My friend heard her MIL talking about her on the phone to her friend
" My DIL is really not cooperating with me!!!
She does not help me cook or clean the house or wash the dishes or iron the clothes.
She can not sew and she can not COOK! Did i mention that she can not cook!!!
She works a 9-5 job. So she runs out the house at half seven and returns again at half seven. Leaving me to clean up and feed her."
Is this common???
Do all MILs feel this way?
My friend is very upset by this.
Re: Angry note from MIL!!!!!
this is like the third "my friend" thread today.
Re: Angry note from MIL!!!!!
What exactly is your friend upset about?
Is her MIL lying? Spreading rumors? Is the MIL complaining about something she says she enjoys?
Re: Angry note from MIL!!!!!
There's a lack of information in this thread, but if this DIL thinks that working a full-time job means they don't need to contribute in the household chores, then yes I understood the MIL being annoyed.
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Just like your friend is venting it to you, the MIL is venting to her friend. When you both become MILs in future, you will be dissing your respective DILs the same way.
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that’s quiet a long conversation to “overhear” unless your “friend” works for NSA
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If the girl works from 7 to 7, then your friend should probably budget some time in on the side to help out, ex weekends or day off in the week, or do some tidying in the evening to keep the home clean - like clear the kitchen at night.
But I have to take some offense here. For one, did the MIL not know her DIL was going to work? Were the expectations of how much housework can be done not laid out in the beginning? Were these things not discussed with the husband prior to marriage?
If she is a woman who is not interested in cooking, that is her right just as much as it's the right of a more domesticated woman to not work. As long as these issues are cleared up before marriage it's fine. There should be no problem.
My daadi had 4 daughter-in-law's and not one of them cooked. I recall she made a statement once about once of them how the DIL's mother had boasted about the girl's cooking but after marriage, turned out she didn't know even how to fry an egg.
No point in lying before marriage.
When people ask me, I tell them upfront that I can cook some - these are the dishes I can make - this is how I balance my kaam and my household chores. And that this is probably how I'm gonna manage after marriage, and no, I'm not cooking fresh items every day, because I just can't manage with the time. I'm also upfront that I'm generally disorganized at home. shrugs I don't see the point at all in lying.
So if your friend was upfront about her work schedule and that she might not be able to cook daily, then why would the MIL be talking smack about her?
And furthermore, yes it is very wrong to gossip about your daughter in law. You get respect when you give it.
Re: Angry note from MIL!!!!!
Move out and stop reacting like a teenager
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no don't get upset. don't let your brain get eaten up by mundane worries
Re: Angry note from MIL!!!!!
If the girl works from 7 to 7, then your friend should probably budget some time in on the side to help out, ex weekends or day off in the week, or do some tidying in the evening to keep the home clean - like clear the kitchen at night.
But I have to take some offense here. For one, did the MIL not know her DIL was going to work? Were the expectations of how much housework can be done not laid out in the beginning? Were these things not discussed with the husband prior to marriage?
If she is a woman who is not interested in cooking, that is her right just as much as it's the right of a more domesticated woman to not work. As long as these issues are cleared up before marriage it's fine. There should be no problem.
My daadi had 4 daughter-in-law's and not one of them cooked. I recall she made a statement once about once of them how the DIL's mother had boasted about the girl's cooking but after marriage, turned out she didn't know even how to fry an egg.
No point in lying before marriage.
*When people ask me, I tell them upfront that I can cook some - these are the dishes I can make - this is how I balance my kaam and my household chores. And that this is probably how I'm gonna manage after marriage, and no, I'm not cooking fresh items every day, because I just can't manage with the time. I'm also upfront that I'm generally disorganized at home. *shrugs I don't see the point at all in lying. ** So if your friend was upfront about her work schedule and that she might not be able to cook daily, then why would the MIL be talking smack about her?
And furthermore, yes it is very wrong to gossip about your daughter in law. You get respect when you give it.
Always good not to lie in the rishta-process, but also unrealistic to think you are not going to have to make changes after marriage. You will. And so will he. So you never know, you might end up cooking more than you do now.
I agree with everything else you've said. OP's friend needs to offer to help around the house now, but MIL shouldn't be talking behind her DILs back!!
Re: Angry note from MIL!!!!!
MIL was just doing what people do here on GS. Except here it's called venting and when somebody else does it it's called gossiping.
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The DIL should move out, work 9-5, pay for the bills and house rent, cook, clean, do laundry and THEN appreciate how it would have been way easier&better for her if she did her part of chores while staying with MIL rather than doing it ALL when MIL is not there to help anymore.
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IF whatever MIL was venting out was indeed a reality then MIL has the right to be annoyed and hurt.
Kudos to the MIL though, that she has still not confronted her DIL on this and coping up the DIL behavior.
If DIL doesn't wish to cook that is alright but then its a shameless thing to have your MIL cook food for you without helping her around and have her feed you. same goes for other house chores. If DIL is living in the house and is enjoying all the things in the house then she is also responsible to take care of the chores.
there are many women who work 9-6, live in a separate house, doesn't have any maids and yet they manage to both work & run the house. the attitude that this DIL is showing reflects that she is from among the people who take undue advantage of others, a word that is coined for them is "Ghunni".
Re: Angry note from MIL!!!!!
Always good not to lie in the rishta-process, but also unrealistic to think you are not going to have to make changes after marriage. You will. And so will he. So you never know, you might end up cooking more than you do now.
I agree with everything else you've said. OP's friend needs to offer to help around the house now, but MIL shouldn't be talking behind her DILs back!!
If MILs talk directly to the DILs or try to make them realize of their responsibilities, the DILs create the scene and complains to everyone that MIL is taunting her, controlling her, doesn't like her blah blah blah. Ab MIL bechari tou will talk behind her DIL back.
Re: Angry note from MIL!!!!!
If the DIL was living on her own, she'd be doing all the things MIL does for her now. So why create a drama, why not take care of them.
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MiL Should not back bite , she should directly talk to her diL about the matter , yes she is right but she should not do so , diL could cook for dinner and the rest of work in the night, she should time table her house chores alongwith job. If MiL is not happy with her job she should talk about it or simply try to help her whatever she complains without making any isSue .. Or arrange any Maid who can do house chores ..
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DIL is also back biting. It is not MIL's job to feed and clean after DIL. If she is doing it, it is out of courtesy.
After over hearing MIL, did the DIL try to take care of some chores?
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DIL is also back biting. It is not MIL's job to feed and clean after DIL. If she is doing it, it is out of courtesy.
After over hearing MIL, did the DIL try to take care of some chores?
she should never back bite , DIL is neither responsible nor sincere ..
She should stop her job if her family is getting irritate , or she must be responsible towards her family and house chores ..
MIL should not complain her friend , she should talk with DIL directly for her mistake ..
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Re: Angry note from MIL!!!!!
But it is the DIL's responsibility to clean and cook for her MIL?