My sister is going through a tough situation (like mentioned in the previous thread)…
We decided to go for a divorce before it gets to late (after all, she has seen the guy just one week after her nikah, and that was in 2011) and there was no rukhsati done.
I was wondering if you all could help me with things to remember or discuss with the lawyer?..
1: Chances are that he might not sign the papers…
2: If she gets married to someone else, they might cause trouble or problems
3: He borrowed money from my sister and hasn’t payd back yet.
What should be discussed more and what things are important to consider before taking such steps (like talaak?)?
please do remember us in ur prayers, as we all are going through a hard time, specially my sister.
i would say it's a legal matter. it's hard to tell because i dunno where your sister and her husband reside. every country has it's own divorce courts.
without a proper Islamic divorce, a woman can NOT legally marry...[in the sight of Allah]. a woman can ask for Khulaa. there are two separate issues regarding a divorce. Islamically, a verbal divorce is good enuf to remarry while from the law of the land point of view a legal divorce through courts are necessary to remarry [as it is in most western countries].
I was wondering if you all could help me with things to remember or discuss with the lawyer?...
1: Chances are that he might not sign the papers...
2: If she gets married to someone else, they might cause trouble or problems
3: He borrowed money from my sister and hasn't payd back yet.
What should be discussed more and what things are important to consider before taking such steps (like talaak?)?
Your sister is in the UK and the guy in PK right? I assume you guys are going to a lawyer in a the UK? Just tell the lawyer the entire story and bring ALL documents with you (immigration document, marriage etc.). Any e-mails or anything written where your sister was threatened in any way by the guy or his family etc. Let the lawyer know why your family believes he will not sign the papers willingly. And then let the lawyer handle it.
I wouldn't worry about getting the money back. You already have a guy who may not agree to the divorce.....trying to demand for money or any other material items will most likely only delay the process. If I were your family, I'd let the lawyer know that the ONLY thing you guys want is a divorce finalized as soon as possible.
LOL @ #2. Why don't you guys get the divorce finalized first before worrying about her marrying again. If and when she gets married again, and IF at that time her ex-husband causes problems....then worry about it then. There's nothing the lawyer can do right now to prevent all that.
So that means that next to the divorce procedure in uk… We need to aplly a khula process in pk aswell?
Thanks Paheli!! Yes we will go a lawyer in the uk. Told her to pack her nikah nama, the translation, whatsapp chat history, voice recordings and all…
The second question was like what IF… Ofcourse we aint planning things like that but i was wondering if it would b handy to discuss such matters…
We do have other doubts… The boys fam has some judges in the fam in pk, what if they decide to appeal against the divorce just to make things longer and worser, will the uk lawyer have jurisdiction to help in pk? Or do we need to have a backup plan (a backup lawyer in pk?)
Don't worry so much about #2. People do get remarried after a divorce and since she got a khulla before the shadi/rukhsati.....then prospective rishtas can also take that to mean that there must have been serious issues with the guy for it to have ended in such a way. He's going to be faced with questions an greater scrutiny as well with future rishtas. I'm curious....since you're worried about them sabotaging chances of your sister getting remarried...is the groom and his family related to you? I think that after this ordeal....your parents need to give your sister a break and not rush into another rishta/marriage...and be more open-minded about the process ...as in consider rishtas outside of Pak as well/give your sister the freedom to find someone on her own/or at least give her time to really get to know a rishta before deciding to marry. Rather than becoming stressed out about how the guy and divorce label can hinder her marital chances....focus more on how things can be done differently/more better in the future (as in not repeating the same mistakes).
As for the money he owes your sister, do you have any tangible evidence of that? I don't know much about legal rulings....but since you're getting a lawyer....maybe this detail can be worked into the settlement. And if it can't and chances of seeing that money again are remote.....then you have to decide if pursuing it is worth the drama/tension or if it's better to let it go.
They've made it easier to get divorced in Pakistan. A lot of time the guys weren't willing to give divorce. If the guy doesn't show up for I think its either 2 or 3 hearings, the girl gets a divorced through court. And if the guy does show up, he better have good reasoning as to why he wasn't a good husband to her. You should also get in touch with a trusted lawyer in Pakistan.
Don't worry so much about #2. People do get remarried after a divorce and since she got a khulla before the shadi/rukhsati.....then prospective rishtas can also take that to mean that there must have been serious issues with the guy for it to have ended in such a way. He's going to be faced with questions an greater scrutiny as well with future rishtas. I'm curious....since you're worried about them sabotaging chances of your sister getting remarried...is the groom and his family related to you? I think that after this ordeal....your parents need to give your sister a break and not rush into another rishta/marriage...and be more open-minded about the process ...as in consider rishtas outside of Pak as well/give your sister the freedom to find someone on her own/or at least give her time to really get to know a rishta before deciding to marry. Rather than becoming stressed out about how the guy and divorce label can hinder her marital chances....focus more on how things can be done differently/more better in the future (as in not repeating the same mistakes).
As for the money he owes your sister, do you have any tangible evidence of that? I don't know much about legal rulings....but since you're getting a lawyer....maybe this detail can be worked into the settlement. And if it can't and chances of seeing that money again are remote.....then you have to decide if pursuing it is worth the drama/tension or if it's better to let it go.
