Look around. THe women from south asia are leaders in Industy, sciences, finance and medicine. They do all this and enjoy a a strong family life. It is up to the men to wake up and smell the coffee. Their husbands recognize the balance and do their part instead of playing lord of the manor while working in a newspaper stand while the wife is doing cadio-thoracic surgery.
There need not be a sacrifice. I know multiple Indian families, including my own, where both parents worked o create a balance for each to succeed professionally and at the same time enjoyed a tremendous family life.
I believe most of the desi husbands would be just fine in helping their wives at home if they can overcome the fears of getting labelled as Zun Mureed, run day thallay, under the thumb, zanana, etc. They are usually ridiculed by their friends who as Matsui described are lord of the manor or their mothers, sisters who are envious of the wife who is getting such nice treatment.
To all desi men, do what you think is right and not what others think is not right. Get it?.
Excellent point Funguy. THe onus is on the men from south asia to help and encourage their wives, sisters, friends, achieve all they can academically and professionally. Strong and individually accomplished women are the greatest role models for their kids be they daughters or sons.
Re: Are todays Asian Women a turn off for Asian Men..
** Guys... do ambitious and career minded women appeal to you.
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Hell ya... all da career wooman have all da experiance.. workin in the industry turns u from an amatuer to a pro ... camera exposure adds atleast 40 mins
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would you like a challenging relationship with a woman or just a submissive doormat?
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a bit of both... variety is important
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what else about todays women puts you off...
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mah beast iz preety strong... although me must admit insulation around da girls these days does choke me beast
** Gals you can add your views too..about men turnoffs... **
hair?
Well, a modern woman if she is doing all the stuff herself would rather kick him out then put up with 'kisay kam na joga husband.'
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PA.... what kind of woman want to put up with a man like that.
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huh? what's wrong with that man who takes the primary responsibility for raising the kids, cooking and cleaning the house while you're being the sole bread earner for the family??
If he can support the lifestyle I want to live, then I won't have to work. But if he keeps me on a tight budget and doesn't allow me to spend as I like, then I will definitely have to work.
lost soul..im sorry to hear about your father. it is indeed hard to comprehend what your mother must have gone through..but shes a brave woman..my respects to her.
i think todays men are actually very understanding..i guess our society has slowly taken a step forward..but all depending on where we are..what kind of society we are living in. ive yet to come across literarte men behaving otherwise.
matsui... its good for the south asian women to be given the liberty of working at the same time taking care of household. but still there are other women in the world who are not as lucky. maybe its the choice of their partner or themselves that they have become doormats.
i know some families can work out a very well balance between career and family. But i aslo do know of families which dont. Due to high career demands they tend to neglect their children who are left to be brought up by day care nurseries or by nannies. The loss here is of the child's. This is where i do not agree of strongly career minded women being role model for their children.
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*Originally posted by PakistaniAbroad: *
i for one would like to take women up on this..
How comfortable would they be being the sole bread earner for the family, putting in their fair share in housework and raising the kids and also put up with a husband who puts on 50 pounds right after he gets married?
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did you not mean a woman who takes up all the responsibility while the man does nothing?
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*Originally posted by cat-woman: *
If he can support the lifestyle I want to live, then I won't have to work. But if he keeps me on a tight budget and doesn't allow me to spend as I like, then I will definitely have to work.
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cat-woman...its true what you say. but personally i wouldnt depend on my partner when it comes to financial issues. i prefer to be independent and be able to help not only him but myself.
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*Originally posted by shine1: *
did you not mean a woman who takes up all the responsibility while the man does nothing?
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it's strange, that when you reverse the roles and make the husband the party who stays back, takes care of the home and kids etc. it all suddenly becomes "nothing" and he is considered a dead-beat.
Well it depends on your definition of ‘submissive doormat’…to me, it is lack of self-respect and self-confidence and I think that’s bad. How do you define it?
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Gals you can add your views too..about men turnoffs...
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Asian(Pakistani's), they seem to be the biggest confused cases i know, Culture is theyre religion, so no arguments there.
theyd talk about having an educated wife, then theyd want a "housewife".
If it wasn't for the ingrained hypocrtical pakistani culture in most people, then this topic won't even come up.
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*Originally posted by SaadiaB: *
Education n career is important for women but its not everything. I personally don't prefere to be a female who would not give up her career - job for a family. I think there should be a balance. But when kids arrive then the main concentration should be the kids and family, as which kid would like to have a long hours working mom n dad. I remember growing up my main importance was after coming home from school was to have mom at home, warm meal and someone to look forward to (kids are selfish i know). Like lost soul, I agree that part time work is the solution when kids are small.
As for men not helping @ home, this is truely unjust. When females can make so many sacrifises why cant men help around in the household. I tell every female to let her son's work at home, i hate nothing more when mothers spoil their sons and let their daughters do everything at home. When teenager boys are not taught anything at all. Guys should learn to cook, clean and work at home, everythings that females also learn. This whole culture, societly concept, role giving is just stupid.
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Asian(Pakistani's), they seem to be the biggest confused cases i know, Culture is theyre religion, so no arguments there.
theyd talk about having an educated wife, then theyd want a "housewife".
If it wasn't for the ingrained hypocrtical pakistani culture in most people, then this topic won't even come up.
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Yup, culture is definitely more important than religion in many Pakistani families. The girl has got to be highly educated and career-oriented, but then, in a lot of cases, she has to give up her career once she becomes a mother.
Personally, having a career of my own is important. I don't want to be financially dependent on anybody, especially not my hubby after I get married. However, once I have a child, I would prefer being a stay-at-home mother ..... but that would only work if my husband was making enough money to support the family. If not, then I would have to work.
Overall, the asian culture is very patriarchal. The onus is more on women to make sacrifices when it comes to family and career. However, I have noticed that a lot of asian men born and raised in the west have a lot of respect for women with careers and admire women who are independent and have a mind of their own. I have come across very few men who actually want their women to stop working from day one of the marriage.
I used to think that many desi guys want a career minded girl for marriage until I started having rishtas. 90% of my rishtas did not want me to work. They wanted me to stay at home and raise children. These guys were well educated themselves and to my surprise didnt want me to work ever.
Of course, this is not a cross section of society I am talking about here. I find that many guys nowadays want a wife that works until children are born, then they want her to be at home for a few years, and then start up a career again. Then of course there are the ones that dont want their wives to work at all. But those are the two "varieties" I have come across mostly.
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*Originally posted by Munni: *
I used to think that many desi guys want a career minded girl for marriage until I started having rishtas. 90% of my rishtas did not want me to work. They wanted me to stay at home and raise children. These guys were well educated themselves and to my surprise didnt want me to work ever.
Of course, this is not a cross section of society I am talking about here. I find that many guys nowadays want a wife that works until children are born, then they want her to be at home for a few years, and then start up a career again. Then of course there are the ones that dont want their wives to work at all. But those are the two "varieties" I have come across mostly.
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