Arranged Marriage...

starrysky · June 24, 2010, 5:41pm

You are right, everyone gets problems. However, the problems I am referring to are autosomal recessive ones that have a very clear inheritance pattern. It is a fact that those conditions have a much higher prevalence in areas with high consanguinity (i.e. cousin marriages) compared to other populations. I'm not making up things to scare people. Your family is lucky they haven't had any problems. But if your future generations keep marrying cousins then the problem gets a lot worse.

1 in 25 Pakistanis are carriers for thalassaemia and the prevalence of the disease is so high in Pakistan, it makes me very sad. If people got blood tests done before they got married (like they do in places like Iran, Saudi) then we could quite easily eradicate this devastating condition.

I don't have an issue with cousin marriages per se, my own brother is married to my first cousin and mA they have 3 healthy children. I'm just pointing out that we have more of these autosomal recessive diseases because cousin marriages are EXTREMELY common amongst us. And as educated beings we should make an effort to change the situation.

T1000 · June 24, 2010, 5:51pm

PinkOrchids:

Those who had their marriage arranged.

I assume you are born and brought up here. Married from back home (90% family, 80% first cousins, I assume you played with these cousins when you where little - lets say 60% of you)

So using these (made up statistics)

How did you let your parents - (I know we are meant to listen to their every word) make such a big decision for you?

Was it due to: You were a good girl/boy and waited.
You had no luck finding your own choice.
You didn’t have the time.
The person you liked was not suitable
You were young
You never thought of these matters and just showed up
Or you know that their choice is the right one? and if they say
jump in the volcano you jump in the volcano?

Interested in the mentality of arranged marriages. Of the sterotypical arranged married girls I know- some hadn’t completed their gcses if they had, they are working in departmentals and supermarkets and where married at a drop of a hat to who there parents say.

I just want to know why? Did you feel you were selling yourself short? (so to speak!!!)

is this question specific to girls or to everyone .. :-s?

ria1328 · June 25, 2010, 2:57am

starrysky:

You are right, everyone gets problems. However, the problems I am referring to are autosomal recessive ones that have a very clear inheritance pattern. It is a fact that those conditions have a much higher prevalence in areas with high consanguinity (i.e. cousin marriages) compared to other populations. I'm not making up things to scare people. Your family is lucky they haven't had any problems. But if your future generations keep marrying cousins then the problem gets a lot worse.

1 in 25 Pakistanis are carriers for thalassaemia and the prevalence of the disease is so high in Pakistan, it makes me very sad. If people got blood tests done before they got married (like they do in places like Iran, Saudi) then we could quite easily eradicate this devastating condition.

I don't have an issue with cousin marriages per se, my own brother is married to my first cousin and mA they have 3 healthy children. I'm just pointing out that we have more of these autosomal recessive diseases because cousin marriages are EXTREMELY common amongst us. And as educated beings we should make an effort to change the situation.

What you're saying it is true, but people can get the fetus tested but they choose not to. I don't know if the technology is there in Pakistan or not, but the fact of the matter is, marrying you cousin is not haram, getting genetic screening is not haram, and if there should be something wrong with the fetus, Allah na kare, then as long as it is under 4 months, it is fine to abort because after four months is when the sould is breathed into it.

*Also, I study genetics. Most of the time, it depends on chance. Many genes in the human genome influence other genes. Everything in the human body is connected. *

The problem isn't cousins marrying cousins. The problem is not getting the fetus screened. Even then, if they do get screened, it is the couple's choice, and mostly the wife who is carrying the child, to decide if they wish to abort or not. If they chose not to, yes it will be hard, but the reward later will be above that. It will be hard on the child, but they will know they are loved, no?

*I would also like to point out that doctors and scientists that run these tests are also human so they can make mistakes. *

*I understand your position is to warn everyone, but ultimately it is their desicion, and it is Allah swt's marzi. Shouldn't we be thankful for what we have? *

starrysky · June 25, 2010, 10:57pm

ria1328:

What you're saying it is true, but people can get the fetus tested but they choose not to. I don't know if the technology is there in Pakistan or not, but the fact of the matter is, marrying you cousin is not haram, getting genetic screening is not haram, and if there should be something wrong with the fetus, Allah na kare, then as long as it is under 4 months, it is fine to abort because after four months is when the sould is breathed into it.

*Also, I study genetics. Most of the time, it depends on chance. Many genes in the human genome influence other genes. Everything in the human body is connected. *

The problem isn't cousins marrying cousins. The problem is not getting the fetus screened. Even then, if they do get screened, it is the couple's choice, and mostly the wife who is carrying the child, to decide if they wish to abort or not. If they chose not to, yes it will be hard, but the reward later will be above that. It will be hard on the child, but they will know they are loved, no?

*I would also like to point out that doctors and scientists that run these tests are also human so they can make mistakes. *

*I understand your position is to warn everyone, but ultimately it is their desicion, and it is Allah swt's marzi. Shouldn't we be thankful for what we have? *

As I pointed out earlier, some of these conditions like microcephaly do not become obvious until the last trimester when you really can not get an abortion. Well you can, but it would be like killing a baby inside because they are capable of living if they were to come out.

I'm just trying to point out that there is a need for Pakistanis to look for partners outside their families. There are enough of us to go around! And if you have studied genetics then you should know that in the UK at least, the prevalence of autosomal recessive conditions is much higher in the Pakistani community because around 60 % of them marry their first cousins.

'Most of the time, it depends on chance. Many genes in the human genome influence other genes. Everything in the human body is connected.'

This ^ statement makes no sense. It's not always by chance, if both parents are carriers of an AR disorder then there is a 25% risk, which in my opinion is very high. So I don't really know what you are talking about.

Just my two pence from a purely medical perspective :)

It is a real problem, it pisses me off when desis just ignore it and 'leave it up to Allah.' Allah has given you the knowledge so bloomin use it. If you fall in love etc then fine, not much you can do. But to actively avoid marrying outside the family is what I have a problem with.

Raise your hands, how many of you have been approached by some cousin for rishta? I bet it is around 100%. Why is this so different from other cultures? Because girls and boys are separated from a young age. In other cultures, cousins are treated like siblings. In ours, it is 'wrong' for sexes to mix and hence why it doesn't seem so taboo marrying your cousin.