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Re: Anxious around people
My feeling is that you are not an introvert, you do express yourself here and like to connect. It could be that you are very shy or find lack of commonality or stimulation with people you are surrounded with. I made sure I got my children interacting with airline staff, hotel concierge and all sorts of people that they are comfortable with human interaction.
We need to come out of our comfort zones one step at a time, one of my development goals was to strike up conversations with strangers.
Make it a personal goal, one step at a time and interact a bit more every day.
I had an assistant like you, her parents were hard on her and also, the catholic school and she had a stammer, I encouraged her to interact a bit more every day and now she commands the room with her presence.
Are there some techniques you apply to manage your emotions. I like to go for walks, self-talk and apply NLP.
Re: Anxious around people
I am an extremely introverted person. I am almost agoraphobic. I go to great lengths to avoid any interaction with people, even with family. It really drains my energy to be around with anyone and I feel extremely anxious too. It has been a huge problem since I got married. I have not been able to open myself up to my inlaws at all. I find myself constantly hiding from them. We don't have any conflicts at home and they are very kind and friendly. I constantly worry about what they think of me and I am on edge pretty much all the damn time. I fear they find me intimidating and odd. All I crave is some place where no one can see me and this is not really possible. I have never even had friends. I find it very difficult to hold small conversations. I cannot make eye contact when I am talking and if I do, it's a really really strange and creepy feeling. The only person I have ever opened up to is my husband and I have known him since I was eighteen. I feel like I can't go on living like this for the rest of my life. I have been treated for anxiety but it has not worked. I am really f****** annoyed all the time. So how do you introverted people deal with social interactions?
On top of all of this, my husband doesn't understand any of this. He thinks I just need to be kind and have a smile on my face all the time. What the f*** does that even mean?
I'm like you too ,except around my immediate family. My parents ask me to interact with others. I smile and respond to whatever is being asked when I'm forced to sit around people, and add in a few general statements so they don't feel it to be a one sided convo,but that drains me. I always get a headache just by sitting with people.
It's okay as long as you are not being aloof to the point of rudeness. Eye contact is the worst.
When you have to interact with people..smile , respond to whatever is being asked ,add in a few general statements, If they have kids, compliment their kids( parents love that) and you are good to go .
As for your husband, it is not something he will understand unless he has gone through it, but he can accept it. Go for couple's counselling once and bring it up. He might be more accepting if the psychologist tells him that it a real thing you go through.
Re: Anxious around people
Introversion is not a problem which needs to be fixed. You simply have to find a balance when you are around those who aren't introverts. Don't think about it much. The more you'll think, the worse it'll seem.
Re: Anxious around people
I am an introvert. Based on what you wrote above, in my opinion, you are not an introvert. Introverts PREFER not to have small talk and their energy is drained from interacting with people, so they need "me time" to recover from it. Introverts are not shy and do not have anxiety in social situations. An introvert is fully capable of socially interacting with people in various situations. They just don't enjoy it. And introverts are NOT by any means anywhere near agoraphobic. There is a huge difference between someone who prefers not to interact with others but can do so flawlessly if the need arises......versus someone who is incapable of carrying out a social conversation due to anxiety/fear/shyness.
Additionally, an introvert's traits do not go away just because they are comfortable with one person/has known them for years. Introverts are not capable of turning off their dislike of social interaction around family. I don't generally enjoy small talk. I love to talk about topics that are interesting to me but I don't enjoy random chatter about the weather/traffic etc. I need "me time" daily where I need to just not talk to ANYONE and gather my own thoughts. My energy is drained when I have a conversation with ANYONE. This includes my husband, parents, siblings, best friend etc. If you are able to interact with your husband without having your energy drained, then you are not an introvert. You don't mention this but are you able to interact/open up to your parents/siblings?
The fact that you've never had friends is also NOT an introvert trait. Introverts are not social butterflies and don't have tons of people they get close to. However, introverts tend to have a few handful of people who they consider close friends. Introverts have no problem developing a close friendship with someone they connect with. They don't enjoy superficial friendships. Introverts are fully capable of opening up to and getting close to people and holding social conversations. They just don't enjoy doing it often and need frequent breaks to "recovert" from the social interaction.
What you described above sounds like a bad case of social anxiety. You mentioned you've been treated for anxiety and it has not worked. But you don't mention how long did you receive the treatment for and what specific treatments you have tried.
