My close friend ‘W’ (father) having problem with his seven years old son ‘T’ which he can’t figure out how to solve. He asked me and i’m opened this thread hope to get better suggestions/advice from your experience.
‘T’ is totally out of control of mother nor in control of grand parents.
‘T’ sometime use hard language (means get angry or lose temper) when his mother trying to stop him from what he is doing. (they both fight like kidz)
‘T’ sometime don’t respect the elders i.e. uncle, aunt grandparents etc.
As for ‘W’ (father) the ‘T’ (son) afraid from him and listen/act on first hear when whatever father said.
‘W’ never slaped/beated his son ‘T’. In fact ‘W’ wants to do but love of his son ‘T’ in his heart stop him doing slap/beat him. Another reason mayb occasionaly slaps/beats will lose its effects and ‘T’ then will be full out of control.
‘T’ have very good understanding with ‘W’.
‘W’ think that his wife repeatedly saying to ‘T’ not to do this not to that annoyed ‘T’ thats why ‘T’ don’t listen to his mother.
I agree :k: ‘T’ sub ka ladla hay mean ladla for their parents, grand-parents Chacho, Taya abbu.
But the problem which ‘W’ facing as i seen, sometime the husband wife arguing and start blame each other.
Let me share a funny thing of ‘T’. Whenever i meet him i call him Papoo. ‘T’ many times said to me my name is ‘T’ not papoo. Today again i called him with same name papoo and he approached to me and said: Uncle! wait me here i will write down my real name on paper and give to you so u keep it always in your pocket. I asked why? ‘T’ said b’coz u everytime forget my name
Also, parents should avoid fighting in front of kids about them because kids get mixed messages on what is right and wrong. Parents should at least* appear* to be on the same page and do their buk buks inside.
Parents shouldn't fight in front of kids; there may be one reason that whenever someone daanto him may be grand parents or chacha etc. take T's side and then he know he has favor and he wouldn't listen. Just when mom or dad is telling him something no one should be allowed to take favors. And he is a big kid mom and dad can talk to him and solve his problem.I don't see anything accept laad that is making him spoiled.
yeah laad is the one reason which i already told 'W'. Another the big issue like u said no one should allowed to take favors but here to ulti ganga behti hay if parents say something the grandparnts become wall and if grandparents say sometime than mom slap/beat the kid inside.
Now this was going on from past 4 years. What should next 'W' do, what should I say/advice/suggest to him ?
Well the tough part is your friend W should tell his parents politely since T is getting out of our hands so I want no one not even my wife do any favors to T when I am daanto him. Or if my wife is telling him not to do anything please no one comes in between.(this one is tricky one because parents doesn't understand) and we are doing this so he behaves in school and its for his own betterment.
Its really hard to raise an ideal child in joint family system but its not impossible talking to elders,child himself can help.The thing is children tests your limits to the maximum and they challenge you in every single moment.But its parents who have to stick together and after some times the end is going to be better.
I think only the mother and father should be addressing the boy's problems...and every1 else should butt out...and also..if you always shout at them, and slap them..it doesn't work...they become dheet!!!
I have cousin brothers were like that...when they were younger...like below the ages of 13...they were little devils...they NEVER listen to their mom, they drove her NUTS...they had NO MANNERS..they were awful. The only person they listen to was their dad and my mom! Mostly my mom...coz she never shouts..when she wants them to behave..her TONE of voice changes to a no non-sense tone..but never shouting...and they all quieten down.
I once read a very wise thing: "Trying to control a child by yelling is as effective as trying to drive a car by honking its horn."
Sounds like the wife and grandparents need to get a better handle on this. Theres no need to yell. Child misbehaves, child gets a consequence (ie.,no playing with friends after school tomorrow). Follow through and above all, be consistent!! Never let infractions slide "just this once".
oky back to the topic. the ‘T’ is only alone kid in home parents don’t allow them to outside the home and play with others. Parents do take them once in a week to amusment park etc.
Is there any impact of being a lonley child is this could be a reason why ‘T’ is behaving in this way
another thing to add to the good advice already offered in this thread:
when a child asks you not to call him by a nick name.......please don't.
when you repeatedly do something that he/she is asking you not to do you are only teaching them that they need not comply with your requests either.......
You're right Muzna! They are also asking for a reason so their feelings should be respected. It helps them to realize that they do matter.
I call my middle son "Binky". Its a nickname we gave him as an infant. Its fine when I call him that at home but I'm not allowed to even whisper that name on school grounds lol
b’coz u everytime forget my name
shukar hai grand parents and wife X Y Z nahi banaey