The new Generation seems to have figured everything out, even if they haven’t seen the world or being in a relationship with the opposite sex. They seemed to be in control of their destiny and know from the beginning what they want, need and looking for in their potential partner, but they still complain about relationships and are worried about their future.
One of the interesting things that I have noticed is that we, the new generation, always laugh and seemed to be amazed at the concept of " knowing your potential partner" before getting married. We become understandably irritated of having few meetings before getting married. Its wrong in our opinion and at the same time we do the opposite.
The culture of fast dating, online relationship and matrimonial sites, the quick fix seemed to suggest that we are not interested in getting to know the other person because in reality due to TV, internet and many other things we have become so rigid that we reject change and compromise and are looking for someone who can fit into our ideals and mode of views and lifestyle.
I think we are being hypocrites when we lash out, make fun or get irritated upon hearing about the match making process of our elder generations.
Yes I think the new genereation thinks they have "arrived" even before getting there.
Kidding.
But yes, I think that my generation thinks we are smarter than my parents...and probably they thought so too. I think every new generation has more exposure than the other sooner than the other so they may believe that their experiences come quicker.
I dont think I laugh at my parents' way of meeting.
I do wonder at it...how on earth they made it work when they had never even spoken a single word to each other before their wedding? My dad had a cassette of my mom's voice (she was a naatkhwan in pakistan) and thats it. My mom didnt even have a picture.
How on earth did those marriages last a lifetime?
And here we are...with every known resource available to us as well as freedom...yet our marriages arent even making it to the first anniversaries.
I dont think I laugh at my parents' way of meeting.
I do wonder at it...how on earth they made it work when they had never even spoken a single word to each other before their wedding? My dad had a cassette of my mom's voice (she was a naatkhwan in pakistan) and thats it. My mom didnt even have a picture.
How on earth did those marriages last a lifetime?
And here we are...with every known resource available to us as well as freedom...yet our marriages arent even making it to the first anniversaries.
I don't know if you meant the unacceptability of divorce as a positive or negative. In some cases it's needed and I know two people in my family who have had divorces and it's not that big a deal. But a lack of acceptance of divorce can be a good thing. Many older couples stuck through hard times because it was unacceptable to divorce and also the women couldn't afford to leave their husbands. In the article I read, all couple who stuck it out (50+ years) are happy they didn't divorce. And this was for Americans.
We have a lot of options and often have a me first attitude which is a recipe for disaster. How many people honestly know what's good for them and then MAKE that choice. We often take the easy way out.
One more point which the women will hate is that nowadays girls are more assertive. I'm not saying women who get abused shouldn't speak up, but women even 20-30 years ago stuck it out a lot more than today. My mom put up with a horrible MIL, a decrease in her standard of living and moving to a new country with my dad. Now, me and my siblings are doing better academically etc than pretty much all our cousins and my parents are more secure financially than most in our family.
Reading some of the threads here makes me think that half of the women on here would not have stayed. That said, my dad is a lot more liberal than regular desi guys (helps cook, clean etc) so that's a factor as well.
^who was abusive though just the mother in law or was your father also abusive towards your mother? didn't she become numb after a while, how can a human being keep loving somebody that's hurtful all the time towards them or can love withstand even constant pain like that and that's why your parents stayed together.
i guess knowing that a woman would be alone if she did divorce b/c who would've married a divorcee during those times and even now it's still difficult right? so a woman even in such a painful marriage would stay as numb as she's become towards her hurtful husband/mil.
are women really more selfish now or just stronger to stand on their own. cuz life is lonely after divorce but less painful
I should clarify, her MIL would argue with my mom and she only lived with my parents for a few years. My dad was fully supportive of my mom because she didn't argue with the MIL. There was no abuse between my parents; my dad helps around the house, cooks, doesn't wake my mom up when he has to go to work early etc. He's not the typical desi guy. But on the other hand, she willingly cooks stuff for him, likes to take care of the family and fully reciprocates. They have a pretty solid marriage.
