And he finally got 5’8. Why did the whole family come and visit me in the first place?
There are so many other examples like this. And now I have become so strict in forcing my mom to tell the families my exact details (like age, education, height, family background etc.) and ask them IF these details are ok before we can proceed further. But it still is not helping much Many of the guys families just like to go on girl hunting visits as this has become their favourit past time.
The "THEY" here is often not the guy but his family. So i think its high time the guy's family stay home and lets the guy decide what he wants :D.
But when the guy selects a girl from his uni/ workplace or any other source, the family again creates a problem. They can identify some negative points in the girl and her family. Then there is a fight between the guy and his family. And only one party wins.
There are so many other examples like this. And now I have become so strict in forcing my mom to tell the families my exact details (like age, education, height, family background etc.) and ask them IF these details are ok before we can proceed further. But it still is not helping much :( Many of the guys families just like to go on girl hunting visits as this has become their favourit past time.
i know...its like yar today i m nt doing much so why dnt i go over and have a look and munch on the freebies.
But when the guy selects a girl from his uni/ workplace or any other source, the family again creates a problem. They can identify some negative points in the girl and her family. Then there is a fight between the guy and his family. And only one party wins.
and we all know that the winning party is usually the family whether its before the marriage or afterwards. lols. ooopsie.
I’m a girl and I have 3 sisters. Trust me, we **are **way more fussy when it comes to saying yes to a rishta. And there’s nothing wrong with the guy or the girl having a big list of *reasonable *requirements. It is a major decision afterall.
and we all know that the winning party is usually the family whether its before the marriage or afterwards. lols. ooopsie.
Not always. I have seen guys winning too. But then they had to struggle a lot, had to fight... I even witnessed one guy stopped talking to his whole family until they approve of his choice of girl. So it depends on the guy, how willing is he for his girl etc
I'm a girl and I have 3 sisters. :p Trust me, we **are **way more fussy when it comes to saying yes to a rishta. And there's nothing wrong with the guy or the girl having a big list of *reasonable *requirements. It is a major decision afterall.
But I am not at all fussy. May be thats the reason I am feeling the bad behaviour of the guys' side more. If I can reject 2-3 guys in a month, I think I won't feel dejected if I get rejected by 5-6 guys in the same month :D
But I am not at all fussy. May be thats the reason I am feeling the bad behaviour of the guys' side more. If I can reject 2-3 guys in a month, I think I won't feel dejected if I get rejected by 5-6 guys in the same month :D
One thing I disike about the rishta process is that it affects the self-esteem of girls (and even guys). You shouldn't take any of this personally. It's not about you rejecting them or vice versa. It's .... just a process.. which leads to a happy ending eventually. You are a good person and Allah swt must have someone amazing in store for you. You can ask your parents to slow down on these rishta visits if they make you feel upset. Only those families who are serious about you may be allowed to visit.
One thing I disike about the rishta process is that it affects the self-esteem of girls (and even guys). You shouldn't take any of this personally. It's not about you rejecting them or vice versa. It's .... just a process.. which leads to a happy ending eventually. You are a good person and Allah swt must have someone amazing in store for you. You can ask your parents to slow down on these rishta visits if they make you feel upset. Only those families who are serious about you may be allowed to visit.
Adding to what Barbie said here and earlier, it is the ONLY acceptable way socially unless you are way head strong and have no qualms in dating and checking out a guy/girl.
What both parties need to do is to gather as much information as they can prior to the visit so that they KNOW what they are getting into. maybe the girl's parents can share pictures and tell information if they are comfortable enough. Otherwise half hearted visits can be super annoying.
What both parties need to do is to gather as much information as they can prior to the visit so that they KNOW what they are getting into. maybe the girl's parents can share pictures and tell information if they are comfortable enough. Otherwise half hearted visits can be super annoying.
But aren't the players keep on extending this game because they think it benefits them?
They want to have the BEST girl on the planet for their son and for this they just keep on knocking on every door, have a look at their girls, and reject them. Why do not they have a look at their own sons? Whether the son is less educated, does no have a good job, is just an average looking guy, they want CHAND KA TUKRA for their son at any cost. Why do not they just go and propose Miss world, miss universe and miss Pakistan for that reason?
Come on, for every guy who has rejected a girl, there are probably 5 girls who rejected proposals for similar reasons.
What both parties need to do is to gather as much information as they can prior to the visit so that they KNOW what they are getting into. maybe the girl's parents can share pictures and tell information if they are comfortable enough. Otherwise half hearted visits can be super annoying.
But like a pic can be misused not necessairly on purpose but i am sure most wouldnt feel safe handing over a pic to an unknown family.
Come on, for every guy who has rejected a girl, there are probably 5 girls who rejected proposals for similar reasons.
Well i dont know about that but yes the thing is the guys family gets to say yes/no first but who knows if they wud have said yes the girls family wud have gone for it or not. So this way the girls family gets to reject less as things dnt get to that as much as they had like :D
Well what I plan to do for my brother in the future, (if he already has not selected any girl for himself), I would ask my mom NOT to just keep on visiting innumerable girls families. We should just gather as much fact about her like age, education, height, family background, picture ect everything through email etc. We can just accept the girl in this preliminary stage or move on to other potential and then only visit those we are very much sure of from the detailed information we already collected. We can avoid taking the guy unless we plan to take the matter forward to save the girl from embarrasment.
I have been through unfortunate rishta visits where the guy had a demand of 5'8 girl and the family still visited me (I am 5'6) and then the told rishta wali aunty that the girls height is not that much although they KNEW my height before coming. So I do not want other girls to go through such useless visits.
Any other suggestion from anyone is most welcome. May be we the new generation can take some steps towards trying to minimise this cattle market tradition.
Wow, a demand for a specific height of 5'8 is crazy. Maybe they should place an order with a cloning agency to get the girl they want.
One thing I disike about the rishta process is that it affects the self-esteem of girls (and even guys). You shouldn't take any of this personally. It's not about you rejecting them or vice versa. It's .... just a process.. which leads to a happy ending eventually. You are a good person and Allah swt must have someone amazing in store for you. You can ask your parents to slow down on these rishta visits if they make you feel upset. Only those families who are serious about you may be allowed to visit.
True. Thanks for the prayers. Its just that have to go with this arranged process as this is the norm in my family and finding a guy on my own is difficult where I live, and also believe in this arranged setting despite all its negatives.
Adding to what Barbie said here and earlier, it is the ONLY acceptable way socially unless you are way head strong and have no qualms in dating and checking out a guy/girl.
What both parties need to do is to gather as much information as they can prior to the visit so that they KNOW what they are getting into. maybe the girl's parents can share pictures and tell information if they are comfortable enough. Otherwise half hearted visits can be super annoying.
Agreed. I wish guys side try to behave in a more decent manner.
Many of the guys families just like to go on girl hunting visits as this has become their favourit past time.
Trust me, we **are **way more fussy when it comes to saying yes to a rishta. And there’s nothing wrong with the guy or the girl having a big list of *reasonable *requirements. It is a major decision afterall.