Howdie ya’ll! New to the forum! Been a reader for a while, first time posting. 
Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love? If so, what was the journey like? What were some of the difficulties? How did you face them? How has it worked out for you? Are you happy with your decision?
Would love to hear from you guys, especially those with non-desi/non-muslim partner.
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
I went against my Mum and brother’s wishes but my Mum came round and was fine in the end. I had a lot of support from my Dad so that made things relatively easy even when Mum and brother were throwing tantrums about the situation.. My other half is non-desi and was non-Muslim.. He reverted before marriage (his own decision, I never asked him)..
I think the vast majority of parents do accept it in the end.. there’s a tiny minority who never will imo but most will melt at the sight of their grandkids if nothing else gets to them..
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
I did. We haven’t gotten married yet (iA in 3 months eep!) but even getting to an engagement was a problem.
I’m punjabi syed (ugh) from pakistan and my fiance is hydro (NOT syed…in fact doesn’t believe in it) and from India. They’re pretty americanized in terms of knowing their culture (he’s never gone back and his entire family is here) vs my family that goes back every year (my mom’s side is all still in pakistan). Talk about difference…My dad threatened to leave the house if I told them to come over for a rishta (packed his bags and everything) but my mom stood her ground and said that I had a right to marry who I wanted islamically as long as I wasn’t doing something haram and he eventually caved. Then when he met the family, there was MORE drama. My in-laws are very conservative and dress super modestly/no makeup. My family, like most of the Pakistani families we know are more modren in that regard and dressing up is a big thing. So my parents were kind of put off by that.
They were fine (dad still throwing tantrums though) up until we went and visited their house. When they had come over, my mom had cooked 5-6 dishes + 2 desserts…basically a LOT. And it was all amazing since my parents are well known for being good cooks. We go over to their house and there’s like 3 dishes that are HORRIBLE (my MIL admits she doesn’t know how to cook), she forgot to put out the appetizers because she was nervous (she says) and there was no dessert. Seems minor but my parents were unhappy. Dad refused to talk to me that night and my mom seemed disappointed/worried about how we were so different but kept quiet. My dad barely talked to the next day at my engagement. Basically ignored me and had a sour face in every picture to the point that my friends noticed and asked me about it. It was terrible and I left back for school after crying. I guess my sister had a few choice words to say to my dad after that and he’s been fine ever since.
There’s definitely been hiccups along the way (look at my posts in wedding forum lol) but my fiance and I are just keeping our eyes on the goal. My parents freak out because it’s a love marriage and he’s NOT what they had thought I was going to marry but for the most part they’ve snapped out of it and are okay. They just have their moments where they’ll say something that bothers me about it.
Sometimes those comments get to me and I wonder if I did the right thing. But then I see my fiance (this sounds cheesy as hell and I want to puke even typing it) and I realize how much he does to make me happy and make things easy for me and I’m sure that I couldn’t have found someone better. My parents see it too–my inlaws are incredibly simple and God fearing and they let my type A punjabi family make ALL the wedding decisions to try to appease them–and appreciate that. ESPECIALLY when they hear horror stories about in-laws from hell.
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
I have. My family are quite religious and we’re used to marrying in the family. I met the guy at uni and told my mum about him a year and a half later. His family aren’t as conservative as mine so they’ve known since the beginning. All hell broke loose when my family found out… I had one cousin and one aunt on my side but everyone else was against me. The 8 or so months following that were probably the most difficult/emotional I’ve ever been through. But his mum was so sweet and my mum realised that their family aren’t bad. Eventually she started growing fonder of them. I got engaged 5 weeks ago and alhamdulillah all is well. My family are warming up to them gradually, even though not everyone’s happy. I still get the occasional snide comment from an auntie, or I’ll catch my mum crying over the phone or something. But I have no regrets and I’m sure everyone will be fine with it sooner or later.
My advice is to stand your ground. My mum was so difficult to convince but she realised that my happiness comes first and that I’m gonna be spending the rest of my life with him. Be persistent and keep making dua. Regardless of what I went through, I feel like the experience taught me a lot of lessons; the main one being put your trust in Allah and let Him take control as He knows better 
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
Thank you for sharing. It’s wonderful that you had your father’s support.
