Aaahhh in laws in laws in laws drive us girls in sane for some reason. Ok so my sister in law has been married for 4 years now. Her and her husband have an adorable son together. They help her raise her son etc she goes to school full time and watches him when she is back from school, at nights etc. her issue is that they dont watch him properly. They dont feed him properly they dont even wash his face(which to me sounds silly but these are her complaints). Their decent people, but uneducated and a bit on the low socioeconomic side. Her parents were against this marriage but gave in eventually and now she feels like she is suffering. Her husband is also a full time student and due to pressure they both had to get married quickly. They all live together with her in laws her sister in law her brother in law and husband and their son in a small apartment-mind you one bathroom( i dont know how she does it) She has another 2 years before she graduates and can save up enough to move out. Her in laws are very slick and smart people. She is very uncomfortable living there. They are sick a lot, diabetes hypertension, constantly going back and forth to hospitals and they live in very unsanitary conditions in their apartment which I prefer not to mention here. Her father in law recently lost his job( he doesn’t have a degree) and its been almost 2 months now that he is jobless. Her parents gave them money to pay rent etc for one month.
She cried to her mom and I heard about this from my husband who also feels bad but she made the decision to marry this guys so he feels like she should deal with it. Any tips on how she can get past these 2 years as a sane girl without ruining herself? I am going to be seeing her soon and would like to ffer some words of wisdom which unfortunately I have very little of.
The in-laws are decent people and slick people at the same time? Lol, when do her in-laws get the time to be slick when they have so many health problems and with the loss of a job...financial problems to contend with? If they're sick a lot (constantly going to the hospital), then that can get in the way of taking care of her son and other responsibilities at home such as cleaning, etc.
Is daycare an option? As far as not feeding the son properly......is it possible that maybe he just wasn't hungry? Feeding him when he doesn't feel hungry or even overfeeding can't help matters. Could she and her husband maybe help clean the house up a bit....help out his parents...so that it's easier for them to manage things? You didn't mention how old the child is....but if he's an infant....then maybe keeping things like baby food/wet wipes n all organized so it's easier. Perhaps the kid's face is cleaned during the day...but he messes it up shortly before she comes home (again, you haven't mentioned the age). Her husband could try talking to his parens or ask other members of his family (siblings who are more able) if they can help.
^True. Where are her own parents? If the guy's parents are unwell.....then the girl's parents can also help watch the child or maybe they live far away(?). Unless the girl's parents have some sort of resentment where they feel that their daugther has made her own bed and should now sleep in it without any help from them since her husband was not someone they approved of. And then there's also the issue of the guy and his family possibly taking offense if her parents decide to watch over their child.
The girl has told the OP that her parents gave the in-laws money for rent. Did that need to be mentioned? I'm not sure. She could have just said that they're struggling financially. If the girl has an attitude of disdain or scorn because her parents lent money to her in-laws.....that's going to cause problems in the marriage.
My son does not eat much and he eats very little at his daycare too but that is just him so may be her son actually does not eat much. How does her son eat on weekends when she is around ?
Can the husband do a part time job if he is already not doing and may be they can move into a duplex instead of an apartment with the family sharing the rent or if that seems unaffordable then may be they can try to find a daycare and pay for it from his part time job.
When I was looking for a daycare for my son, I found many home based daycares and a couple of the women were really nice and had good references. They charge much less than the daycares. The only reason I did not use them was one of them was too far from both work and home and the other had dog and cat as pets and my husband said no.
May be she can study as a part time student instead of full time. It will take more years to finish but she can then take care of her son better and her husband will finish on time, get a job and things may get better financially.
It seems as if the inlaws are burdened with a lot right now. Poor health makes it very very very hard to take care of a child. My mother takes care of my one year old niece and its not easy. Its easy for us because we're young but not for people who have arthritis, diabetes, hypertension, etc. Multiple diaper changes, feedings all day long, putting them down for naps, play time, activities, etc. At one, she is now walking and will not sit still. So running after them in case they get into trouble, pinning them down for feedings and if they dont want to eat you have to force feed them, etc. She is an amazing grandmother and very active but at the end of the day, she is so tired. Kids take up a lot of energy and time...our parents are no longer spring chickens and things escape their notice all the time.
i would think the grandparents are doing her a favour by looking after her son considering they are sick, the child is her responsibility if she dosent think they are doing a good enough job then why don't she look after him?
Explain something please. Both the husband and wife are students - so who's paying for their expenses? Are they contributing to the household expenses?
Don't mean to be rude or insensitive but she has put herself in this situation. She is the one that decided to get married and then she is the one that decided to have a child without means to support that child. In my opinion her inlaws are doing her a favour by taking care of her child even though they themselves as unwell and seem to be in financial trouble.
She should suck it up and be thankful for what they are doing.
First off, the in laws don't have any obligation to "watch" her kid. Looks like they have enough problems of their own, they aren't running a free day care center. YOUR kid, YOUR responsibility. Looks like the same amount of thought that went into the marriage went into the decision of having a child.
This'll sound harsh, but she knew the socio-economic standing of her husbands family and presumably that she would live there with all of them after she got married, yet she still chose to go ahead with it despite the apprehensiveness of her own family and her student status. Then, to add to that, she chose to have a child, knowing full well the problems that an already packed house would have. The fact that her old and obviously ill parents-in-law are offering to bring up her and her husbands child is in itself a huge kindness, she should be grateful!
Anyways, what's done is done. If she really feels unhappy about the situation, she could leave her child with her own parents if it's possible and they are willing to help out.