I think this might have been discussed previously; apologies if you get bored.
What do people think about arranged marriages? Are they more advantageous than love marriages? Is being married better than just having lots of girlfriends/boyfriends? I’ve noticed lots of people here who are married or engaged. How did u find your partner?
Thanks.
Re: arranged marriages
OK. Lemme give it a try. The experts look busy at the moment.
I always find it hard to define 'arranged' or 'love' marriage. There can be some sort of arrangement in love marriages. There can be some sort of love in arranged marriages. There can be a marriage that was neither arranged nor 'love'. Well, an ideal desi match strikes a balance between this arrangement and spontaneity. Which is better? I guess, a marriage that has a bit of both love and arrangement factors.
Personally, I find it stupid to marry a person whom you know only through your relatives and friends. In other words, a 'pure' arranged marriage is something I don't believe in. The 'good' thing about it is that most people entering such arrangements are likely to have less expectations, because they're already letting others decide their future. So, there's a possibility that they would stick together all their lives and make life for their kids a living hell. They have given in to the social pressure. These social compulsions can keep them together. Another good thing is that they can always blame their parents or the people who arranged this marriage for them, if things don't work out.
In a 'pure' love marriage, generally, you gotta take some responsibility for your actions. The good thing about love marriage is that you're following your heart ... I mean proverbial heart. That is, if you believe in this proverbial heart thing. The person who believes in love marriage must know about the capricious nature of this heart. The bad thing about it -apart from taking responsibility of your action- is that if you face even the slightest problem in your matrimonial life, all your relatives are likely to tell you, "I told you so". So, one might grow sick of 'I-told-you-so' people.
So, as I indicated above, an ideal desi match should be both arranged and love. This way, parents can blame kids; and kids can blame parents.
OK, now I come to boy friends and girl friends. Is it better than being married? Let's not talk about that ... No boy friends, girl friends! Sorry!
What I say doesn't even make sense to me! Where are the experts?
Re: arranged marriages
dunno…I’m more thinking about arranged loved celibate:D
Re: arranged marriages
come on aunties. don't hold back those gems of wisdom.
Re: arranged marriages
I’ll say yes to that question of yours. The reason is because the girl/guy you get married is the fully life time commitment and you both get to know each other on a level of psychologically and physically. Having just bf and gf isn’t enough. For time being it seems like the best relations to be in, but then demands and needs of relationship grows and that can’t be fulfilled by just being a gf/bf.
About arrange and love marriages, I certainly don’t have specific answer to give to you. I would prefer love marriage combined with arrange marriage in a way I like someone and love to tell my parents about it. Then certainly I would go with my parents approval for that dude. Same thing goes with the guy.
Re: arranged marriages
but the way desis do it is to meet someone, e.g. at university or at a party, see them for a few weeks, and then let parents take over negotiations for marriage. do u think a few weeks is enough to judge whether u ought to marry someone? in the West, they say u should first meet someone, be their bf/gf for a few months, then shack up with them, and then get married. what do u think?
Re: arranged marriages
my marriage is arranged and now me any my hubby luv each other , parents know better wat is right n wat is wrong 4 their kids so i am in totaly favor of arrange marriages
Re: arranged marriages
Mine was a love marriage which eventually was arranged by the parents.....
i have to say i think it is important to at least have some communication with ur future spouse as it gives u a sense of excitement and spices up your relation with each other,
this can be for an arranged marriage 2.
In most cases being too frank and wholly in love doesn't always help before marriage, as i have heard in many cases it gives rise to false impressions which cause problems after marriage. but not always the case.........so it will depend on what type of person you are.]
In conclusion if it is an arranged marriage def try and bring a bit of fondness for each other b4 the marriage(if possible).
Re: arranged marriages
i tend to agree. i think this whole whirlwind romance thing being the best way to meet someone has really been exaggerated to the hilt. they call it 'love' when in fact it's just infatuation soaked with hormones that wears off after a few months.
i think, provided your partner is carefully chosen and compatible with your personality, you should eventually get to love each other in the true sense, i.e. be fond of each other and enjoy living together.
however, i do think that in choosing your partner you should search and seek them yourself, or if proposals are submitted to you, you should investigate them yourself, i.e. go out and meet the person, talk to them, go out with them for a few weeks at least and then decide whether to marry. This is the way marriages took place in the West before the swinging 60's. And the divorce rate was very low. True romance was no less prevalent.