Not directly family no... The boys side of the fam belongs to the same biraderie like we do... And my phupo (we have no contact with dads side of the fam) is married to the boys chachu... But my phupo is a cruel women, so she is just happy that things didn't worked out for my sister... She even threatned my mom during the nikah of my sis with "nikah to karliya, ab rukhsty to kar key dikhao"...in shaa allah! I hope ur words become true! And that he will face insecurity his entire life!
Nyways...yes we have tangible evidence of the money giving issue.. My sis has transfered money from her bank, so she has a receipt of that and ahe has the convos on whatsapp and skype...he evwn offered her to pay back, but never did.
My sis is free to go n do what ever she wants, but it was just a question we were wondering about. Same would b for what id they try to harm her if she goes on a holliday to pk... I dunno what these syco minded ppl are capable of...
They've made it easier to get divorced in Pakistan. A lot of time the guys weren't willing to give divorce. If the guy doesn't show up for I think its either 2 or 3 hearings, the girl gets a divorced through court. And if the guy does show up, he better have good reasoning as to why he wasn't a good husband to her. You should also get in touch with a trusted lawyer in Pakistan.
Do u know what time frame thw hearings are? Like do they call the guy in 1/2 months gap?... And would that also be the deal with the divorce papers sent from uk to pk?
The boys side of the fam is coming with rediculous stories, like my sister has demanded 12lakh rupees etc (non of this a true) what if he uses that in court? And the judge is the taya of the boy ors?...
The second question was like what IF... Ofcourse we aint planning things like that but i was wondering if it would b handy to discuss such matters...
We do have other doubts... The boys fam has some judges in the fam in pk, what if they decide to appeal against the divorce just to make things longer and worser, will the uk lawyer have jurisdiction to help in pk? Or do we need to have a backup plan (a backup lawyer in pk?)
At this point, you guys are worrying about too many "what if's" without even knowing what exactly the process will be for the divorce. Heck what if lightening hits him next week and he dies? No, I don't see any point in bringing up your fear of WHAT IF he causes problems (you don't even know what type of problems) in the future IF you sister re-marries.
Again, when the lawyer tell you what the process would be, ask him if you need a lawyer in Pakistan. There are many possibilities of what can happen. Heck your sister could catch a break and just maybe the guy will just sign the papers so he can start looking for his next victim. The point is that you really don't know what the guy's family is going to do UNTIL the papers are filed. So stay focused on getting a divorce filed and finalized as soon as possible. And since you don't even know the exact legal process of a divorce like this, you guys really need to talk to a good UK lawyer 1st before coming up with more "what if's".
I also agree with RV in that please don't pressure you sister into another marriage yet. Wait until the divorce is final...which will probably take months if not years. And after that, allow your sister to bring up the topic of marriage. Give her the freedom to decide her future.
If the marriage wasn't consummated, I'd apply for an annulment and go that route versus a divorce. I don't think you should give the money he owes your sister another thought...kiss it good bye and focus on getting her out.
If the lawyer says 1.5 years it doesn't matter what anyone on Gupshup says. That's the time it will take because unfortunately legal proceedings are not quick and easy.
Soo just got back from the lawyer... She told me it would take max 1.5 year before my sister will get rid of that *@#%&%@
But thats just wayyy to long... Is there any quicker way?? i thought the pakistani way of divorce was long... But this is also a heck of time :s
LOL.....you think someone on GS will know more than an actual lawyer that does this for a living?
I already mentioned to you earlier that it will take months if not years to get this finalized. Actually, given the situation (2 different countries, husband probably won't cooperate etc.), 1.5 years seems pretty fast. I know plenty of people for whom it took longer.
Plenty of time has been wasted already. Stop wasting more. The sooner you get the paperwork started....the sooner the time clock starts ticking.
Soo just got back from the lawyer... She told me it would take max 1.5 year before my sister will get rid of that *@#%&%@
But thats just wayyy to long... Is there any quicker way?? i thought the pakistani way of divorce was long... But this is also a heck of time :s
I am surprised at this actually.
I'd try to look around also a bit on my own...do some research and talk to a few different people. I had three different lawyers and in the end I ended up representing/filing my entire case myself.
Well i am a bit confused, cuz i thought the total procedure would take less time… And its not about not starting the paperwork or wasting time… i was just wondering if there would be any other way to get out of this mess a bit quicker…Its not about knowing more about the law, but more as in if someone has some experience with it and if there was any other way …
Thanks Reha!.. I was a bit shocked when the lawyer said that it would take that long…i will try to find some info by myself to there has to be some other way right? :S
^ Actually, yes....at least in the U.S., it is all about knowing the law and how things actually work through the court system. It's also about knowing the local judges and what they'll allow/won't allow. If you think you can find another way to make this process quicker....a way that the lawyer doesn't know about....then by all means continue doing your research. But keep in mind that every divorce is different. So someone else's personal experience really won't help you much UNLESS every-single-thing in their situation is identical to yours.....and even then there's no guarantee. Given the fact that the husband is in a different country and most likely will not cooperate with the divorce according to you....this is not a easy situation.
Also you guys talked about a divorce only OR did you also ask about an annulment?
Either way....good luck with whichever course you guys decide to take. :)
We asked the lawyer about annulement and she said that this would only be possible if there were hidden things in the relations (for example is the guy was a bloodsibling who got married with my sister, and we came to know about it far after the nikah..or issues like these) otherwise there is no posibillity for an annulement of the wedding... The only way would be divorce...
i have made another appointment with a lawyer for tomorrow, i might get some new information from him...
