Has it ever happened that let’s say your mom doesn’t get along with her sister…she has a history of many years of misunderstandings and politics beteween them…now you’re all grown up and can see that both are at fault. However, you have a reasonable balanced relationship with your khala but your mom want you to follow her directions. You know what I’m saying? She doesn’t want you to be extra nice, communicate with the khala unless absolutely necessary, etc…
Re: Are you relationships influenced by your parents?
My parents have always kept us (me and siblings) out of family politics.
In fact I remember once scolded by Ammi when I was around 16/17 and I 'took part' in discussion b/w Ammi and Nani about Ammi's cousin sister. Ammi was like 'She is your Khala. Tumheen bolney ke zarorat nahi hai. Its b/w me and her'.
So now, my parents never forced their point of view about anyone on us.
Re: Are you relationships influenced by your parents?
I've learned a lot about relatives/their relationships with my parents that I had no clue of until I was in my teens....It does make me feel uncomfortable that people maybe treat(ed) my parent(s) differently, and the person I've grown up having a great relationship with is not what they seems.
I think you should take their relationship with your parent(s) into account, but not necessarily act on it, even if your parents ask... If that khala/phupho/tayya/chachu has never said/ done anything negative against YOU, then why act in a disagreeable back to them?
However, this depends on the seriousness of the grudge/rivalry/politics/whatever ...
Re: Are you relationships influenced by your parents?
Like D6C says, parents tend to keep us out of family politics mostly. But naturally those ppl whom we didn't meet much when young, nobody expects me or my sister to go out of the way to stay in contact with her esp after getting married. But whenever somebody comes to our place or we spot an elder we meet them very nicely.
And thankfully my parents might have had some family issues when I was too young which they themselves resolved over this period and now almost everyone is a part of a happy family AH :)
Re: Are you relationships influenced by your parents?
My parents have raised me and my siblings to always respect relatives.....regardless of the tension between them and those relatives.
BUT....some of the issues that my parents have with relos.....those toxic traits are seen in the way those relos treat me and my siblings...(it's not just confined to my parents)....and because of this I prefer to maintain a distance from some of them.
I usually ignore their comments.....once in a while (and it's rare) I'll put em in their place....not with aunties/uncles...but more with cousins.
Re: Are you relationships influenced by your parents?
the way i see is this.. now you r married and have kids and etc. u dont wanna show your spouse or inlaws or even your kids your fragile relationships with your own relatives because firstly things like that backbites you and people around you takes advantage of it and secondly why you wanna cut off your kids (obviously if you have limited communication with that person than your kids probably would have none) with someone because their nani (for example) had some issues with that person in past?
Re: Are you relationships influenced by your parents?
My mother does not have a great relationship with her sister due to personality clashes. In the beginning I could see the reasoning from both sides, actually I still can. And I used to like my khala though she and my mum had their differences. But as time has passed on I have started to dislike my khala due to her habits and manipulative behavior. But I dont think my mum influenced me to "dislike" her.
On the other hand my mum has a very poisoned relationship with her inlaws (my dads family) due to many problems in their early days. She does tell us about all the troubles and problems she had with them. I do sympatize with her, but I dont hate them. They mean nothing to me as sad as that must sound, because they have never made an effort to get to know us (siblings) and always looked down upon us. For me it is a bit difficult to hate or dislike them when I have no relationship with them. If one of them died tomorrow, I've to say I would feel nothing.
