I am a little upset and would request you to go a little easy on me. So here is the whole story , we decided that we didn’t want to celebrate b’days. I would like to have parties on eid inshAllah so Jr. can associate happy times with eid (gifts, get together, games and so on)
In hubby’s family b’days are a big deal the whole shebang, cake, candles, gifts and so on. I made it very clear that we were not gonna celebrate Jr.s b’day and even though they have tried to pacify me with it is really not celebrating and all that I have put my foot down.
So Jr’s Daadi had said that she would be doing the aqeeqah for him and the qurbani is gonna take place at their place but I am hosting the dinner for hubby’s family and mine. I really really wanted to do a cake myself for Jr. with fondant (a themed cake) but can’t due to time constraints. We are on a tight budget and this is in a week where I have work deadlines so I am really frustrated and angry. Please help me in deciding what to do and how to get over wanting this first ‘celebration’ to be what I want it to be.
Option 1 and the dilemmas : Order a cake from a fancy french bakery which is a little out of our budget. The cake is a beautiful piece but it is not gonna get any wow’s or appreciation from the inlaws. Should I spend so much and not get any appreciation or wow from the guests. I would be happy getting the cake but really really disappointed if hubby’s family isn’t vocal about liking it. IT would seriously dampen my mood.
Option 2 and the dilemma : Get a cake from the bakery hubby’s family get it from, easy on the budget and they are used to the taste, they like it and know it. It would save me money but I would not be happy because to me it doesn’t have a wow effect and it would just drive home the point to me that in the end all that happens in these ‘celebrations’ is what hubby’s family wants not what I want or how I envisioned things.
Option 3 and the dilemma : Not keep a cake at all and just simply serve 2-3 different desserts or make cupcakes. But then again no wow factor in this celebration of my baby … and the feeling of kuch bhee toh naheen kiya…
TO some I might be making a mountain of a molehill but I am very touchy on this subject because I had asked them to move it to the week after I was done with my job but that fell on deaf ears. And this ‘celebration’ is bringing back all the things that were ignored and messed up during our wedding so I know those factors are there too. It was their way and I had to keep quiet…
automne this is what I did for my daughter's birthday to make myself happy. I did not do any cake I just ordered it. What I did was I took a major part in the decoration and got everything myself decided a theme and did the decoration. Second thing was goody bags I gave really good stuff to all the kids who came to her birthday party. I made all the goody bags myself offcourse I got the items from the shop but I did packing and everything by myself. I know you r not doing a birthday it's a aqeeqa but you can still do goody bags for the kidos who are going to come. You can make cup cakes like u said and write a letter on each cup cake " AQEEQA MUBARAK SON NAME " I Think it would be fun and different and would require alot lesser work than cake.
For dessert make sooji ka halwa it's not very costly and easy too.
Option 2 and the dilemma : Get a cake from the bakery hubby's family get it from, easy on the budget and they are used to the taste, they like it and know it. It would save me money but I would not be happy because to me it doesn't have a wow effect and it would just drive home the point to me that in the end all that happens in these 'celebrations' is what hubby's family wants not what I want or how I envisioned things.
Get the cake that everyone would like, its really not worth spending extra $$ for no one to appreciate it....
OR look for a third place that is different from the usual but not so expensive. Also note that usually the serving sizes they use to estimate are HUGE. We had 100 people at my daughter's party and got a cake for 50 and still had leftovers. Where are you located? Our cake was from Balduccis bakery and it was DIVINE!
Those are not dilemmas they are contradictions , you do not want birthdays but then you want to wow your in laws. To me it sounds like you have something against them which is at play here. Your hate for in laws. They celebrate birthdays you don’t wanna , they want to have aqiqa and you want to cut a cake on an aqiqa ?
oh ok... I thought innovation/biddah was something that you introduce in your religion with the hope of getting rewards for it and I dun think we celebrate birthdays to enter jannah but of course I have a limited knowledge and can be wrong.. so I respect everyone's choices and opinions on birtdhays and biddah :-)
if the religion is the reason, isn't recommended to do aqeeqah on the 7th day of birth and not after???
I apologize for offtopic discussion here so probably I should just stay away from this thread. :-)
I agree with Mirch.. if you dun like birthdays then why cut a cake? i mean birthday is all about cutting a cake anyway.. nahin?
Since you haev asked for one of the options.. i say go with a few desserts and no cake!!
