Re: Annoying phone habits and husband
rouz - what about keeping in touch through emails? When hubby and I were in a long distance prior to getting married for 1.5 years...and we both worked and there was the time difference so during the week we kept in touch through emails. I know email isn't the same as calling, but if you feel you're drifting apart and there's so much you want to share with him - then why not do it on emails? You can email from work as well.
Re: Annoying phone habits and husband
It's alright, I've decided not to talk to him too much until he gets here now, which should be within the next couple of months inshaAllah. Ignoring it works once or twice but it's very difficult to ignore the constant drama going on in the background. I can't even stand it when he goes out to talk because the noise on the roads from cars honking is worst than the noise in his house. Oh and I tried leaving the tv on once last year and it bothered me more than it bothered him because I could barely hear him and he as usual started a conversation with someone else in the middle. I wonder how my friend's fiancé deals with this because she has the same annoying habit.
What's the poor guy supposed to do? I live in London our house is tiny and occasionally i have my cuzns around and it's IMPOSSIBLE to get away from the noise, either i stand outside in the cold or stay inside with all the noise. My partner gets really annoyed with it too but he should understand that no matter how many doors i close you'll still hear them. whereas in his house it's pin-drop silence. Long distant relationships are so hard because it's so difficult to understand each other's circumstances. I know it bothers him but seriously where am i supposed to go? Similarly he might not be phased by all the noise but your not used to it so you will be. try your best to put up with it and try and be tolerent. Allah rewards women for their patience with their spouses and like you said it's not long now and he'll be with you :)
Re: Annoying phone habits and husband
rutab i know it has a lot to do with culture. his privacy is almost non existent and it seems as if in pakistan people don't really give each other much space.
flawedsoul, email does not work with him. i don't know what it is about him but he never replies back to emails until i get really upset and we have a fight. in that sense he's like my best friend too. she never replies back to her emails/fb msgs either.
rafo2k13, i understand that sometimes it's impossible to avoid it but if you are married and living away from your spouse and only talking to them for 10-15 mins then shouldn't you tell your family to be a little considerate? i remember a few times when my cell phone battery/cordless phone battery would die and he would call on my home phone, my parents would mute/turn off the tv and sometimes even go to the kitchen or the other part of the house to give me a few mins of privacy. with his family it seems like they could care less if we ever talked or not.
Re: Annoying phone habits and husband
yeah there are definitely cultural differences in the treatment of a couple's privacy. but trust me it gets much easier to understand each other once you are living together.
Re: Annoying phone habits and husband
It seemed like you guys were culturally apart and you confirmed it on this page. Have you thought, perhaps even unconsciously, that he doesn't take your work as seriously as he does his own back home? Perhaps he doesn't have the western mentality of women = men that is pushed here.
Re: Annoying phone habits and husband
Doppleganger that is a completely different issue but you are right he doesn't consider my work "serious". I have a full time job and with the new terminal opening n Toronto I am working 10-11 hours in the office each day plus I am constantly being bugged on my blackberry at home. I also have house chores to do so I am basically working all the time. I've just been promoted to the position of operations manager for our new terminal and I am the first female operations manager in this company (trucking doesn't have too many female managers apparently). I manage over 1500 people but he doesn't think it's "all that". He really doesn't think what I do is a hard job. When he's at work the expectation is that I wouldn't bug him ever because he's busy "working". When I am at work he keeps bugging me saying things like "10 mins ki break lay lo na kiya farak parta hai". He even told me once that some women working in his office are always just sitting around gossiping and eating. I believe he thinks the same about me, that I sit around gossiping and eating all day. I expect all that will change when he comes here.
Re: Annoying phone habits and husband
my mums phone calls consist of three words only (all the way through the convo). Hanjee, haan, jee - which all mean the same thing
Re: Annoying phone habits and husband
I've just been promoted to the position of operations manager for our new terminal and I am the first female operations manager in this company (trucking doesn't have too many female managers apparently).
Congratulations! Promotions make you feel all nice & appreciated. And it's quite an accomplishment to the first female operations manager.
I manage over 1500 people but he doesn't think it's "all that". He really doesn't think what I do is a hard job. When he's at work the expectation is that I wouldn't bug him ever because he's busy "working". When I am at work he keeps bugging me saying things like "10 mins ki break lay lo na kiya farak parta hai". He even told me once that some women working in his office are always just sitting around gossiping and eating. I believe he thinks the same about me, that I sit around gossiping and eating all day. I expect all that will change when he comes here.
Yeah, so he's operating from his experience & biased perspective that all women just sit around gossip and eat all day long at the office.
Every couple experience differences, whether it is cultural, personality differences, family culture, values, habits, gender differences, or other things. It seems to me that you guys not only have cultural differences but personality differences as well. Some of those are male female differences. Him not knowing what is important to you and maybe vice versa could contribute greater misunderstandings and passive/aggressive behaviour (such as hanging up on someone while talking).
This marriage stuff is not easy. It doesn't just come naturally to anyone. A successful and happy marriage requires a lot of work, understanding, and communication from both sides.
Keep in mind that he's coming from a very different perspective so don't get annoyed so easily. Try to see things from his perspective, for nothing else but to just keep your annoyance level & blood pressure down. Don't make mountains out of mole hills.
Some of the things you're talking about would have and may still annoy me as well and I understand where you are coming from. And there are plenty of things that have annoyed me about my husband & his family but at the end of the day all of that is little stuff. It's been a long hard journey for me to get to where I am, to realize to let go of the little stuff and to truly stick to your guns about just a few things.
Don't let yourself get so worked up that you go off on him on the phone or in person. People need to be calm and respectful when they are talking to each other if they want to resolve any issues.
You're going to get through lots of challenges when your husband finally gets here. Those first two years was nothing. I suggest that you find a good therapist to help guide you. I know...I know...most desis don't like the idea of going to a therapist. Life requires certain skills. If you want the dummies version of those skills then go to a therapist and get them to guide you, otherwise read a few book and equip yourself with the skills to deal with the challenges that life throws at you.