How do you all do arranged marriages? I can’t imagine doing an arranged marriage because I’d rather want to get to know the person (but how do you even do that? someone can be different and show their true colors after marriage, lol!). What is the exact process you go through? How many times do you meet the person and what questions do you ask them before deciding to marry? Reason for asking is because my parents want to do arranged marriage for me later down the road, and I trust them, but I’m really doubtful about it.
Re: Arranged Marriages - How do you do it?
Arranged marriages sound like the girl and guy are just set up and married off to each other without any prior communication. Thats usually not how it works...at least not in my family.
Most of the time, you're given permission to talk, email, etc. You get to know the person in a more halal manner and with the knowledge of both families. The arranged element is simply that families have arranged these two people - lets see if it works out!
Re: Arranged Marriages - How do you do it?
arrange marriages are like love marriage - unpredictable. Arrange marriages are just as successfull as love marriages (if not more). So talking to someone you have proposed to is more right-to-the-point conversation, you can ask things that may be important to you and share stuff about yourself.
Re: Arranged Marriages - How do you do it?
Arranged marriages sound like the girl and guy are just set up and married off to each other without any prior communication. Thats usually not how it works...at least not in my family.
Most of the time, you're given permission to talk, email, etc. You get to know the person in a more halal manner and with the knowledge of both families. The arranged element is simply that families have arranged these two people - lets see if it works out!
How exactly do you see if this "works out"? What questions do you ask and how much time does it take to decide whether or not to marry the person?
Re: Arranged Marriages - How do you do it?
Love marriage: You test drive ( for longer time) the car before even buying.
Arranged marriage: You rely on reading about the car, talk to car salesperson and trust not only the salesperson, but also the car itself.
P.S. All high end cars are good, so really no need to test drive long.
The risk is.. If you try for long, the salesperson will think you like the car and wil not negotiate.
Re: Arranged Marriages - How do you do it?
How exactly do you see if this "works out"? What questions do you ask and how much time does it take to decide whether or not to marry the person?
That depends entirely on you Unos. You will know when you're satisfied.
You have to find out what is important to you in a partner and talk about those things with the guy/gal...bounce off ideas and see what they have to say.
See if your goals match or are at least similar enough to imagine life together. See if your tastes are compatible - they dont have to be the same - just compatible. See if you both value faith and to what extent. See if you have similar social lives, friends, activities, passions, independence, etc. Do they smoke, drink, or do anything that might drive you bananas later? Do they care about some of the issues you do?
Re: Arranged Marriages - How do you do it?
Definitely talk about values and lifestyle (career, expectations about standard of living, how many children)
And since you mentioned in another thread about not believing in God, I think it will be highly important to talk about religion.
Re: Arranged Marriages - How do you do it?
Definitely talk about values and lifestyle (career, expectations about standard of living, how many children)
And since you mentioned in another thread about not believing in God, I think it will be highly important to talk about religion.
I do believe in a God, but not religion but I still respect all people of every religion. I guess I'll most likely have to go via the Love Marriage route since I can't tell my parents that I don't believe in Islam otherwise they'd be emotionally disturbed and yea their "izzat" or whatever it is will be affected. :(
Re: Arranged Marriages - How do you do it?
I do believe in a God, but not religion but I still respect all people of every religion. I guess I'll most likely have to go via the Love Marriage route since I can't tell my parents that I don't believe in Islam otherwise they'd be emotionally disturbed and yea their "izzat" or whatever it is will be affected. :(
Apart from your parents being upset...there's another problem. If the girl you marry in the future is Muslim....(doesn't matter if it's a love marriage).......the marriage is not considered valid if you're not Muslim. If religion is important to her...then this would obviously be a bigger deal.
Re: Arranged Marriages - How do you do it?
I do believe in a God, but not religion but I still respect all people of every religion. I guess I'll most likely have to go via the Love Marriage route since I can't tell my parents that I don't believe in Islam otherwise they'd be emotionally disturbed and yea their "izzat" or whatever it is will be affected. :(
Oops, mistake on my part.
I think it's important you marry someone who is accepting of your stance on religion. ( A religious Muslim girl probably wouldn't because Islam says a woman can only marry a Muslim man).
I'm not at all suggesting against the arranged route, but it might be hard to put that on the table and not expect people to have a reaction.
Re: Arranged Marriages - How do you do it?
How exactly do you see if this "works out"? What questions do you ask and how much time does it take to decide whether or not to marry the person?
marriage never really works out...you have to work at it...!
arranged marriages are usually better if parents are samajdaar..and not bowing to family pressure,as they have their childs interest at heart and they know your nature better than anyone...so they would want the best for you..ppl who think too much may lose out on a lot of good things in life...!
Re: Arranged Marriages - How do you do it?
You do it like animals on the discovery channel. :D
Re: Arranged Marriages - How do you do it?
You are mixing Arranged Marriages with Forced Marriages perhaps? 
Re: Arranged Marriages - How do you do it?
maybe…
Re: Arranged Marriages - How do you do it?
Arranged marriage in our family means that parents find a suitable match for their daughter and the prospective couple's parents meet and allow the kids to meet with a third person involved usually a younger person. In my case my khala and younger sister use to go with us (she is only a few years older than me) and we were able to talk during shopping and dinner. My parents didn't say "yes" till I was asked and then the offical ceremony was done. I have seen a forceful arrange marriage in my husband's family but MasAllah she is happy now but that's different than arranged marriage in my mind.