Just look at Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. Can anyone criticise Darcy for proposing to Elizabeth Bennett even though he'd only seen her on a few occasions and spoken no more than a few sentences to her? In today's Western world, Darcy would be sneered at for being too quick. He'd be expected to "go out" with Lizzy for a few months, then shack up with her, produce a couple of illegits and then marry.
Re: arranged marriages
pakjangjoo, it totally depends on you that how long do you need to know the person and how much of comfortable do you feel of knowing the person in just few weeks.
For me, i take my time and I am, marrying someone is a life time commitment and it need to be done with so much thinking properly.
If there is a girl/guy u like, get to know her/him and it if that person has the same feelin towards you, BINGO u will have much easier time, but one advice do take your time an ddon’t just jump to conclusion of marrying a person just in few weeks!
Re: arranged marriages
Haha, right on!
Re: arranged marriages
I have no objections towards both arranged marriages and love marriages. Which one will work for u will depend on wot type of person u r and probably a little bit of luck too. In the end, it’s wot is in ur kismet rite. There r advantages and disadvantages to both…in my family a lot of marriages that were arranged (and i’m talking about back in the 70s and 80s), went down the drain. And the couples that r still together, well, don’t ask them if they r happily married, or just* married*. In my opinion, couples back then stayed together and made their marriages work cos they felt that was the only way of life…some ended up happy n some r still not happy to this day…i guess life gets in the way, kids etc…the problem today is that the world has changed and there is a lot more diversity, and ppl’s choices n expectations have changed…i have seen recent arranged marriages that r going fine, and some that have divorced cos they know it’s not fair to themselves nor their kids, to be in a loveless, unhappy marriage.
Love marriage is a complicated phrase in my eyes…like TruckDriver said, it’s hard to define any of these names really…and basically, (unless ur totally not into ur culture/religion) then it’s hard for ur marriage to not be arranged on some level…i will give u my example…i have known my fiance for 5 yrs now, last yr we got formally engaged…was this road a tough one for us? Yes…ppl assume that if u have a love engagement/marriage that it’s all fun for us cos we r having our own way…in fact to me, arranged is easier in that regard…in arranged, ur parents sort it all out…and u just get to sit there n be a bystander…
There is a lot of tension, pressure and guilt even, when it comes to love marriages…it takes a lot, esp. from the girls’ perspective to go thru with it…and we get made to feel bad or to feel lucky or wotver and it’s totally wrong…so anyway, i had to tell my dad i wanted to get married…i had to see the look on his face when i told him about “the guy”…i had to sit thru awkward silences, knowing that some of my cousins never had to endure any of this questioning and having to validate myself…and it’s all worth it cos in the end u get wot u want…i knew from a very young age that an arranged marriage wudn’t work for me…i know for a fact that any guy my dad/mum brought to me for a rishta i wud dislike…y? cos i dislike my parents views etc., esp. my dad’s…they wud never know who i needed in my life as a partner…lolz, i used to pray that i wud fall in love someday…but honestly i thought it wud never happen…and i’m grateful that i met my fiance when i did…he truly was an angel, and helped me in a lot of ways…and today is my best friend.
The love route works for me, it may not work for my brother…i have cousins where one bro had an arranged marriage and one had a love one…both r happy…so in my opinion, it depends on u…wot u want…they both work…u have to figure out which is a better path for u…my views on this topic r purely coming from experiences in my family and i know it varies for others…so good luck whichever one u choose (or don’t choose) 
Re: arranged marriages
The good thing about arranaged marriages are that the partner doesnt have as many expectations as in probably every love marriage! However in the case of a misunderstanding/ fight the husband mostly blames his parents 4 the (unhappy) moments in his life whereas in a love marriage the husband is bound to take his wifes side mostly… 