Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
gd idea
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
Are you serious!?...grade 2 lesson. It is not the present but the thought behind the present that counts.
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
Get over it, and stop giving her gifts. trust me, I used to be the same as you, agonizing and obsessing over this kind of stuff...so i understand how you feel...but seriously, once you realize that it doesn't matter and STOP giving her gifts and expecting anything in return..ull be much happier.
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
Please do continue to make a mountain out of a molehill. It's great for relationships.
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
NOBODY here has ever put any effort into giving a gift and then been presented with a thoughtless crap gift and felt bad about it? I refuse to believe everyone here is such a saint that they would never ever feel slighted or even the slightest bit insulted.
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
Just to add I know the above sounds trivial but it's the tip of the iceberg not matter wot I do she doesn't like me. This .
Msis, read the bolded part from YOUR OWN post and internalize it.
1) Why do you have such high expectatons from someone whom you KNOW does not like you no matter what you do? You should not have any expectations from such a person. And if you are going to continue to bend over backwards and go out of you way to win her approval.....then perhaps you need to reflect over why you feel such a need. Do you have low self-esteem or what? Cuz not everybody in this world is going to like you. Part of life...accept it. Does your husband love you and do you have a good relationship with him? If so, then that's all that matters most.
2) You didn't learn from her previous experiences with her, did you? Doesn't seem like it. You got her a nice gift...and she thanked you for it THREE weeks later. What does that tell you about her? And then she wanted to get a third party to ask you if she can return your gift. What does that tell you about her? Simple, she lacks consideration. So, from a person who does not have consideration for you......why would you even expect her to reciproate with the same amount of courtesy you show her? Get this through your head.......a person who has made up their mind that they don't like you and who is inconsiderate will not show you the same level of respect/care that you show them.
3) You can choose to get her a lota the next time. But that would just mean that you are spending energy....negative energy on her. That energy could be spend enjoying your future trip in the company of sincere loved ones...and could be used for positive things. By getting her a lota.....what are you trying to prove? That you can stoop even lower than her? In the future when you have to buy gifts for her.....just don't spend too much energy or effort into the gift. Don't stress over it as much....when you see that she herself doesn't stress over your presents.
4) It is possible that your husband might expect that you give nice gifts to his family...including your SIL. And if you don't work, then it means that you would purchase any gifts for in-laws with HIS money. If it were your own hard-earned money, it would be a bigger deal. But since it's his......don't get so worked up over it. Consider the gifts from in-laws to be from HIM and not yourself. Maybe this perspective might alleviate the tension.
5) When your SIL behaves rudely with you (such as not thanking you for gifts until much later, etc, etc) she is showing you and others that she has no class/manners...that she's unrefined. But when YOU start complaining (in an obvious way) about why you didn't recieve a gift from such an idiotic person............you make yourself look even stupider/lower/worse than her. Just think about this point.
6) Why on Earth would you even confront your SIL about the gift that you got? You're just giving her the idea that she has the power to hurt you with her stupid actions. And since you claim that she doesn't like you.....then that it would just make her happy to know that she has succeeded in getting under your skin...that she has that power over you. It makes you appear weaker.
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
NOBODY here has ever put any effort into giving a gift and then been presented with a thoughtless crap gift and felt bad about it? I refuse to believe everyone here is such a saint that they would never ever feel slighted or even the slightest bit insulted.
I admit that I have felt that way. I've seen others in my family feel that way as well. It's annoying and can be hurtful (depending upon how close you are to the gift recipient). But it's an annoyance that you move past. I haven't confronted the thoughtless/inconsiderate person about why they gave me such a crummy gift. I've never seen my mom do that (even with in-laws). You fume over it a bit....and then you learn the lesson that you just need to lower your expectations and not break your back over the person in the future.
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
NOBODY here has ever put any effort into giving a gift and then been presented with a thoughtless crap gift and felt bad about it? I refuse to believe everyone here is such a saint that they would never ever feel slighted or even the slightest bit insulted.
I would feel insulted/hurt, but it would clue me into the fact that I should not be putting so much effort/time/emotional strain into this relationship, cuz the other person won't. Tho it is harder with a SIL cuz marriage of a sibling binds you to this person and you want to have a good/close relationship.