If you ever plan to have kids, PLEASE continue to try to improve this situation. My mother has social anxiety. And I can tell you from a child's perspective that growing up with a mother who refuses to make any efforts to deal with this (and even now, having a mother with this condition as a married woman) SUCKS!
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me too, there is a family lunch with lots of aunties and I am here not going. I will go in the evening when everyone is gone so I could eat. Das it!
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So are you saying you don't actually make an effort to get out of your comfort zone with others? If you were able to force yourself to get out of your comfort zone and develop a relationship with your husband, then you already know what you need to do in order to develop a relationship with other people (including your in-laws). And your relationship with your husband is proof that you are fully capable of doing it.
You still haven't said how you are around your parents/siblings? And again, what treatments for anxiety have you tried so far that have failed? And I assume that you're under the care of a psychiatrist and/or psychologist. Has your medical provider agreed that all these issues are a result of extreme introversion and NOT a severe case of social anxiety?
P.S. I never said your problem isn't real.
Re: Anxious around people
me too, there is a family lunch with lots of aunties and I am here not going. I will go in the evening when everyone is gone so I could eat. Das it!
LoL.
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..and this is why extroverts are a nightmare for me. They want to tell me I just need to try. I don't want to. Thanks. Tell me how to protect myself from your inquiries,questions, and 2 minute counseling sessions. Tell me how to escape.
NVM...
Re: Anxious around people
Primary care doctors do not have the necessary training/time to provide complete care/treatment when it comes to mental health issues. There is a reason psychiatrists/psychologists go through the specialized training. If you truly want to improve your anxiety, then you need to start by finding a psychiatrist and a psychologist who specializes in anxiety.
The psychiatrist can have you try various medications in various doses to find something that works while the psychologist can work with you in getting to the root of your anxiety and help you develop skills to cope with social situations better. It won't happen overnight and will require patience/hard work on your part. But with time and effort, you will be able to improve. The psychologist can also help you find support groups in your area for people with anxiety (especially social anxiety) which will also allow you to meet others who are dealing with the same situation so you don't feel so alone (in dealing with this).
Theorist, it seems like you want to make a change. I would advise you to seek behavioral therapy. You should bring specific social interactions to figure out the root cause of your social anxiety. The first step is going to be hard because it does involve talking to someone :p
I realized overtime that I am easily affected by negativity. I dread being around people who use negative energy to drive themselves, be it gossip, revenge... Also, I stay away from narcissistic personalities.
None of us are perfect. We all need help sometimes :)
Re: Anxious around people
DO yourself a favor and dont label yourself anything. More you label, more you put yourself in that box and tend to justify your social interactions (or lack of them) because of your personality type.
I would suggest, you take public speaking classes. its a great skill to have and a great way to get over your social anxiety. We need to you be on a Ted Talk circuit anyways. :)
Re: Anxious around people
My feeling is that you are not an introvert, you do express yourself here and like to connect. It could be that you are very shy or find lack of commonality or stimulation with people you are surrounded with. I made sure I got my children interacting with airline staff, hotel concierge and all sorts of people that they are comfortable with human interaction.
We need to come out of our comfort zones one step at a time, one of my development goals was to strike up conversations with strangers.
Make it a personal goal, one step at a time and interact a bit more every day.
I had an assistant like you, her parents were hard on her and also, the catholic school and she had a stammer, I encouraged her to interact a bit more every day and now she commands the room with her presence.
Are there some techniques you apply to manage your emotions. I like to go for walks, self-talk and apply NLP.
It's taken me years to realise that I might be slightly autistic. A diagnosis won't always be useful but looking into the traits of the condition might help you in determining if you are too. In terms of dealing with you anxiety, needing space, dealing with in-laws, etc. Try CBT- cognitive behaviour therapy. Ask your dr about it if you're in the UK.
Apart from that, be open and honest with your husband- try explaining that this is not you choosing to be like this but something you FEEL. Most of all, cut yourself some slack- we're not all designed to be the hostess with the mostess or social butterflies.
Re: Anxious around people
Mental illness is not a stigma anymore and people suffering from mental disease should be encouraged to seek professional help.Sometimes when negative behavior is rewarded it gets reinforced. Anyone who wants to avoid people and be alone has the choice to do that. People can walk away from marriages and family and live on welfare locked in a room and enjoy their own company forever.
Re: Anxious around people
I Have thought about seeing psychologist for this but I am somewhat ashamed of it? Makes sense? I am afraid of sounding like a whiny brat. :/
No. Does not make sense. And you know it. Just get help since you know you need it.