I think that arranged marraiges should not be pushed on to anyone.Marraige should be by choice.If you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone you should atleast be able to choose who you want to spend your life with.I am not saying arranged marriages dont work out.They do.It think if you have been in love before and you get into a marraige that is arranged its alot harder and sometimes it may not work out.It works out for those people that have not been in a relationship before they were married and have not been in love before so that person is all they know.Even if it is not love they think it is because they have nothing to compare it to.
what do you all think
well my views r basically the same as urs,i agree!!!
:)
Im glad someone agrees...lol.I dont just say things to say them but i am speaking from my own experience.
oooooooh,experience.....wanna share a bit....."ppl" might benifit 4om it.
oooooooh,experience.....wanna share a bit....."ppl" might benifit 4om it.
oooooooh,experience.....wanna share a bit....."ppl" might benifit 4om it.
Ajnabilarki
U seem to be new here as this topic has been discussed a lot here..welcome aboard..
I guess what ur referring to as arranged marriage is the one where couples dont know each other before marriage since arrange marriage can be where couples know each other well or even have a feeling of love... arrange marriage is where marriage is arranged by parents or guardians and with the consent of couples . Therefore arranged marriage to me is the most desirable and would produce most beneficial results for the couple, parents and society.
Forcing marriage is doing great unjustice but parents advice to a teenager who doesnt have a sense at that age to judge intension of the one he/she suppose loves the person is in most cases is great as most parents love their kids.
Most young people these days try to love as they see other teens are having affiars and it seems to them a some complex . Most marriages which dont have roots to their families fail since the parties who just fell in love also one day "just dont feel like it" and leave it as effortlessly as they got in..
ena jazabti te na ho !! … thora dudh pi te honsla kar … bata dde gee o ! :biggrin:
Arranged marriages? Please someone give me one GOOD reason why you would like to marry someone you are not in love with! An eternal marriage is hard enough work, but to think a marriage involving those who are not in love will succeed is unimaginable! And if two people who are married because of an arrangement do not divorce, that is NOTwhat I call success! American marriages fail very often, but arranging marriages would not be the answer. The problem is that it is too easy too get married here and it is not taken seriously enough. But maybe I am missing some of the benefits. Can someone who is happily involved in an arranged marriage tell us how and why it works?
Actually one won't be hard, there are in fact many reasons.
We have to be very clear that "arranged" marriages do NOT mean "forced" marriages. In most cases I know the girl and the guy had as much right to say "no" as anyone else. Its just a matter of how you go about it. I have not witnessed any instance where the guy and the girl met for the first time at their wedding night.
I know a guy who tried his level best to marry a girl of his choice. His family had no problem with that. He had several affairs (three actual engagements) but never worked out to the end. Finally, in frustration, went back to their parents and asked if they know of some suitable girl. Knowing his priorities in this matter, his mother mentioned a nice girl they knew. The guy and the girl met, and decided they like each other, afterall. Got married and are living happily now.
For the most part, "arranged" marriages mean that the parents bear the costs of the wedding and the couple keeps the "salamees". If you have a principled objection to this, then more power to you. :)
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*Originally posted by shannon1: *
Arranged marriages? Please someone give me one GOOD reason why you would like to marry someone you are not in love with!
......
Can someone who is happily involved in an arranged marriage tell us how and why it works?
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I went through an arranged marriage but knew the girl for a long time and we liked each other. In opur society marriage is not only a sacrad contract between two persons but a whole new world between two families. So arranged marriage is arranged basically between parents and should go ahead with consent of parents.
Marrying someone out of love is also possible since love is debatable thing. infatuation at early age can lead to destruction in a society where people dont have many chances to build their lives. There is no boyfriend or girlfriend thing in Pakistani society and sex before marriage is a big taboo. Most parents in cities give their kids some choices and if the kids like they go ahead and try to match..
I was raised in America and my parents were very strict.I was not aloud to do anything but still always tried to do what ever my parents wanted.They always said when you get married you can do what ever you want.When you are a young girl that has been sheltered all her life you believe everything or you wanna believe atleast your parents.I dont know how it happened but I did end up falling in love when I was in high school .The guy was pakistani.We never went out but we talked all the time.He went away to college and we wrote to each other all the time.My every day and every minute revolved around when i would talk to him again.We called each other alot.We had soooo much to talk about.Alot of times we would just sit on the phone for hours talking about nothing.We never said how we felt to each other but I new I loved him soo much.I couldnt imagin not having him there.
Anyways...to make a long story short-my mom found out.My parents toke me to pakistan and got me married.I tried to forget about him and start a new life.My husband was 16 years older.It has been hard for me.He just came to america 3 years ago and is still the same.I have changed alot for him yet he has not changed at all.We have alot of problems.He had girlfriends which he openly told me about.I have stayed quiet because i thought things would change.They have not.My friend and I have started talking again.I started to email him and now we talk on the phone.I wish there was a way I could be with him.He is not married .I know he loves me to.I know this marriage wont last.What am I to do?
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*Originally posted by Ajnabilarki: *
I was raised in America and my parents were very strict....My ex and I have started talking again.We started from email and now we talk on the phone.I wish there was a way I could be with him.He not gotten married all these years.I know he loves me to.I know this marriage wont last.What am I to do?
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Are you for real?
My advice is to seek marriage counselling. Its one thing to admit to prior affairs (on part of your husband) and it is entirely another to renew past friendship with an ex- after being disappointed by your spouse (in your case). Either work out your differences or split. There is no point in both of you making three lives miserable.
faisal- i had no idea that the man and woman had the right to say no. you make it sound like the parents basically play match maker since they know their child's preference. is this right? if that is how it works then i guess there is nothing wrong with that. but what about this girl who is miserable? why would her parents choose someone so much older and one who does not respect the vows of marriage? and if she was already in love, why would they ignore that? is that typical?
and to thie girl: if you had chosen him on your own, i would tell you to do your best to make it work. if, of course, your husband has vowed to change his ways. i mean, you were not forced to marry him, right? you agreed and so you did make a promise to him. but i'm sure the pressure was indescribable, and the fact that he is not your choice makes all the difference, i think. you are probably still a young woman- the man of your dreams is out there, what are you waiting for?? even if he was NOT available, dont you think you could find someone who you love and would love you? i understand there are traditions in your society, but times do change, and it is YOUR life, after all. i hope there are no children in the middle of this!? good luck to you!
I hope you fine peace and joy InshAllah. If you don't mind me asking how did your mother find out?
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ut maybe I am missing some of the benefits. Can someone who is happily involved in an arranged marriage tell us how and why it
ASK YOU PARENTS …:roman:
Chances are any couple not yet seperated are arranged.
Of course ARRANGED doesnt mean wHAT YOU &ajnabi & punjabi Kurri & most of ABCD think .
Arranged is opposite of BLIND DATE .
Not :nono: opposite of LOVE MARRIAGE :k: :k: