Re: Arrange Marriage
You are right, in some respects, going the arranged marriage route is highly risky and sometimes, people find out the other side’s true colours when they are too far along in the process to back out. However, these are exceptional cases. For the most part, there are certain ways to go about it where you ask questions in a way that reveals the next person’s mentality sooner rather than later. My parents always say, there is no need to rush to make a decision/commitment. Take your time doing a background search on the family (this involves going to the prospective spouse’s employer, university, neighbourhood, etc. and speaking to a reputable source), and without getting emotionally attached, ask the right questions upfront. Be honest and make it clear that you expect truthfulness in return.
You don’t always have to phrase it as a question to get a response out of the next person. You could be having a casual conversation and share a story then wait to see how the person responds to it. Basically, the same way that you would get to know a love interest on your own…with the exception that in this case, your family is involved and sometimes the questions you want answered might not be coming from you but your sibling/relative might be asking on your behalf. (Yes, this happens!)
You don’t have to go in totally blind. At least this is how I’ve seen it being done in my family. It’s never 100% arranged. The families initiate talks but the couple gets their chance to talk as well. Siblings are also involved because they know you well and can sometimes ask the tough questions on your behalf without it coming across as offensive.