No-one makes an effort to talk to me. Be it extended family, family friends or friends, they just do not seem to make as much if an effort to get to know me OR to talk to me (if they already know me from before) as much as i do. I thought this was just all in my head and have tried to get over it but i cant. i always initiate conversation and babble on with BS just to keep a conversation going.
Like for instance,
a family friend is getting married. we know each other from childhood and grew up together. However, when i go to her house to see her before she gets married i find myself struggling to keep a conversation going. i just babble on about nothing for the sake of keeping the convo going. she replies with little to say and a lack of enthusiasm. I saw her speak to another friend later on that evening much more animatedly and happily making an effort. i can’t even tell you what i felt. there is absolutely no tension of any sort between us, we hardly even see each especially since the past 10 years because of different schdules and lack of time. itke what was i making an effort for? shall i just stop making an effort altogether with people who dont make an effort with me.
This doesn’ just happen with her. Its happens with people from family to friends. i don’t even know what to do anymore.
OMG! Are you one of those who won't stop talking knowing the other person is not interested in prolonging the conversation? Some people are very selective in who they socialize with. I am kind of like that. I am sure I have annoyed a lot of people with trying to cut a conversation short.
If had a nickle for every time someone got annoyed by me, I would have a dollar but if I had a nickle for every time someone annoyed ME, I would be a millionaire. Some people just aren't friendly.
lol is this the case with everyone i ever talk to then? like 75% of people i encounter seem to be like that. i only prolong the conversation because im a friendly person i guess and dont wanna give off the impression im a stuck-up socially awkward person. (ive been accused of that and been guilty of it before
I always initiate conversation and** babble on with BS** just to keep a conversation going.
Could that be the problem? People see you and think... uh-oh there's that girl who always babbles on with BS. I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm just saying there's nothing worse than being stuck with someone who's rambling on about something you have no interest in.
Do you ever just sit there and listen to what other people are talking about? What is it they talk about? Do they talk about the same things you talk about? Are there any differences? Why do they get so animated in their conversations? Try to find some common ground, something you all share an interest in.
Having said that, if friends are like that with you, I'd have question if they really think of you as a friend. Like Paheli00 says, maybe you need to find new friends. Friends with whom you won't have to babble BS with. Friends who will love and appreciate you for the person you are. Friends who will trust you enough to share their inner most thoughts. Friends who value what you have to say.
It isn't necessary to be always talking and flexing one's tongue muscles. Sometimes giving it some rest is also good. Talk less but when you do let it be quality talk.
hint: babble on with BS. not being a part of an animatedly-conversing clique is not such an issue as is losing one's worth through blabber-talk
If u make every conversation ur own and about urself then it might be boring for other ppl and it will perpetuate ur stuck upiness image. For example I had a friend who no matter what conversation we were having would start talking about that thing or something related to it but all about her, and how dandy she or her life or anything related to her was. So if we were initially trying to find a solution to something or venting or whatever, it was all gOne since now we had to listen to 20 minutes Of her bs and feel worse about ourselves for not having the perfect parents or siblings or skin or whatever under the sun. Anyway we were close enough friends to start blocking each others sentences and saying "ok don't tell me a long story, just ...." as in just tell me the gist of it or this aspect or that aspect whatever. She also had a habit of putting other ppls accomplishments down and upping her own, e.g. If someone got a good on campus job she'd list down all the cons of that job, but if she got the same job then suddenly it became the best job on earth and perfect in all ways. Anyway, over the years she got dropped from the friends circle, not for talkin too much but all the other bs she pulled.
So my point is don't try to hard, don't make the conversation all about urself, ask more questions about them or their situation and let them get a few words in edge wise. P.s my friend talked so non stop that there was no comma in between where we could actually steer the conversation back to where it was, it was non stop banter. I have a feeling that's what ur doing.
You know I can kind of relate to this but I'm the opposite. I always feel like I never have something to talk about and I'm one of those people that gets uncomfy talking about herself. I'm a great listener but when it comes to talking about myself or my turn for input I feel stumped or conscious. I'm not sure if it's social anxiety or what but I always feel it before going somewhere where I won't really know anyone. It's gotten worse after moving to a new city. I feel like people have their friends at my age now and aren't always open to new people coming into their groups so I always feel super conscious about that. Like this Saturday, have a launch event to attend and no one to go with. Missing out would be a shame and going alone just feels so lame! lol :(
At the moment, I feel like it can be a relief to not be left alone by friends and family whom you know have a tendency to say and do annoying things. The less they know about you and the less you share, the better it is. Sometimes distance and even a bit of detachment can be a good thing. However, if you had an overall good rapport with someone who is now being distant, I can understand that it's upsetting. The only thing that comes to mind is to do your formalities such as saying salam and asking about family and offering congratulations or sympathies. When you see the other person is quiet, you can (in a friendly way) say that, "I seem to be most of the talking. Are you busy or not in the mood to talk?" And maybe they'll let you know if they're busy. If it's a close friend, you could attempt to discuss the issue. Or if you're chasing after people, maybe you need to try backing off. If there are other people around, you can politely excuse yourself to hang out with them. For example, you could tell your cousin, "I think I'll go help out your mom in the kitchen, etc." Extended family can sometimes complain that someone appears "too quiet" ...or "too serious and not friendly enough"....so try to smile and circulate...offer help, etc.
Have these friends and family members always been quiet and distant from the get-go? If yes, then that is how they've always been with you. So, in this case, consider giving them space. We don't always click with people in the same way. For example, I have friends and cousins I've known all my life and I click better with some than with others.
It's natural for friends to become distant due to various activities, but when you do reconnect it shouldn't be a cold or 1-sided interaction. If you and your friend had been talking fairly regularly and suddenly there's a huge gap without any prior notice....or you see a sudden change in their behavior....where they went from amiable to frigid...then it's understandable to be concerned as there's a change in pattern. Depending on the closeness of the relationship, you can try to sort it out with your friend....but if the distant behavior persists while there appears to be no fault of your own and no external factors.....then time to get new friends as others above have suggested. Won't hurt to reflect over any mistakes you might be making; sometimes we unintentionally say and do things that annoy others without being aware of it.
Ufff why would you wanna keep on talking when the other person is clearly uninterested. Self respect.
Agreed. Once you realise someone is not interested in what you're saying, stop talking. If they find it awkward, they'll talk... you've done your bit but they weren't interested in hearing.
You're trying to hard. Relax. If you try a little and the other person doesn't reciprocate, then move on. Otherwise you just sound, for the lack of a better word, desperate. Just be aloof, not a doof. In my experience, the more aloof YOU are, the more other people want to be your bestest buddy.
Here is the thing OP. You shouldn’t give a flying crap about anyone. If someone doesn’t want to talk to you then get up and sit with someone else. People are generally very strange. Stranger than you might think. Yes people are weird. They have weird ways of communicating and making friends. I felt the same way about a bunch of negro colleagues of mine. They wouldn’t talk to me, so I’m like “Why the hell am I trying to talk to these negros”. (Not to be racists but African American might be a politically correct term here). Mods Don’t ban this please. OP so yeah back to the topic SCREW the people man! This aint communism!
