The majority of our ancestors found their life partners by way of arranged marriages. I think this is a fair statement.
History and statistics are sufficient to prove that arranged marriages do work. They are in no way more or less susceptible to crumbling. Infact, I dont think anyone here argues the merits of an arranged marriage.
But why is it so difficult to find a suitable partner through an arranged marriage nowadays? Yes some may say its no more difficult than finding a partner by way of love marriage, but actually finding a suitable suitable candidate seems to be getting more and more difficult
Why do you guys think this is so?
Maybe some serious answers before diwana gets in on this. Just kidding diwana. Sort of.
Re: arranged marriages- do we still get them right?
Killing me here
People have much higher expectations. They are living in their own Disney World and except their own Prince/Princess charming and what’s left of arranged marriage anyway? Guy likes a girl, sends his parents over and job done.
Re: arranged marriages- do we still get them right?
Marriage used to be between family A and family B, not girl X and guy Y. I remember my parents always said A’s son got married to B’s daughter, or X’s daughter got married into Y family, the identities of the couple not as important. “Suitable” families was more important than “suitable” partner and I think that is why things worked out eventually. They also knew two things that are losing relevance now, “compromise” and “adjustment”.
Even if two sisters or two brothers live under same roof, there are always things one does that bothers other. They fight and biker over things but manage to find solutions. Now, somehow, we expect the things to go all smoothly from day one when a couple gets married and two different people who grew up in two different environments to have no hiccups living together.
Re: arranged marriages- do we still get them right?
because people in back days were so simple, polite,compromising and kind whereas people today have become more vigilant, Vigorous, Sharp, Aggressive and Cunning.. girls expects so much and do have attitude, boys have their own style of living with rudeness… people are becoming stubborn and bold, with passion to live like their own way no matter it is married life or single… so these days there are higher possibilities of mismatching personalities in arranged relations…
it’s way better to select a partner of your own choice and personality (likewise)
also, it is permissable in Islam to select of your own choice, HOWEVER, if someone gets into an arranged married life then there is no point in Islam that you mistreats ur partner(husband or wife) in any way and have to co-operate and adjust with each other..
P.S: Nikaah says it all when you make ALLAH “A Witness” of you marriage…
Re: arranged marriages- do we still get them right?
I was having interesting convo among my friends yesterday about this topic . My buddy’s fiance made a point that she has girlfriend of hers that are looking and they are hitting late 20s or early thirties. She said that she often blame girls because when they are in universities or colleges they just hang out among girls only. And make themselves unapproachable. This is the case of point with girls who are coming from conservative household. Not sure if that is true or not. ..but i do see some truth to it.
Re: arranged marriages- do we still get them right?
Personally, I think it’s become difficult to find a spouse via the arranged marriage route because people often focus on superficial aspects and are looking for that idealised “Mr. Absolutely Perfect” rather than compromising on certain things (of a superficial nature) and looking for someone with similar values and outlook on life, who they may actually be compatible with and may be easier to find. The fact that parents and children are often not on the same page in terms of what they’re looking for in a potential spouse doesn’t help either.
Re: arranged marriages- do we still get them right?
Another one of those “The good ol days” threads. We idealize the good ol days more than goras who idealize the 50s as if it was the golden age of morals and manners.
Arranged marriages worked back then because there was no real way out of them for the women. Things not working and need a divorce? Then stay single for life. Polygamy was really popular too back in the days, plenty of stories involving step kids and step moms, and the inheritence issues being fought in court today.
Re: arranged marriages- do we still get them right?
Back in the day, people having marriage issues worked on fixing it,now people believe in breaking relationships.In those days media did not influence the lives of people in the way it is today.Think about it,when my parents were young,they had a radio in their house.(which would play for only a few hours.)As time went on,expectations started to rise,all of the sudden both men and women had an ideal “partner” they looked for.I feel like marriage is becoming a joke,although it is such a beautiful institution.
Re: arranged marriages- do we still get them right?
I’ve thought about this too but now I’m not so sure people even bother getting to know the ins and outs of their perspectives. Many of the problems that often arise shortly after marriage these days (which are often seen in the Life and Relationships threads) are things that really should have been discussed PRIOR to getting married, indicating that people do not get to know the ins and outs of potential candidates, but I suppose that’s a subject for a different thread.
Re: arranged marriages- do we still get them right?
Part of the reason is that parents and kids are not on the same page with what they’re looking for. Parents try to find their version of perfection while the candidates try to look for compatibility. Sometimes you find a happy medium and sometimes, one side has to cave but then surely the losing side doesn’t give up that easily and problems are bound to start in the future due to this “compromise.”
Are there any stats available on how many times love marriage proposals are declined by parents and the resulting forced arranged marriage causes future problems when these girls/guys cannot mentally accept the person chosen by their parents?
Re: arranged marriages- do we still get them right?
Perhaps because the girls and guys give more input nowadays and state their own personal preferences? Matching up what they want as well as the parents is probably not that easy..
Many (esp the guys) obviously also have the choice to look for themselves, making the pool of potentials smaller.. esp here in the West..
It was easier in the old days but not necessarily better.. The couples themselves had a lot less freedom when it came to choosing who to spend the rest of their lives with and once you were married that was that, whether you were happy or not..
