For those of you how are married, how did the rishta talk came along? (if you dont’ mind me asking) ..
coz as far as i see, desis, always look for a “middle family” to introduce both parties to each other, so if you like someone and would want to get married to her, your parents are not likely to call her parents and just simply ask.. they would rather be more happy to have an “middleware” to introduce both families..
that’s the problem i am having.. my parents agree just dont’ knw how to start the whole rishta talk
Also through a middle family, well actually my uncle (khalu) who introduced us to eachother and got the thing rolling.
I know what you mean, mostly dont have courage to go directly into rishta talks, so they search for middle families/people. But it doesnt harm to ask directly, if no such links are available.
So I gather, you like someone but dont know how to approach them?
SaadiaB i like someone, i have approached her, i told my parents, now they want to meet her parents (obviously) .. but they dont' knw how to go about that.. coz the families have never met each other
Well something like this happened to someone I know. The guy meet the girl during his university course and they both liked eachother and wanted to marry. Well the boy convinced his parents (he was enganged to another girl at that time) and took his parents to the girls place and the talks got started, now they will soon be married. Well mostly its the guys family that go to the girls family and ask for rishta. Talk to the girl, tell her that your parents want to come over for rishta talk and that they should suggest a date for .. (chai shai ;)) WELL then go there with your parents and meet the people and if everything goes well it shouldn't be such a hard task, just be yourself and take things easily.
hehe Saadia baji, that is the plan but here are few maslay..:
Different cities, not that far though.
Before telling her kay i am bring my parents, she has to tell prep her parents too and i have to convience my parents kay we are going forsure.. coz see my parents might not like the idea of me setting up the whole thing.. they wanna do this themselves i guess and they are clueless..
My husband and i met while in California and let our families (his in Canada, mine in the mid-west) know we were interested in someone....
His sister visited to check me out gave the scoop to his family in Jan. His Dad called my Dad in pakistan in Feb. His dad and he visited my family in March. His entire family came in June to visit my family when my dada jee was in America and asked my Dada aboo for my rishta.
what about an auntie jee-family friend type of woman close to the family or you? or any khala/mamu/mami etc who are confident enough to go the girls house and speak to them directly…?
mine was through a third party, a family friend of my husbands told my family about my hubby and his family and then introduced us.
My sister in law’s in-laws did not have an inbtwn family for her rishta. When her husband told his mom he liked this girl, she couldn’t find anyone to do the introduction and then just went and knocked on the door of my in-laws and said oh i was in the neighborhood and wanted to say hi.
My mother in law had no clue who this lady was but was nice to her…they chatted and my sis n law’s m law (meri nand ke saas) visited several times b4 she asked for the rishta…
Crazy isn’t it?
Do you have trusted cousins/uncles/friends?
In this day in age…i think people are not so stuck to tradition and are more open to direct contact if done nicely…
We were in a similar situation; our parents had not been in touch for decades (they had known each other thirty years ago when they worked together). We told our parents individually and got engaged alone (okay, don't do that), lekin in my case, it was my fiance who got in touch with my dad and my dad got to know that his motives were honorable. I think that's the biggest concern of the girl's family when she likes someone they don't know about so if I were you, I'd just take up the gauntlet myself. Don't leave everything to your parents. Because her parents don't know yours, you will have to work hard already to make them trust you, so this is the perfect way to start. Tell both sets of parents that you will arrange a time for them to meet, preferably at your place.
Oh, I just read that you guys live in different cities. In that case, you and your parents can fly there. I don't see the point in doing the whole thing over the phone when you and the girl are serious. Better meet sooner than later.
