Anger and Self-Restraint
Edited by Adil Salahi
The Prophet (peace be upon him), who has highlighted for us every aspect of good behavior, repeatedly spoke about anger and the need to control it. We all know that people often do things when angry which they regret afterward. When one is in the flight of anger, one may abuse, verbally if not physically, those who are very close to him. An angry young man can often speak ill to his parents, or to his elders. When some people lose their temper, they commit crimes which they would never contemplate when they are in possession of their senses. We also know that many people divorce their wives when they are in the flight of temper, then they regret what they had said and try to find a way out of their dilemma should such divorce be the third time. They may hire someone as halalah, who would marry the woman for a day and then divorce her to make it permissible for her original husband to re-marry her. This sort of trick is forbidden in Islam and it defeats the purpose because it does not make it lawful for the couple to reunite in marriage.
Because of the great harm anger often causes, the Prophet spoke repeatedly, and in a variety of ways about the importance of self-restraint. One famous Hadith quotes the Prophet as saying: “A strong man is not one who physically overpowers others. A strong man is one who controls himself when angry.” (Related by Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawood and Ahmad).
In this Hadith, the Prophet redefines strength, making clear that it is totally different from what people think. A person may be physically powerful, and he may be able to wrestle with anyone and beat them. He may be able to physically beat two or three persons when he fights them single-handed. Yet he is not truly strong, according to the Prophet’s definition of strength. The one who is truly powerful is the person who, being very angry, is able to exercise self-restraint, controlling his temper and not allowing his anger to get the better of him. We all know this to be true, because we all experience anger and we know that unless we tame our anger with self-control, it can easily make us do what we will soon regret.
The Prophet puts this thought in a different way. Anas reports that the Prophet passed by some people who were wrestling. He asked about the occasion, and he was told that one of them has been too strong for the others, able to beat every challenger. The Prophet said to them: “Shall I tell you about someone who is more powerful than him? A man who is verbally abused by another, but he exercises self-restraint. He thus beat the other person, his own devil and the other man’s devil.” Thus we see how the Prophet uses the occasion of a wrestling match in which people admire physical strength in order to highlight what is more important, which is the need to remain in control even when anger is likely to get the better of us.
The fact that several Hadiths speak about the same thing means that the Prophet attached importance to the subject matter because of its relevance to people’s lives. In the two Hadiths we quoted the Prophet related self-restraint to strength. In another Hadith, he shows that such self-restraint can earn good reward from God. Abdullah ibn Umar quotes the Prophet as saying: “No bitter gulp earns greater reward than that of a person who controls his anger only for God’s sake.” (Related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, Ahmad and Ibn Majah).
In this Hadith the Prophet describes controlling one’s temper as something really bitter which one has to swallow. It is much easier to give vent to one’s anger, hurling verbal abuse on the person who has been the cause of such anger, or even resort to physical action. But when self-restraint is exercised for no reason other than to please God, then it earns great reward indeed. This applies in a situation where the angry person can easily avenge himself on the one who caused his anger, but refrains from doing so, controlling himself in order not to worsen the situation, or to ensure some other benefit.
Yet people do not like to be reminded of this great virtue, particularly when they are angry. The following Hadith clarifies this. Sulayman ibn Sarad reports: “I was sitting with the Prophet when two men were quarrelling and abusing each other. One of them was so angry that his face was red and his veins swelled. The Prophet said: ‘I know a word which would dispel this man’s trouble if he would only say it: I seek shelter with God from the accursed Satan, or A’oodhu billah min al-shaytan al-rajeem.’ People told the man to say it, but he retorted: ‘Do you think I am crazy?’” (Related by Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Al-Nassaie and Abu Dawood).
This example illustrates the sort of reaction angry people may give when they are reminded of the need to control themselves. When the man was told to seek refuge with God against his devil, he retorted that he was not crazy. No one described him as such, and no one would think that seeking God’s protection is a sign of madness, but in his anger the man could not judge things properly. Hence, his angry reaction. Therefore, it is important to study such Hadiths and learn the importance of controlling our temper so that when we get angry we can make use of what we learned and accept advice when we are reminded of the way to control our anger.
Another Hadith tells of a different way to prevent temper from flying high. It is simply to remain silent and to say nothing when one is angry. Ibn Abbas quotes the Prophet as saying: “Teach and make things easy, and if you are angry, remain silent.” He repeated the first part three times and said the second part twice. This Hadith is related by Al-Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad and by Ahmad.
The two parts of the Hadith are not unrelated. Making things easy to learn and to practice is very important. When things are made difficult, people simply would not learn or do them. One thing the Prophet teaches us in this Hadith is self-restraint, and this can be achieved by something that is by no means difficult, which is to remain silent. By doing so, we do not only control our own temper, but it also gives the other person no cause to get angry or to reply to anything.
Source: http://www.arabnews.com/?page=5§ion=0&article=49103&d=3 0&m=7&y=2004
