mind talking to my husband and knocking some sense into him...?
simple
1) told begum that her and my issues stay between her and me. her family does not get involved, mine does not get involved unless we sit down talk about it and decide that is what is needed, concern being I had seen too many cases where every tim dick and harry was involved in some couple's affairs and complicated things
2) told family that my married life is my business and unless there is some major concern that how we live our life should not be a matter of debate plus if there are any concerns with what my wife does, says, wears, eats, watches, cooks, to let me know privately and I will manage.
item 1 is still observed pretty firmly, we dont want to get people involved in any issues, we address things and resolve them as a couple.
item 2 is mostly a moot point now because everyone is used to everyone else and understand personalities, boundaries and that reduces chances of miscommunications, misunderstandings, bruised feelings etc etc
but there, to me, that helped a lot.
I think it depends on the wife, and mine is very mature when it comes to this stuff. saw same stuff as me, and agreed, that its not just ppl with axes to grind who cause issues but well wishing people whose interfeence complicates things, plus one person knows u had a fight on something, they tell 2 others they tell 4 others and before you know it the entire tribe/clan/ is involved or talking about it.
we avoided it and that helped us a lot.
sheyn- when ppl realize that their life first and foremost is now with the spouse they will get it and do it right
s far as item 2, i forgot to note that it applied to begum also, i..e she has issues with my mum, dad, sis anyone...to let me know and I will manage it. but engaging them directly especially early on may impact my ability to manage stuff. these initial days, weeks, months are very critical and set the tone... first impressions are not last impressions and are lasting impressions. I was willing to trade closeness for development of better understanding, and it worked.
The end result is that when either my mum or dad think I am not being nice to her, I get called in their room and given a dressing down. yes they are that close now.