I hope you dont mind me asking but why dont you celebrate birthdays? and how will you explain that to your child in school? just curious :-)
Kids get used to what they see. For instance, at home we dont celebrate birthdays. Our way of celebrating is ordering take away on the weekend leading upto/after the bday. I dont remember missing anything out or wondering why my parents didnt buy me a big cake and invited all my friends nor do I think my siblings ever wondered about that. We were pretty laid back about it, because it was not a "big deal" in our family. However, I have seen families where it is a big deal and where the parents (mothers) especially sort of excite the kids unnecessary about all this shabang of bday. So basically what I am saying is that kids will react the way you will stimulate them about it .. at least from my experience.
i don’t agree with this. what’s wrong with having a cake on an aqeeqa?? its a dessert, for crying out loud! you can serve whatever you want at an aqeeqa. how does this translate to “hate for inlaws?”. if she wants to have one big celebration for her baby instead of celebrating a birthday every year, it doesn’t mean she hates her inlaws, it just means she’s got her own way of doing things, and as the baby’s mama, i say her way holds priority over everyone else’s. if anything, her inlaws need to respect her wishes for her son instead of trying to convince her birthdays are “just cake cutting celebrations” when they’ve obviously been told its more than that for her.
automne, option 4 would be get a small cake from the bakery they love but maybe show them a picture of a cake you love so they can copy the style, get the french bakery to make up lovely fancy cupcakes for you to accompany the cake, do up the décor at your dinner they way you want to and everything will be lovely.
i really think the bottom line though, is you have to stop looking to your inlaws for approval. you’re the baby’s mum so you do get to decide how things go in your house as far as your baby is concerned, they don’t seem the compromising sort and obviously there are certain things you are putting your foot down about, so you need to get over needing their happiness* in order for you to be happy*. it should be enough that you and hubby are happy and baby is mA healthy. you really don’t want this conflict to hang around as baby grows up.
If option 1 puts a dent in your pocketbook that might hurt a little bit...then dont do it. If option 2 will make you feel like you're being walked all over...then dont do it.
Maybe option 3 is best...where you can design an elaborate dessert table and be happy that way. You can decorate it with pictures of Jr in cute frames and have a sign printed saying "aqeeqah mubarak" or something along those lines.
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Option 3 and the dilemma : Not keep a cake at all and just simply serve 2-3 different desserts or make cupcakes. But then again no wow factor in this celebration of my baby ... and the feeling of kuch bhee toh naheen kiya...
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You can make a really nice display with cupcakes, that can look even more wow than a fancy cake! Make mini cupcakes and get a few large boxes in staggered sizes and wrap them up nicely to match the decor/cupcakes. Arrange them one on top each other, from largest to smallest -you will need probably at least 3, and when you stack them, there should be enough room along the edges to place the cupcakes. On the top most tier you can even have a small size cake that matched the cupcakes, if you want to cut it. I have seen this at a few parties and it always looks fantastic and can be done yourself with very little effort!
@ Mirch bhai : It isn't about hate, I just don't agree with things done their way on this big event for my child and plus my inlaws weren't the only ones that were catered to, my family was there as well. Plus when else are parents supposed to get a chance to do what they want for their child. From naming the kid to celebrating things why should it always be done according to the guy's parents?
@ GTG : I don't want to make a big deal of birthdays because I have experienced first hand parents making a big deal of kids' b'days and the kids wanting parties, gifts and the whole shebang every year. Plus I would like to throw parties for my kids' and their friends on eid so that my children associate celebration time with eid. These days in families eid is a day for sleeping and b'days are where the kid is up since morning all excited. I want my kid to be excited about eid and yes I want cake to be there, plus goody bags but I wanna tie it all to eid and eidee and so on...
On the aqeeqah note of 7 days, that is a popular misconception that ppl have. Aqeeqah is sadaqah (in terms of ibada) and you can give sadaqah anytime you are well off. Some ppl even do their own aqeeqah coz their parents couldn't afford it. It can be done at any time whenever you have the means to do it. Muslims are required to name, shave the head and circumcise (boys) before the 7th day. This is as per my knowledge. Rest Allah knows best.
@ Others : Thank you sooo much, I wanted the guests to be pleased with the desserts and food plus still have things done my way or rather something that would make me feel like I celebrated my son's aqeeqah my way and also see some happiness on my child's face :) and Alhamdulillah I found a solution which was that I baked cupcakes, iced them with green icing and put footballs on them. Jr. was happy :) the cupcakes were carrot cupcakes and there were other desi desserts as well. So all in all, it went well Alhamdulillah
@SGC : It puts my hubby at peace that things are done according to his family and when hubby is at peace I am at peace (THis does get really difficult at celebrations like our wedding, baby's aqeeqah). Plus hate seeing his family unhappy when we have them over for dinner because food isn't according their taste or preference. So I make 2-3 things that they would like plus introduce a new entree or dessert. It is a middle ground that makes my hubby happy and I am not upset at making the typical desi khanay.