Both my parents didn’t agree and my siblings followed them in pursuit. It shattered our relationship to extinction. I went through months of being an emotional wreck, but i have found my peace.
I hear a lot of people say that grandchildren will bring them around, but to be honest with you, i’m not sure what the point is of coming around after an x amount of years. By then, they’ve missed out on so much in my life and vice versa, hearts have already drifted and everyone is going on with their lives. The damage is already done and the relationships will never be the same again. So, what’s the point of it then?
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
Kinda agree, my brother married and I wasn’t very supportive. Him being him, married anyway. We still talk but it’s not the same.
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
cousin and uncle had non-desi white partners. family esp grandparents werent really pleased and didnt really talk to them for a while. But it takes time for things to simmer down a bit and now they all talk again. But the r’ships didnt last unfortunately.
however, another cousin married a white guy. they’re very happy now mA.
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
hehe..you should go to TNT.. they know drama!
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
Hey congrats to both of you! Thank you for sharing. I am happy that you took the chance on love despite the differences. From what you’ve said, seems like you’re a lucky girl with a loving man by her side. :jiia:
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
Congratulations on the engagement. You sound like a strong person and it’s great that you were able to convince your mom. I’m sure when she sees that you’re happy, you won’t catch her crying over the phone anymore.
Thanks for the advice. I stood my ground and put my faith in God. When i sought help, He showed me signs and so I knew I was on the right path. Parting from my family has been the biggest lesson i’ve learned in life.
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
Hey can you tell us what your reason was for not supporting your brother?
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
Thanks for sharing. Can you please share more about your cousin and the marriage? How did that work out with her family?
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
they met each other at uni and knew each other for the few years they were there. never in an actual relationship because the guy knew what Pakistani families are like so kinda gave her the opportunity to not take it forward anytime she wanted i guess. (he’s such a good guy mA). After they graduated they got jobs at the same hospital and i guess kinda wanted things to move forward. When my cousin told her family, her parents were okayish with it coz theyre a bit liberal/modern but because of my uncle and other cousin and their unfortunate endings, my grandparents were set against it because now they had the frame of mind that all white people are not to be trusted. Fast forward 3 years and my cousin kept refusing to get married. She stood her ground. So she told the guy to start getting to know the family and esp my grandparents and show that he is good for their granddaughter. After a while i guess my grandparents came around/had to be accepting. Perhaps more so because the guy was a non-desi muslim which is probably a HUGE factor in making my grandparents accept him.
Now they are happily married and have 2 kids mA.
I guess you should just stand your ground like people have already said and just show that your a good guy able to take care of their daughter and vice versa. Granting it’s easier said than done, but it isnt impossible.
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
Didn’t like my bhabhi at that time. Me being a desi, wanted a desi bhabhi. Not these euro born. He didn’t care, got married. Whole family loves her, much more after the marriage as they got to know her better and How she’s nice and stuff. I don’t know if that’s just me being too arrogant to admit that but i sort of disagree. Also, a being an uncle is pretty dope. It bought me a lot closer to my bhai and bhabhi.
It’s a weird situation OP. If you love someone then go for it.
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
Being arrogant… for sure 
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
Hey, that’s wonderful. Good for her for standing her ground. 
Breaking the mold is never easy. Reminds of Coldplay’s song “Scientist”
Nobody said it was easy
It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard…
The world would be a better place if our immigrating parents understand that their coming generations will integrate into the western world and find companions in the people they associate with.
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
By the way did anyone here marry outside there ethnicity?? some of these stories are very interesting
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
I have. Hubby is polish.
Any others out there?
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
Euro born aren’t all that bad you know? lol You’ll find good people with good hearts everywhere. Glad to hear your brother pushed through and proved it to your family. We shouldn’t be so stuck on “our kind” and open our horizons a bit…benefits us all. 
Re: Anyone go against the grain (or family) and take a chance on love?
How did you two meet?