I think I was raised well. I turned out fine. Things weren’t as “perfect” as we make them out to be today. Everything is measured and there are so many rules and by the book practices. Never do this and oh never ever do that otherwise your kid will turn out that way.
Are we making a big deal about everything? Is there too much emphasis on social and psychological factors? Maybe I’m not making myself clear… but what I’m trying to say is that are we new parents too uptight?
Discuss.
Re: Are we making a big deal?
I think everyone is in a struggle of being too perfect these days. Means look at us ... Relationship Prefect ... Education Perfect ... Job Perfect ... Dress Prefect ... Bacha Party Perfect ... we want everything perfect. If something is not perfect than we have started considering it as bad. I think in this struggle of perfectionism we have totally forgot about the beauty of imperfection and become more stricter about our standards.
Loo jee ... these are my Ponnay du cents. :p
Re: Are we making a big deal?
Good thread Nik
You are right everyone is struggling to do parenting right or perfect.
You know book main aik tareeqa likha hota her buchchay kay liaay ya yoon kahain saray buchhon kay liaay jub kay sub buchchay aik tarha kay naheen hotay na hi unko aik tarha ya tareeqay say pala ja sakta hai.
Kitaab say parh kar aap kuch samajh to hasil kar saktay hain laikin us main apni skills add kar kay her buchchay kay mutabiq ussay tarbiat day saktay hain.
Chahay kitabain parh lain ya apnay parents ya kis ka tajarba use kar lain baharhaal aap nain apnay buchchon kay lihaaz say hi her kisi say deal karna hota hai.
Aik hi parents kay mukhtalife buchchay bilkul mukhtalif shakhshiaat rakhtay hain is liaay unsay deal bhi mukhtalif tareeqonsay karna parta hai.
Agar aap ka buchcha zaheen hai to usko palna utna hi mushkil hai aur agar aap nain ziada laad pyaar main ussay spoil kar dia hai to usko sambhaalna bhi utna hi mushkil hai.
What you can do:
Analyze what kind of your kid is.....seedha shareef simple jo kaho maan kar amal karta hai
ya jaldi baat naheen manta aur na hi samjhata hai samjhana aur manwana dono mushkil hai.
Ya bilkul hattay say nikla huway hai kisi tarha qaboo main naheen ata.
Her aik per aik hi formula naheen use ho sakta.
Her aik ki parenting kay liaay alag alag formula use karna paray ga.
Yay aap pay munhasir hai kay aap kis tarha samjhti hain buchchay ko aur kis tarha deal karti hain aur uski tarbiaat kin khutoot pay karti hain.
Books, parents ya dost rishtaydaar say madad lenay main koi muzaiqa naheen laikin apni sikill bhi lagani hoti hai buchchay ko madd e nazar rakhtay huway.
Allah bay bharosay aur dua kay saath apnay techniques bhi use karain.
Issues such as as alcoholism, depression, drug addiction, abuse (psychological, verbal, psychological, sexual) are more prevalent in today's society. In an effort to understand them, psychologists have found that they are often caused by a troubled upbringing and family life. Also, in recent years, psychologists have found many psychological and personality disorders such as narcissistic disorder, anxiety attacks, schizophrenia, anti-social behaviors, etc. While sometimes these disorders are genetic, they can also be triggered by a dysfunctional upbringing. Since there is more of an awareness of these issues, more of an effort is being made to implement careful and healthy upbringing of children.
I know that families of All races make parenting mistakes. But I recently read an article which said that parental emotional abuse is becoming a rampant disease in Desi society because parents are hurting their children by frequently comparing them or by controlling them to the point that they are not encouraged to voice input regarding their own major life decisions. I've even heard Desi women in their 40's say that their parent's actions negatively affected their self-esteem. It's not common to hear something like this from someone so much older since our culture is reserved, but I thought it was interesting. SOME things are just PLAIN COMMON SENSE and don't require reading an encyclopedia on how to raise children.
On the positive side, an increased awareness can help us prevent the same mistakes in the future. It's an interesting but tough question you've asked, Niksik. On one hand, all this increased awareness of child psychology is a result of the problems we have in society..........And on the other hand, this awareness should help society become better. Has it become better? Or are there way too many factors besides upbringing that play into that as well? Fascinating topic. Enjoyed analyzing it!
Re: Are we making a big deal?
Thanks redvelvet. You're right about all the changes that have occured in our society hence the need for change in parenting methods as well.
Re: Are we making a big deal?
I believe Niksik you turned out to be okay BECAUSE your life was not perfect.
yes - the emphasis on "perfect" is everywhere but this is something that I have learned in my life. Sometimes you have to give your kids an "not perfect" life for them to appriciate the perfect one.
I am going to make my kids "struggle" a bit. Call it tough love or whatever but I am not going to give them "perfect" life so they know the value of family, money, hard work. I don't know - they might resent me for it but it's a chance I have to take.
My husband does not agree with me on this.
Re: Are we making a big deal?
Battle of two extremes taking place, one where the parents try to be perfect and the other where parents have no care.. Taking the middle path, why does it hurt us to take that path?