Anger of a Lost Soul
with No Direction, living without Salvation
seeking sanctuary from all this confusion
Troubled by the Abundance of self Hate
realizing a pitiful life
Explanations seem so far fetched
seeking peace at any means
destroying all remaining self esteem
temporary pleasures acting as pain killers
true Happiness seems impossible
Screaming from the top for help
for an answer to a question unknown
Suicidal at every step
thoughts of horrible death
Confusion running wild, claiming an empty soul
thoughts of anger, violent thoughts become violent actions
[This message has been edited by Uzee (edited December 02, 2001).]
People don't realize how many of us are suicidal or seeking help, they just spew doctrines and tell us to read the Quran but it doesn't work too well, it's temporary.
I can probably recount the time in my life when I was suicidal, ironically it was just as terrible perhaps much worse an event that made me snap out of it.
You seem to know exactly why you are messed up, you have all the root causes laid out right there on the table.. That always helps, knowing why you feel the way you do. it's much worse when you don't.
May be you need to sit down one night and let all your anger out.. on a prayer mat, make all your accusations, place all the blames, cry, scream, vent. And when you feel a little calmer, you might just feel a little better. But may be you do that already through your writing, and if it makes u feel better, by all means.. continue. Lets remember though, that it may be other ppl that have caused our lives to be messed up, it may even be like you said, God that puts some of us through hell, but once you realize that, you're in command. Take control, and don't let the rest of your life end up in a mess.
God is all loving, it's the ppl that smear the picture and twist it to suit their guilty consciences.