbo who couldnt see what kind of 'friends' I was wasting time on. I have wasted more than 10 years of my life on the wrong people!! and they know so many secrets and private stuff about me that they can tell others which they in fact most probably are doing!
I feel stupid that I shared myself with them and gained nothing!!!
chameli ur not the only one in this situation. most of us have probably done the same thing. i remember when i was at high school and college and there were girls who were so sweet to my face but would say so much about me the sec my back was turned. it was very bad cos they would actually go as far as saying to my close friends if u talk to her u cant be our friends, how childish. anyway, i know that i really was genuine to them but never really got that friendship in return and just left them to it. i didnt hold any hatred in my heart, cos i didnt want to turn into a ugly person the way their personalities had made them so i moved on and learnt from it.
even today i dont have the most friends i cud have but i have got married and moved away into a different area where i dont know anyone, but i have the most understanding and sweet husband anyone could ask for and he is so much more worth it than all those girls put together. plus, i have my sisters to talk to about the girly things in life and we meet and go for lunch and shopping, cos we're more close than friends and wudnt do each other over like our friends have done to us.
just have faith and count urself lucky that atleast u have a good husband. u will eventually find good friends, just dont go searching for them.
yeah things take time and if one doesnt involve one self in activities one just gets depressed at home...missing the old 'friends' and thinking about the time spent with them.
I have had a hard time after I moved. its not that easy to make new friends at this age. its different when you go to school and meet ppl but when you work ppl are not always that willing to include you in their life and they have their netwrok from before so they dont bother.
well I have joined the gym and working on loosing all the fat I have gained by staying home.hehehe...hopefully that mission will help feeling better
