Well my post is targetting two types of people…those who settled down young and those who are a bit older and still not settled…
This Bengali girl i know got married at 16…it was her first partner…and life isnt so bad for her…hes the only man shes spent significant time with like that and she knows no better…shes quite easy to please it seems…She has little experience so no expectations…she has no means of comparison or any old boyfriend she used to love…life is easy…lol he can last 30 seconds and she wont even know something was wrong…
But the older and more experienced men and women get the harder it becomes to settle down…sometimes i wish i wasnt single at my age and was settled like my best friends…who have been with their girls since school…their expectations arent high…they have just grown to love each other and dont neccesarily have that much in common…
Myself however…i meet new girls often and that makes life harder…experiencing different types of people makes you so much more fussy and expectations can get ridiculous…the more experienced you are the harder you are to please…you make comparisons…and when so many choices are open to you…you just end up not choosing…
And its the same with me getting judged…the more experienced a girl i meet…the more is expected of you…
Trust me i envy those 16 year olds who are settled…makes life so much easier…
I dont know if anyone is single and a bit older who think their experience is a detriment to future relationships rather than a benefit…
Hmm, emotional baggage, always comparing your partner to the last partner (whether in looks, behavior, sex etc).. i
Western culture dictates that first-relationships are always just starter.. past experience should be a guide as to how you do things , to improve upon them. But going by what you’re saying, more relationships at a younger age seem to have the opposite effect
I know for older girls who are highly educated and well settled ni their career, they seem to have trouble finding decent rishtas coz the guy may feel somewhat threatened by how much she has achieved (career-wise). I once overheard hte story about a woman who was VERY accomplished, (dont remember either she was a pilot or lawyer) and all the aunties were saying she was better off finding her own guy coz no rishta would want someone so educated and outspoken.
I know for older girls who are highly educated and well settled ni their career, they seem to have trouble finding decent rishtas coz the guy may feel somewhat threatened by how much she has achieved (career-wise). I once overheard hte story about a woman who was VERY accomplished, (dont remember either she was a pilot or lawyer) and all the aunties were saying she was better off finding her own guy coz no rishta would want someone so educated and outspoken.
well i wouldn,t marry a girl who is more educated then me......its not that educated girls are threatning or i find them intimidating......i just don,t like the whole idea of she being more educated then me:) .....
^^
i think gals who are more educated then me deserve some1 who is more educated and succesful in his life.....i find it absurd when i see ppl who clean **** in west marry gals from pak who are highly educated and deserve some1 who has same intelectual level as them.........i don,t think its that bad what i said:) ............
its all about gals.......they should be happy and thats what count as far as i am concerned..........no zor .....no maar peet no jaghra just be fair to each other:) ....
I dont think its that older girls expect more out of a life partner. It is that they know themselves more and know what they can or cannot tolerate/handle in a relationship.
My not so good observations about those who are older and are not married (though they maybe settled) is that makes them more suspicious about the intentions of others. And those who marry really young seem to think that now that they are married, they know everything!
My good observations about those who are older (than the stupid 20s) and not married have a good idea about what they want in life. And those married young, make their kids their home their life. (Both ideas, I have to admit are double edged swords)
I read ur post and thought you were 35 or 38, around that age. But 21??? and you are worrying that you shud have married earlier. Ammi se kehna tha Ameen ke saath hee tumhara nikah bhi parhwaa deteen … lolzzz
Sara,
I don't think it's about comparing anyone to a previous relationship. It's more related to knowing yourself.
At any stage in life, old or young, we will make decisions based on the knowledge and experience we have gained. The longer you put a decision off, the more likely it is you will make a better informed one. (Note I said "likely" cuz this may not always ring true.)
Does that make you picky? I prefer to call it discriminating. ;)
One of the reasons our elders used to suggest marriage at a young age is precisely what people have mentioned in this thread. You meet and live with the same person. You never know if you are truly happy or not. You think you are cuz you have all the "necessities": a husband, a home, nice clothes, jewellery and kids. Isn't that perfect? For some the answer is "Absolutely! What more could I want?"
For those poor women that do come to a realization that there is so much more to life, the marriage turns into a life sentence.
i'm getting more patient and optimist as i grow older, because my experience do not make me more suspicious but LESS suspicious !
i mean, adults are allways painting a very bad image of life and outsiders! it's like anyone out there is a rapist or will snatch your bag if you don't hold tight to it! lol
as i grow adult myself i realised i could do ANYTHING and never get in trouble! lol...It's NOT true!
most people are not bad people, and if we are reasonable, there is no big risk living life intensly!
same with guys, past experiences did not make me bitter and more picky, i just learned to know who i want or not easier, quicker, and i won't waste too much time on someone not worth it...
hopefully i finally met the one for me!
i guess there are two ways to grow: you take the good out of your expriences, or you allways take the sad things....first way makes you smarter, second way makes you bitter
Lol **Larki-NY **i can see how it can seem like an old mans post...but i have seen a lot of girls in my 21 years...and i didnt suggest i got married...it would have been nice to have met a girl when i was 16/17...would make life a lot easier than now where expectations are a lot higher...
i was paying you a compliment.