And like I said, women in abusive relationships (abuse from spouse) have every right to leave. That was just an example I gave of white couples who had regular hardships (not abuse) and had to stick it out because of economic and social reasons and now they're glad they did. That's the key point, they stuck it out and are glad for it. Meanwhile, people today have more options and don't see staying and working on a marriage as a virtue. In my mind you should take a break, live at your parents for a while if you have to, but do everything you can before you divorce. Keep in mind I'm not a religious nut either, my dad is pretty liberal and I am as well but I think a bit of conservatism towards family and marriage is a good thing.
And I was saying both men and women are more selfish. A lot of men today are just man-children. They don't want to work, take care of the family etc.
I don't know what kind of exposure this new generation is getting about life that they claim to be more smarter than their elder generations, when the reality is that they want everything remote controlled. Just because you have the access to bundle of information over the internet, TV etc does not mean that one has becomes qualified on any issue when most of these mediums only discuss those problems rather solving it.
The reason previous marriages being successful shows that even though they did not have the exposure to the world, but they were wiser in understanding relationships.
Divorce is a big issue than it was before. Just because couple decide to part their ways does not mean that their lives becomes easier. Most of the divorces are done on unreasonable things these days.
Amongst desis, really?? Also, what would u class as 'unreasonable'?
Wife committing willfully before wedding to re-locate to a new country with husband a few months after shadi.
Participating willfully in all planning and arrangements to settle abroad.
Then getting a pay raise at her job three weeks before the flight.
Changing her mind about the future plans but keeping to herself and her immediate family.
Apparently, going to stay with her parents for a week before departure and never returning.
Bailing out of shadi a week before departure.
All this while she was on good terms with the hubby.
Zero hint of displeasure at moving abroad.
^Course that's unreasonable.. Wife should stick to what she said agreed beforehand..
Didn't think this sort of thing was common tho, esp when even now it's usually not that easy for girls to remarry after divorce.. Often the fights tend to be over living arrangements, staying with inlaws, wife not being allowed to work etc.
I think its all generations: when we are young we always think we know what we are doing....and then we grow up and realize we knew nothing at all.
The main difference with our generation is that we want what we want NOW. Patience is definitely not our strong suit.
I don't know if you meant the unacceptability of divorce as a positive or negative. In some cases it's needed and I know two people in my family who have had divorces and it's not that big a deal. But a lack of acceptance of divorce can be a good thing. Many older couples stuck through hard times because it was unacceptable to divorce and also the women couldn't afford to leave their husbands. In the article I read, all couple who stuck it out (50+ years) are happy they didn't divorce. And this was for Americans.
We have a lot of options and often have a me first attitude which is a recipe for disaster. How many people honestly know what's good for them and then MAKE that choice. We often take the easy way out.
One more point which the women will hate is that nowadays girls are more assertive. I'm not saying women who get abused shouldn't speak up, but** women even 20-30 years ago stuck it out a lot more than today. My mom put up with a horrible MIL, a decrease in her standard of living and moving to a new country with my dad. Now, me and my siblings are doing better academically etc than pretty much all our cousins and my parents are more secure financially than most in our family.**
Reading some of the threads here makes me think that half of the women on here would not have stayed. That said, my dad is a lot more liberal than regular desi guys (helps cook, clean etc) so that's a factor as well.
While I may nto agree with all the points you definitely bring up interestingpoints.
Also, the bit in bold, I think that's the story of almost every woman from our parents generation, I know so many women who were abused and put up with stuff that women from our generation would never put up with.....but somehow, according to them, things changed for the better after 10 years almost overnight and they're glad they stuck it out......so who knows.
Ending a marriage isn't an easy decision to make and 99% of the time, alot of thought and consideration goes into making that choice.
I dont think its easy to end a marriage for a woman. I dont know about what men go through but from a woman's perspective I can say that no woman ever walks into marriage thinking of leaving. No girl signs those papers without the intention of really trying and divorce is not in her wildest dreams.
I feel that as our times changed...so did people...but the expectations are still the same...from our society. Isnt it wrong though?
Im not trying to be a feminist here. I just cannot help but notice that the expectations from a woman are growing. With education and a bit of confidence in yourself...what girl would want to keep trying to live up to that her entire life?