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
I admit that I have felt that way. I've seen others in my family feel that way as well. It's annoying and can be hurtful (depending upon how close you are to the gift recipient). But it's an annoyance that you move past. I haven't confronted the thoughtless/inconsiderate person about why they gave me such a crummy gift. I've never seen my mom do that (even with in-laws). You fume over it a bit....and then you learn the lesson that you just need to lower your expectations and not break your back over the person in the future.
I would feel insulted/hurt, but it would clue me into the fact that I should not be putting so much effort/time/emotional strain into this relationship, cuz the other person won't. Tho it is harder with a SIL cuz marriage of a sibling binds you to this person and you want to have a good/close relationship.
Exactly. I have been through the same thing with my brothers wife and others...it took a while but the more you start not caring about it...the easier it gets...its not worth getting aggravated or upset over.
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
Exactly. I have been through the same thing with my brothers wife and others...it took a while but the more you start not caring about it...the easier it gets...its not worth getting aggravated or upset over.
Yeah it's natural to get irritated over it. But I think that if you have had several such experiences with someone......then lower your expectations. If the OP is saying that her SIL doesn't like her no matter what she does....it shows that enough examples of her SIL's lack of consideration have taken place. And as irritated as she was....she shouldn't have confronted the SIL about the gift. It brings her down to the SIL's level. Venting to others is one thing.....fine. But to the actual person who gave the gift.....no.
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
^ Right it makes her sound petty and greedy and makes her concerns seem less legitimate.
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
My ex-husband's older brother's wife...does that make her my jithani? Yeah, I think so.
She gifted me a little purse...for my wedding. :) Not a designer purse. Not a fancy clutch. It was a little fabric purse...the kind we wore when we were 10 years old.
I remember being confused about it...looking inside hoping it was a gag gift for her sake and then realized it was actually my wedding present.
I said thank you, put it in my closet so my ex-husband could see I didn't throw it out and forgot about it. I didn't try and get back at her for it, never lashed out, nothing. I don't even remember getting upset over this because it was so stupid. If I did, mission accomplished for her isn't it? She wanted to offend me...create bad blood...and it wasn't even a matter of affordability since she's a doctor.
I don't care what people give me...never have and never will. A gift doesn't show me how much you care for me...it shows how much you care about how you look to others. And sometimes its an open invitation to deliver some lessons in class and manners.
Don't get pissed off...learn and move on.
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
so you know how they say its the thought that counts, its the intention…which is all good and fine and stuff…but sometimes, what if you get something really nice and u can’t be sure of the intention?
Once someone gave me a very pretty purse. There was no reason, no occasion…I liked the purse too…I thought it was a very sweet gesture but, eh, some ppl were like they probably regifted it and wanted to look good and that’s why they gave it..for me it was like…so what if they regifted it, it was a pretty thing, I liked it and it was a nice gesture..thats it…its not like I was owed anything at all to begin with!
I just felt like sharing that. 
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
what the wisest ones said: it wont hurt once you stop bothering it. The world is so full of people. only those matter who care for us. Or for whom we care unconditionally. It is appreciable that you think of your SIL as your own sister and want to be treated the same BUT we cannot really force others to be the way we are or the way we want. That would be idealism and the sooner you come out of it the better.
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
Red velvet thanks for your advice. I know how to deal with this next time from everyone advice but how to deal with situation now. now she's not talking to me and so on and I haven't said anything since. Shud I act like nothing happened ? In the past when anything has happened even if it's something she's done wrong , I have apologised and said sorry.
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
This! 
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
so what? quit bein so greedy. Appreciate.
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
Wow. And they still want equal rights 
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
only women can think and discuss such things
Re: Arghhh help with sister in law wot shud I do
Red velvet thanks for your advice. I know how to deal with this next time from everyone advice but how to deal with situation now. now she's not talking to me and so on and I haven't said anything since. Shud I act like nothing happened ? In the past when anything has happened even if it's something she's done wrong , I have apologised and said sorry.
ignore it then