engagement day had been picked n finalized for a saturday evening. coincidentally, this saturday evening there was also gonna be some community get-together to celebrate the birth of an imam. of course this made everyone extra happy cuz its a mubarak and blessed day etc etc. now some random aunty from the community mentions that the birthday of the imam ACTUALLY is on the thursday of that week and the weekend celebration was just being held out of convenience. this means that if guy n girl’s mom ACTUALLY want this to be on an auspicious day they should just do the engagement on thursday.
everyone knows that if the engagement is held on a weekday, the guy’s own sister n sister’s husband will not be able to attend due to jobs n kids. the guy’s mom however, doesn’t have a problem with going ahead and doing the engagement on a thursday regardless of the sister’s absence!!! sister did complain to mom that she ofcourse wants to be there and out of respect for the damaad n his busy schedule they should just do it on the weekend instead of makin sister’s husband leave job and also make the two kids leave school to attend a weekday engagement. but mom doesn’t care…she says you don’t “have to” attend if you can’t, “we won’t mind.”
as if the sister’s own sentiments for her brother’s engagement just don’t exist. wtf kind of a mother is this? or is the sister being overly touchy n should just shutup n be happy that atleast she’ll get to attend the wedding in a couple of years?
yes mom is acting weird and sister and inlaws are being modest....request your mom and try to make her agree to do it on weekend...include your dad into this matter if possible!!!
Yeah, mom is being a little strange but then around weddings everyone becomes unreasonable and weird due to stress.
I would probably make my husband take a day off. But then, isn't the party in the evening.... you could take the kids and go early (after their school) and husband can come later whenever he can. You're in the same city, right?
this is for a cousin...and cousin lives in a different city altogether. her, husband, and the two kids will be flying to karachi to attend this engagement/baat pakki for the weekend n flying back on sunday since husband can't get days off work.
the ticket to fly to a different city is also pretty expensive...and they're wondering if its even worth going for the weekend just to greet the brother if the whole engagment ceremony will be done without them any way :/ n they weren't considered important enough to wait for.
Ohhh... tough one.
How's her relationship with her brother, if they're close she should get the brother involved and her dad involved and make her mom change the day to a weekend. Its pretty insensitive of the mom to say "you don't have to attend if you can't".
Another option is she goes to the engagement with kids.... I did that for my sister's wedding in Pakistan since my husband was not getting time off.
The whole having the engagement take place on an imam's b-day is superstitious. Birthdays (of the living and dead) come every year. An engagement is more special and not a frequent occurrence. It's Allah who controls everything....and the success of a marriage depends upon a couple's compatibility and their efforts to make the relationship work. An imam's birthday has no relevance or bearing on such issues.
^But that's something that you don't have much control over. You mentioned that the cousin is "complaining".....that could be part of the problem. Complaining lends an annoyed tone to one's voice and can either make the other person defensive or shut them down altogether. Instead of complaints....the cousin can try talking nicely/calmly to the mother. As others have suggested, she can try to explain her concerns and suggestions to her brother and other family members and perhaps their involvement will have greater influence.
Kids missing school due to a family wedding is not unusual. It happens. The kids can be picked up early from work. You can ask for their assignments beforehand or they'll have extended time to make up their work. Teachers are usually flexible about such circumstances and it's no big deal. Have your cousin and husband tried taking to their employers about taking off of work? Or is it just an an assumption that they'll be inflexible?
The mom is not going to ground, spank, threaten, or drag her daughter to the engagement. Why? Because she knows that her daughter is an adult and is capable of making her own decisions. There's only so much lecturing and beseeching that can be done.....before most mothers would give up and say..."Tumhari marzi, do as you please." The cousin needs to understand that the engagement is NOT about her......and it's NOT about the mom. The engagement is more about her brother and his fiance. The brother did not hurt her.......he attended the cousin's wedding celebrations......so she should try to be there for him (as the older sister) on his special day. It's easier said than done but she should try to be the bigger person and attend the engagement even if the date is not changed. She shouldn't hurt her brother or give her family ammunition to use against her.....by being absent.
Also...."everyone" (such as relatives/family friends) might feel that it's unreasonable to hold an engagement on a week day....but "everyone" will gossip more if the guy's own sister doesn't show up. Don't give too much importance to everyone else's concurrence over a comparatively smaller issue. Weigh the consequences....and do what is decent.
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