Like i understand back in the days our parents probably didnt even look at eachother & they ended up getting married but how can it still work?
For some reason i believe everything should start up with frienddship because atleast then the couple knows the reality of eachother. But if a guy comes to ask for a girl then nobody knows but he can even be hiding alot of stuff from the girl as he will know his gowing to marry her…
Just a thought that the world isnt what it was…back in the days boys and girls didnt have much communication, but now every girl and boy has communication with eachother and its not neccessary that they will chose wrong life partners…
so another question lol…why are desi parents sooo much against love marriages?
Just some thoughts..
I was just thinking…if ever a time comes in life wer i like someone…how would i tell my parents lol & would it be a gd idea telling them? how do we handle a situation if they get mad at us?
say someebodys family backgrounds not tooo gd, does that mean he wont be gdd too?
Re: Arange marriage in this century & Desi parents against love marriage...
Nowadays, most 'arranged' marriages are barely what you described. The only arranged part is the parents deciding who the guy/girl is, rarely do the bride and groom not see each other and end up living together 6 months later. They're given a chance to know each other/see each other enough to decide on whether they want to become engaged. And during the engagement period most couples get to know each other more and more. It's totally not like it used to be.
As for the love marriage thing, that's not changed as much but there def has been a move toward the better. Desi parents are against it cos it kind of says "yeh i've been dating and i found someone I want". Plus, Asian parents are VERY protective as compared to other parents...they want the best of the best for their kids. All parents are like that, really, but they show it in different ways I suppose.
Re: Arange marriage in this century & Desi parents against love marriage…
first of all, how do I center text and pretend I’m writing prose?
to answer your questions:
It is a misconception that there were no love marriage in “our parents” times. Its such an ignorant pre-historic way of looking at things. Most of the time when people liked each other 40 years ago, they didn’t hangout all on their own and had premarital sex. Thats the difference. Because of this discipline, it seemed that they DIDNT LIKE.
Every parent has their own criteria. They are ONLY against it if they think you are too young to know better what you are getting in to. They are NOT totally against the concept of “love marriage” per se… depends on who your parents are really…
Re: Arange marriage in this century & Desi parents against love marriage…
Rubbish, I’m sure some fell in love then and got married. Not all arranged.
As to how it can still work, well you’re are just getting used to each other in the first years of marriage. Knowing each other’s likes, dislikes, personalities, hobbies etc etc becoming friends. Then after, that’s probably when you fall in love with each other. I guess that’s how parents were back then.
Regarding how you should tell your parents that you like someone, you need to be open with them (depending on your relationship with them). Sit them down and explain everything to them and allow them some time to take it all in. That way, they realise that you trust them and are comfortable enough to confide in them. They would want your happiness anyway.
Re: Arange marriage in this century & Desi parents against love marriage…
Of course there were love marriages and in some cases pre-marital relationships, they just weren’t so common or talked about for obvious reasons..
Some of my uncles and aunts had love marriages, one set of my grandparents did as well.. Sometimes if a love marriage was taking place the relatives would still pretend it was arranged tho lol
Re: Arange marriage in this century & Desi parents against love marriage…
Wishful thinking.. Many parents are still against marriages to someone of a different race etc, even if they know deep down their son or daughter isn’t stupid or naive..
Re: Arange marriage in this century & Desi parents against love marriage…
I come from a very conservative family both here and back home and I’m having a “love” marriage. It allll depends on how you present it to your parents. If you come out and say “so I’m dating this guy and we hang out together alone all the time and we’re in love…blah blah blah blah”, it’ll cause problems IF your family is more traditional (like mine). So we went the route of his mom calling my mom and explaining that he was interested (my mom already knew because she had kept asking me about rishtas and if I had someone in mind so I mentioned it to her) and it was fine. As long as parents are involved, most “modern” parents won’t mind too much. It depends on how you’re raised, too. yeah, I’m from a conservative family but my mom is a major feminist about certain things and I was always allowed to go away from home for school, pursue whatever degree I wanted, live alone, etc. So me finding my own person was probably a relief for them since they hadn’t been around me for long enough since I moved out after high school.
Just gauge your own situation and approach parents appropriately. What flies for one set of parents won’t work with another.
