Are you really enjoying your children's childhood?

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So…I have a nearly four year old daughter and a 21 months old son. I thought I would be the type of mother who was painting rainbows and having lots of fun and laughing and doing all sorts of fun things with my children…but I’m not.

I do try and do these things…and I manage to do them sometimes but I feel like the majority of time I’m just stressed out and shouting at them. I feel like it’s some sort of a factory conveyer belt system…where I wake up, feed them, change them, feed them again, change them again, naps…feeding again…etc etc. I feel like I’ve become more like this since I’ve become too obsessed with keep the housework in check, i can’t seem to do both. If I’m cooking, doing laundry, hoovering etc…I just feel like I can’t do fun things with them. Living with in laws doesn’t help because I do worry about what they may think.

Basically I’m not the fun mother I thought I would be. Before I had my own kids, I was the favourite aunt…my nieces and nephews preferred me over their own parents. I was always in charge of keep the kids in check and entertained and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I thought it would be the same or better with my own children…but it’s not. I don’t play with them the same way, I’m too busy doing housework and getting their meal times and other such things done.

I look around me and I see other parents enjoying their children’s childhoods and I feel bad, I feel bad for being tired and snappy and just not the fun mother I thought I would be.

Are you guys the sort of parents you thought you would be? Are you enjoying your children’s childhoods? Any tips for people like me who wish they were super fun mothers?

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Re: Are you really enjoying your children's childhood?

welcome to the 'real world'...married life is NOT 'funland' for most people i think. finding a balance is the key!

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Re: Are you really enjoying your children's childhood?

My daughter is 6 and son 2. Both hubby and I work. We go to our bed rooms early and my kids love to play with us on bed. Since my son is born this is our routine. we basically stay just in one room and play together. my son loves to sing nursery rhymes and we pretend to be his fav cartoon character. Same we did with my Daughter. with my daughter we recorded whatever she played with us. my daughter used to sit and play calmly with paint or play dough but my son he leaves everything on carpet so i am avoiding using paint or play dough with him.

now when we go home, my son wants us to go straight to our bedroom. and we do.

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Re: Are you really enjoying your children's childhood?

My son was 14 months old when I got pregnant with my twins....I was on complete bedrest for the entire pregnancy and they were preemies, born at 32 weeks....extended stays in the NICU....once the twins got home I had a 2 year old and twin newborns...no househelp, no inlaws...when the twins turned two both my parents were diagnosed with end stage cancer and subsequently passed away within a year, just 30 days apart. I can't remember a single day of the first 3 years of their lives that was "fun". There were no play dates or extended craft times or trips to the parks and museums or monthly photo sessions. They don't even have baby books, and I can't recall dates they hit their milestones. I didn't have the time (or finances) to put them in sports or swim classes or activities.

Fast forward now to when they are 12 & 10 and those early days are all a blur. It started to get easier and things eventually settled down, I became for organized and relaxed and I got do all the things with them that I had always wanted to do. My boys are thriving mashallah, and don't show any signs of having suffered or been neglected lol.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Your kids don't come into this world with expectations. Please don't compare yourself to others, it's only going to bring you down.

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Re: Are you really enjoying your children's childhood?

Oh my God the op posts I could have written myself
Same here. I get stressed easily I want to shout at them a lot and its mainly just all me. Not them. It's me I'm stressed out. It's normal I guess. But I love them more than my world so I know it's normal.

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Re: Are you really enjoying your children's childhood?

Welcome to the real world! I feel that too what you are feeling OP but I am always rushing or stressing. I have learnt to be realistic! Instead of painting rainbows, I snatch a few minutes from here and there and listen to a story about school or play with them. I try to do this multiple times a day.

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Re: Are you really enjoying your children's childhood?

I was the fun aunt too. There are nights like tonight when I literally brought my kid home and let him amuse himself while I packed and packed and packed. Fed him, changed him and then packed some more.

I feel bad because I am not doing all of those things a mom should be doing sometimes...like my baby (7mo) wasn't EBF. He was born with a minor issue that is actually quite minor but until I understood it I was stressed about it all the time. So instead of enjoying him, I spent my time googling, finding specialists, doing exercises with him, etc. I made myself crazy.

I work and will continue to work...which means I will not be home all the time. And if it were up to me...I would be home with him ALL the time. I would not leave his side. More mom guilt. :)

I want to believe that me being a happy mother is the best way I can be a good mother. I want to believe that my mental piece of mind is what will help me focus on my kid. I want to believe that if I just learn to be happy...I will have solved half the problem. SO that's what I am working on these days...a work in progress but that's where I want to be someday.

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Re: Are you really enjoying your children’s childhood?

Don’t beat yourself up too much OP! Bringing up kids is hard hard work. I have just 1 kid, but with my husband’s constant travel, no help from family, and looking after the baby, the house, and a full time job drives me to the point of tears sometimes - I can only imagine how hard it must be to manage two young kids.
After being miserable trying to get everything done myself, I finally gave in and got some paid help. I now have a cleaning lady who comes in twice a month and leaves the house sparkling clean - in all honesty, she does a better job than I ever could :cb:. I also have a babysitter come in a few evenings a week so I can get my own stuff done. Best thing is she also helps with baby chores - washing bottles, doing her laundry, tidying her room etc so I actually have time to play with the kiddo stress free :slight_smile:
Is getting help an option for you? I know it’s not cheap, but having a babysitter for just 2 hrs a week gives you some time to relax and unwind, or get the house in order. As far as doing fun stuff with the kids - planning ahead helps. Kids don’t need much.. even a bucket of water to splash around in the backyard is super fun! If you find being in the house is too stressful, maybe take them to the park, library etc where you’re not constantly reminded of everything that you need to get done in the house..
And 100% agree with what Reha said, a happy mom is really what kids need!

