Who do you think has the right to decide whether/when to have a/another baby?
What if my husband wants another baby and I dont cos I dont think I can cope, and I know that we cant afford it financially cos were struggling as it is. I never wanted kids in the first place but now ive got 2 and i wouldnt change that for anything but i dont want any more.
you guys were big help in my other thread and I hope you will give me some good advice this time as well.
It should be a mutual decision... but I would give more credence to the views of the mother... because she is the one who has to carry the baby for nine months and then give birth and take care of the child most of the time for the intial years.
In my view, this is a joint decision, with veto power to both husband and the wife. If both agree they should have another baby, and the only argument is when, then the I will still give more weightage to the mother (for the above reasons). Probably 80-20. Sit down together and discuss this in a reasoned manner. These are significant decisions, and not just a matter of ego for either of you.
ps. Ideally speaking, the number of kids should be discussed before marriage, if possible. So both husband and the wife are on the same page and enter into the relationship with their eyes open. If for whatever reason, that doesn't happen, then... oh well.
Well this is something you and your husband need to discuss.I mean he will have to listen to your side of it also ,since he is your husband.Umm it wont be wise to go ahead with it- if you know that you guys have a finanicial situtation on your hands.Talk to him.
He provides for everyone.
That said, family planning is important along with what Faisal and MQ have mentioned already. Just don't take the above mentioned statement to start popping out kids left right and center. Family planning is vital.
your question reminds me of this dudette who got pregnant cuz the guy switched her pills since he really wanted a baby and she didn't at the time.
As mentioned above in all suggestions, this is suppose to be urs and ur husband's decision. tell him how u feel about it and discuss it with him.
Whenever a decision involves more than one person, they should talk and try to understand each other's views. You have some very clear reasons for not wanting more kids, and your husband should listen to them. But he has reasons for wanting more, and you should try and listen to those too. Until you have heard and understood his reasons it would be hard for you to make a good decision. You may agree with him or you may not, but you should listen to him at least once, letting him speak without interruption. Give him a chance to tell you what's n his heart. Then you should ask him to listen to you. Explain that you have listened to him and that it's your turn now and then tell him the reasons why you don't want more children.
He may express need, fears, ways of looking at things that you hadn't considered before. And by speaking of them maybe you will decide that you want more kids now or later or that you can find other solutions to meet your needs. Good luck!
Well if ure hubby wants 2 have another baby then tell him 2 wait and tell him that it should be well thought about, talk about the consequences etc. Tell him that u've got two on which you want 2 concentrate first coz a baby needs more attention which the other kids wont like coz (i suppose) that they are still very young.
Tell him na that you're not ready 4 another baby coz it costs lots of energy also. Wese you can also tell him that Bass no more kids.... i would have done this!
have u asked him why he wants another kid?
If you're still feeling uncomfortable about the marriage itself or with him, you might want to wait. I agree with PCG -- ask him why he wants another one...
Re: another baby?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ebrima_jallow: *
Who do you think has the right to decide whether/when to have a/another baby?
What if my husband wants another baby and I dont cos I dont think I can cope, and I know that we cant afford it financially cos were struggling as it is. I never wanted kids in the first place but now ive got 2 and i wouldnt change that for anything but i dont want any more.
you guys were big help in my other thread and I hope you will give me some good advice this time as well.
[/QUOTE]
It shud be mutual. Besides if u have financial constraints than its a more worrying to decide by anyone of you. It shud be more mutual than usual and do lots of discussions.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by CocoNut: *
He provides for everyone.
That said, family planning is important along with what Faisal and MQ have mentioned already. Just don't take the above mentioned statement to start popping out kids left right and center. Family planning is vital.
[/QUOTE]
Actually he is always saying exactly that. "Allah provides for everyone".
Even with all our money worries he just keeps saying that.
Sahar & PCg I know 2 reasons why he wants another baby. 1-He wants a boy & 2- He never got to hold our kids or play with them as babies. This was cos he didnt get his visa for years after our marriage and when I came back from Pakistan I was pregnant (cos he wanted a baby) and when I went back to see him the child was nearly 3. So I got pregnant again came back and gave birth. By the time he got his visa the child was 2 and half. He just wants a little baby to hold.
first I got pregnant purely for him, I didnt want a baby at all. Do you think I have a valid point that I should have a say in it this time?