My Arab friends told me that in Arab culture they have a very strong ravaj that they never leak the fact that this person asked for this girl’s hand in marriage. Sisters don’t even tell their sisters if some person has asked for their daughter’s hand. Its very highly guarded top secret info and disclosing it is considered a very shameful act. This is because that way if the girl’s side refuses the proposal, and if the same guy goes and asks for the hand in marriage of another girl who knows the first girl, the second girl’s family and her don’t feel awkward saying yes to the proposal.
Also unlike desi culture the proposal system is different, as in, at the point where the guy’s side takes the proposal to the girl’s side then that pretty much means the guy’s side is totally sure and it depends on the girl’s side’s haan at that point. Whereas in desi culture, even after taking the proposal, the guy’s side can stull refuse. Which I think is a bit weird?
These two traditions are really good I think. How come in our desi society this news always gets out and the whole world gets to know about these things k who sent a rishta for who? This certainly makes things difficult for the girl’s side. Will most girls would agree with me that if you get a proposal from someone who was refused by a friend or cousin of yours or specially who refused a friend or cousin of yours, even if its a second cousin or if the friend is not very close, you would not want to say yes to that person and if you do it would be with a lot of thought?
It is about portfolio management. News like this allows for fair market pricing. If there is insider trading happening like with the arabs, then only side is benefitting. Kind of like their whole society. Market makers like the Aunties are key to keep th etradition of the bakbak and therefore allowing a community to keep their marriage portfolio more dynamic and allow for real time assessments of the trades..err. weddings.
I'm not so sure irem. For example, I have told friends about rishtas I have had and some of them asked me about them, and if I could possibly pass them onto them(letting them know that another friend is looking) if I wasnt interested myself. Infact a lot of my friends have suggested this to me in the past, and even now.
Munni, hmmm...interesting...how would you feel abt accepting a proposal from someone who refused your friend but your friend kinda liked the person and still has some kinda emotional attachment with that peron even tho that person might not with your friend...in my books thats a straight no. what do u think? :)
[QUOTE] Originally posted by Matsui: *
It is about portfolio management. News like this allows for fair market pricing. If there is insider trading happening like with the arabs, * then only side is benefitting**. Kind of like their whole society. Market makers like the Aunties are key to keep th etradition of the bakbak and therefore allowing a community to keep their marriage portfolio more dynamic and allow for real time assessments of the trades..err. weddings.
[/QUOTE]
no wonder the avg educated indian man is a bargain at a few lakhs :).
Fair market pricing would occur when the demand and supply were not artifically regulated or otherwise constrained/over/underpriced due to SOPs. Currently that system does not exist, but I am sure you already knew that.
HMCQ, this is the reason you are still jobless while an avg. Indian makes a few lakhs a year. But I guess you already knew that.. :)
DO you honestly think some of us come to Health and Relationship to write about price theory? If you cannot see the humor in what I wrote then maybe you should get another degree in the classics. In the meantime, use your time wisely and check for spelling errors or missing punctuation marks in what I wrote.
Munni, hmmm...interesting...how would you feel abt accepting a proposal from someone who refused your friend but your friend kinda liked the person and still has some kinda emotional attachment with that peron even tho that person might not with your friend...in my books thats a straight no. what do u think?
hmm that would depend..if this were a typical desi rishta process where you never get to know the person proposing ...who cares if they reject you? What are you basing your liking on? A brief salam with chai?
Yeah... I would talk to my friend first.. if she was rejected on superficial nonsense I would not want to say yes to the guy then either.
I dunno though.. I was a little sympathetic with a guy I know for getting rejected by some girl he liked until I got to know him better and then realized what a complete jerk he was!
Now if I had a girl take interest in me whom I know a good friend likes yeah then no way that'd be wrong! ...I've had this happen to me a few times.. it's really akward cause usually your friend will accuse you of betraying them even when you never ever talked to the person interested in you?!
Munni, hmmm...interesting...how would you feel abt accepting a proposal from someone who refused your friend but your friend kinda liked the person and still has some kinda emotional attachment with that peron even tho that person might not with your friend...in my books thats a straight no. what do u think? :)
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Hmm, I have infact been in a similar situation. A friend of mine sort of liked this guy, but I didnt know it at the time. He wanted to be my rishta. I asked my friend if she liked him and she said no eventhough she did(I found out later). I believed my friend and went ahead in getting to know this rishta. It didnt end up working out between me and the rishta. I told my friend what happened. She was no longer my friend after that incident because she said it was wrong of me to consider him, eventhough he wasnt interested in her. sigh
So, in that scenario, it would be a no for me. I'm not going through that again.
Matsui - yes I did see the humor, but then was the question asked in jest? Perhaps a genius commedian like yourself would be best appreciated in the jokes section, but then I am guessing you already knew that.
Good Point HMCQ, and maybe a Finance superstar like yourself can teach us all the finer points of portfolio optimization in the Business and economics section. Atleast i tried to show some parallel to the question asked by Irem. You on the other hand decided to show us how smart you really are … Did you think about becoming a teacher? if that I-banking pipedream doesn’t come to fruition.
**Irem, I've seen it happen with
Arab friends exactly the way you mentioned. Parents
of girls and guys usually keep hush hush about the
whole proposing ordeal until the wedding is confirmed, which I think
is bizarre because so many Arab girls I've seen
end up getting upset when they find out later on
that their husband had also proposed to other females
in their family. I don't think there's anything to hide.
If a guy doesn't get accepted he doesn't get accpeted,
there's no big deal about it. It should be taken
as the person and the situation
just not having meant to be. I disagree with the whole
keeping it hush hush scenario, as in Arab culture because the
ladies upon finding out further on their marital lives end up getting tremendously aggravated.
As for the second part, that is exactly how it happens
in my culture too. When a guy and his family show up at
a girl's home it pretty much means that the decision is
totally upto the girl and her family from that point onwards.
The guy's family does not show up
at a girl's home unless they are sure beyond a resaonable
doubt that they and their son want to pursue a life long
commitment with the girl. The inquiry, reference check ups,
family background, education, employment and all that
good stuff is verified by the girl's family before the
guy's family shows up. And the guy's family shows up only after the girl's parents have said that they
are satisfied with what they have found out and would
like to take it to the next level. In my opinion it saves the
girl and her family a lot of discomfort and embarrassment
which a lot of girls face in cultures where their every action
and every word is closely scrutinized.**
… Did you think about becoming a teacher? if that I-banking pipedream doesn’t come to fruition.