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Re: Are you really enjoying your children's childhood?

Awww guys, thanks a lot for all the replies. I really appreciate it, thank you to every single one of you for replying.

Some of you guys have had it tough. Wow strong women! Ma sha Allah.

Maybe I am being too hard on myself. I generally over analyse things anyways so I guess it's the same with the kids and how much "quality time" they are getting. Today I tried to just relax and take them out, it is easier when we are out because I'm not constantly stressing about what needs to be done at home. Or the mil. Also you guys are right, a happy mother is what the kids need. In sha Allah I hope that when I look back I don't have regrets about not doing this or that with them and they remember a happy mother....or that like khattichic, atleast I'm able to do all the things that I want to when they are a bit older and this stressful, busy time just seems like a blur...but hopefully a happy blur.

It's amazing how much I thought I knew about children and parenting and how kids should be raised BEFORE I actually became a mother. I wish I could go back and slap the pre-motherhood me! My kids have put me straight!

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Re: Are you really enjoying your children’s childhood?

I can so relate to this!
Michael McIntyre - People with no kids don’t know - YouTube

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Re: Are you really enjoying your children’s childhood?

Just know that you aren’t alone in this. Parenting is a stressful FT job on its own. Do the best you can and don’t beat yourself to be more perfect.

I have a 6,5 and a 2 year old; and I’m beyond exhausted. I wake up tired and I go to bed drained, especially now that school has been out. But like someone else mentioned try to make it easy on yourself and get some paid help. I have a cleaning lady that comes in and seriously its the biggest help i can ask for, the rest of the chores don’t seem that big of a deal to me. Ask your husband to help out on the weekends - This morning my husband offered to do the dishes before going to the gym and I hadn’t even asked him, I was so touched and thankful alhamdulilah :slight_smile:

And in regards to the daily chores exactly how it is like you mentioned repetitive work…My little one gets into corners and bathrooms and makes a big mess with hands down the toilet bowl or even jumping in the bathtub hoping to give himself a bath…I have to constantly keep an eye on him in between making meals, cleaning up, dishes, laundry, play-dates, errands or park outings, and by the afternoon meal, I am kaput and ready to collapse. I sometimes want to curl in a ball and take a long nap but I can’t LOLs

What helps me cope with the stress is getting my time away from the kids (in the evenings after hubby gets home from work)…For instance I go to movies with my friends/siblings - I’ll go see my parents if I feel like it, a bunch of us get together on regular basis for coffee/dinners.

It keeps me sane. You should definitely try sometime away from home and kids.

I am still however on the lookout for a babysitter so my husband and I can have alone time together as well.

All we can do is take each day at a time, This time will pass, they will grow up insha’Allah and we will miss these times :biggthumb:

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Re: Are you really enjoying your children's childhood?

You're not suppose to be the "fun aunt" for your kids, that's not how it works and I think even kids themselves know that - don't beat yourself over that. However, it seems like the load of housework is pretty stressful for you, how about some help either paid or from family? Where is your husband in all of this? Plus I think you shouldn't be so hard on yourself and no one is really super mom out there, it's all about perspective ;)

Personally, I've two kids with a pretty big age gap (eldest is 8, youngest is 1.5). I don't prioritize housework over my kids, ever. That's just the way it is. Also I've paid house help because I work and I'm not really going to spend whatever time I'm off doing my bathrooms :D(although I do like cleaning up as I find it a way to stress off) .. My motto is simple, kids first and then everything else to the extent that my husband sometimes has to bring take out for dinner because we were too busy with the kids (either being out or playing a game at home etc.) but that works for us because both of us are on same page about this.

And like Royal Gala said, make time for yourself. Some alone time without kids. It's so important to stress off and really be yourself with your kids. You don't want them to always see you stressed out and snappy.

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Re: Are you really enjoying your children's childhood?

I am a type A person and I can not relax until the housework is done. However, since my little twinzies came home, there is always housework to do. I am tired all the time! I actually have a lot of help... my moms watches them both twice a week and my MIL watches one of them twice a week. This gives me a chance to get a lot done. However, I feel like I am not bonding with them. My daughter is colicky every night from 8-11pm. This really drains all my energy. I rarely get to do what I want to with them... I wanna read to them, and play with them but I get so frustrated when both of them cry together that I do not even talk to them. I really hope that things will get better after some time

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Re: Are you really enjoying your children’s childhood?

Aap ko bas ishara chahiye tha na…

:chai:

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Re: Are you really enjoying your children’s childhood?

Matlab?

Zaraa araam se piyaain…zubaan jal jai gi

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Re: Are you really enjoying your children's childhood?

I am still drinking slower than you praising yourself. Self praise overload much. LAWD

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Re: Are you really enjoying your children's childhood?

It isnt alll rainbows and peachy strolls in the park.

Before I had my son I thought I would be the mom who enjoyed every waking minute with my son.

Now that he's 2, I cant wait for nap time.

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Re: Are you really enjoying your children's childhood?

I can give a Guys perspective. Before my kids, i was also one of the most fav uncle, bhai jaan etc. but my own 5 and 3 year olders have really taken a toll. Love them to death and enjoy them seeing grow and do all kind of stuff but God knows its so trying... Some times feel I have lost my identity, they guy who was out on roads all the time, games, out and about, now even going to take shower requires some sort of planning. that said, I am definitively enjoying these two rug rats growing :)

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Re: Are you really enjoying your children’s childhood?

Who has children anyways?:konfused: