Well, communication gap also depends on age at which they had kids.
At times, the distance kept by fathers is helpful since too much 'ocassionally' closeness does lead to child going stray and not be worrying about what father might think.
A balance hence is acceptable whereby mother is very close to kids and relates their concern to father and father quietly makes a good decision for them.
Younger parents relate more to their children than older parents.
Parents also relate better to older children than younger ones. Even though they may love all the same or love one more than other.
I do not think we should paint desi fathers as all good either.
Just as not all desies bad, not all non-desis bad.
I love my daddy, I really do! Allah ka shukar hai that I have my daddy! :@: (Yes I am a daddy's girl! :) ) He and mama sacrifice so much for us that we wouldn't believe. It's just the whole not treating boys and girls the same thing that annoys me. I guess that's still the older generation that does that though.....
I guess it also depends on how mature the guy was when they had kids. My fiancees BIL wouldn't even hold his daughter for the first 4 or so months after she was born.....but she's a complete daddy's girl too!
I love my daddy…he is very cool…I can say anything I want to him…he is like a friend…I talk non-stop to him like a parrot..and he would always laugh at my silly jokes even if no one else would
This is how open I am with him, one day we were in the car and there was some guy riding on his VERY COOL bike…and I turned around to my dad and said, “Pops, one day I want a biker boyfriend!”, he just looked at me and laughed
But when I was little I was dead scared of him, coz I know he is a man of his word, if I do something naughty I would get a spanking…but as I grew up he became more my friend than my dad…so I stopped being afraid of him…and took him more as a friend…I guess that is what he wanted coz my parents are divorced…and I grew up with him.
My soon to be BIL never held his daughter until she was about 6 months old or something....I guess he was afraid or something, but now she is such a little daddy's girl.
**Lol! Geez, I can’t even mention my fiance in front of my dad just cause I’m scared of what he’s gonna think! He’s never said anything though but I huess it’s the leftover from childhood thing of not talking/mentionig/thinking about guys! **
PS Forget he biker boyfriend, I want a bike! A nice sweet black and silver motorcycle!
I think the desi men I know are great fathers. My best friend's husband is an AMAZING father!!! Mashallah. He is gone 4 days out of the week for work but the 3 days he is home...my friend doesnt see her kids at all. she doesnt know where they are because he is doing things with them. He misses them and they miss him. He will spend time with them, do homework with them, do projects with them, etc. He is a very loving father, Mashallah. I joke around with them that I will leave my kids with her and pick them up in 5 years because (nazar na lagay) they are doing a great job with the kids. Such a great team Mashallah!
My other best friend just had a baby boy and his diapers are mainly changed by daddy, not mommy. I have yet to see what kind of a daddy he will be but judging from his devotion...I think a good one.
The thing with our desi dads is that they want to make sure their kids have life skills...they dont care about holding, cuddling, kissing, etc. They need to know their kids are independant, self sufficient and can carry their own in this world. Their method of showing love is different compared the conventional way. So sometimes they come off as cold but the fact is they care too much.
Im generalizing because most fathers I know are like this...there are exceptions though.
don't know if Pakistani guys are good fathers are not... but I do wonder how many guys actually have kids planned out and want to have them because they want and understand the huge responsibility it is to bring up a kid who will hopefully grow up to be a good, well rounded individual. or if having kids is just something that happens as a consequence of marriage and marriage is something that happens as a consequence of getting a stable job.
I also think GS is a pretty bad place to ask this question since most people here are well educated and pretty sensible and might fall under the former category. but once the question is extended to Pakistani society at large, most men will fall in the latter category where having a kid is proof there's nothing "wrong" with the man and to make sure that khandaan kaa naam aagay chalay (which imo is a retarded reason to have kids)...
Most of the ones I know, including my father, my brother, and on my in-laws' side are good fathers. and InshAllah, my husband will be in that group too. (one day :D)
I have two boys and one girl , she is the youngest, she is nine now turning ten , in my eyes she is still a baby. She get away with anything but not the boys. I do not want to spoil her but I do want her to enjoy life to its fullest within the boundaries. Her mother imposes more restrictions on her than I do. I have many many friends and I know for a fact they are the best dads for their daughters as well as their sons.. I do not know any bad apples , Alhumdulillah.
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