How many women find love in an arranged marriage I’ve known a few girls that had arranged marriages and they hate their husbands. These Girls hate their husbands and do nothing about it. How do you explain the mistreatment of women in Pakistan or anywhere
I think you've got 2 different topics here...one is about abuse in Pakistani society/families (which to be honest I don't think is any more or less than in any other society)
the second is about arranged marriage, do they fall in love and why do people stay if they don't.
Let me know which one you want to talk about.
Yeah I just read it again and realized I was basically talking about arranged marriages and if the arranged marriages fail how does it impact our society or the people in the marriage.
well i think the ratio of arranged marriages is been more sucessful than the love marriages!
what ya think???
whether marriage is arranged or love, not working it out is not an excuse, jus cuz its arranged doesnt mean that it wouldnt need work. In a love marriage, yea u kno each other n u love each other an u wanna be with other, n when u love some1 before marriage u kinda dont have to deal with the little annoyin habits they might have cuz u dont kno, u havent lived with them, an later on when they started comin out.. natural ofcourse, the reality of what a marriage is comes out, n couples have to work it. In arranged marriages its easier to hate cuz u always have the excuse well i didnt pick him, my parents did.. its their fault..
in love marriages, if u started regrettin who u marry, u have urself to blame, n somewhere if it comes to that, a person even might dare think, damn i shouldve listened to my ami abu..
N if a marriage fails whether its arranged or love, it affects everyone round the couple, its hard pickin up the pieces n its hard gettin ur life bak n in our desi culture, PEOPLE TALK.. n u jus gotta deal with thattt
how would u define an arranged marriage??
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*Originally posted by Xara: *
how would u define an arranged marriage??
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When a very ugly guy gets married to a very beautiful girl.
^^ lol..
you should trust funguy, he is banking on it. :D
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*Originally posted by funguy: *
When a very ugly guy gets married to a very beautiful girl.
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haha!
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*Originally posted by funguy: *
When a very ugly guy gets married to a very beautiful girl.
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That only happens when the girl is an import and the guy has no chance with any local girl. I've seen guys who are virtual spastics successfully get married through this route.
I've seen it happening the other way too where girls who are absolute rhinoes take up the option of importing a decent looking hubby from Pakistan. It ain't pretty but I guess that 1st world passport carries an awful lot of clout.
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*Originally posted by lalas2000: *
well i think the ratio of arranged marriages is been more sucessful than the love marriages!
what ya think???
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we had a long discussion here about it just recently, and the point was what consituttes a successful marriage.. just that it did not end. I disagree, i think there are many failed marriages out there which are limping on and not going towards divorce due to societal taboos as well as kids.
i think love is kinda hard to define. and it's only one part of marriage.
marriage is about making a commitment to care for and live with someone. you respect, care for, "love" each other, and this is challenging and rewarding whether or not the marriage was arranged.
i dunno if love marriages last more or less than arranged
I don't know why people say that arranged marriages are more successful than love marriages. In my family (both mom n dads side), arranged marriages have turned out to be worse than love marriages!! I know it's weird, but this "arranged marriage is better than love marriage" myth doesn't apply to us. Yet our parents will never realize this and keep on hoping that eventually one day, ONE arranged marriage will work out for ONE of us :P
Anyway, I think it's all about how you want it to work out, or how your in-laws are or whatever. There are a million reasons for failed marriages.
For me, love and marriage are not exactly related anyomre.
I can't explain the mistreatment of women in Pakistan (or wherever) because I don't have the mentality of a retarded chauvinistic pig. But I happen to believe that arranged marriages always work out better than love marriages (a whole nother topic altogether). By arranged marriages, I don't mean marrying someoen you've never met or spoken to (because that's just stupid) but marrying someone who your parents decide is suitable for you while giving the both of you opportunity to get to know each other and decide whether or not you click is always a good idea.
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*Originally posted by lalas2000: *
well i think the ratio of arranged marriages is been more sucessful than the love marriages!
what ya think???
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totally agree with u on this one.
i believe it totally depends on wat kinda person ur spouse is and if u're compatible or not. if a man mistreats his wife in an arranged marriage then i believe chances are he would have done the same if he had been in a love marriage. kiya khiyal hay?
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*Originally posted by zulaykha: *
I can't explain the mistreatment of women in Pakistan (or wherever) because I don't have the mentality of a retarded chauvinistic pig. But I happen to believe that arranged marriages always work out better than love marriages (a whole nother topic altogether). By arranged marriages, I don't mean marrying someone you've never met or spoken to (because that's just stupid) but marrying someone who your parents decide is suitable for you while giving the both of you opportunity to get to know each other and decide whether or not you click is always a good idea.
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Yup, same happened to me - i had a chance to geto know my hubby a few years before getting married to him (when i wento pak....), he seemed OK,seemed i can 'clique' - but also did not have much choice. so i got married at age 19 -.stayed with him for 1week...its been 6months now, he's still in pak....waiting...while i'm completing my studies...
i just wonder why do parents marry thier daughters off at this early 'immature' age? even though they know this modern age is moving on...its just ruins the career plans etc.
I suppose 'communication & understanding' is the important thing in any kind of marriage...as well as 'love & caring for one another' ...
Reemzy: i agree with you ^^, whether love/arranged it could happen to anysort - it also depends on 'kismet' too...
my nikkah was in january . ,,Rukhsaty will be next year inshallah,,i am in germany and he is still in pakistan and will come then.. the marriage was arranged,, although he is my chachas beta ..i donot know him very well,.,, but actually all these things r according to Allah wishes,... so we can just make DUA ..
Whether the marriage is arranged or based on love, it can only work out if both husband n wife show respect to each other and dont neglect their duties as husband or wife. also they should show care,love and affection to each other. If that is happening I can only see a positive development of the relationships. But in case the guy or girl isnt treating the partner properly it would only lead to problem.
In arranged marriages there is need to extra work cuz they dont know each other. In love marriage they need to develop further so that needs lots of work as well....
Personally I think that if problems have rised so much that they cant stand each other and if they dont have any kids they should- after having tried to work things out- just leave each other. That is even prescribed in the religion islam, so I dont think one should let the culture overrule as it is the custom to stay in miserable relationsships due to fear of the surroundings.
But if the couple has children I personally think that they should try to get to the problem's root and find out whats wrong and then do their best to solve it out....cuz children dont deserve to get seperated from their parents!