people who are perpetually confused and are unable to take their deicsions, confidently, do they realize that they are ambivalent?
how can this be carefully confronted by the person, who has this psychological inability of being sure-footed?
any thoughts?
best,
Dushwari
Re: Ambivalence
He may pick one thing in his life which he is confident about.
It may be any activity. It may not be related(directly) to his main path in his life.
But he would learn how to be confident. How trust his ability. And how he could control if results a slightly different from what he expected .
Its like the people who compete in speech competition in schools ,they benefit from it in all fields of their lives.
Re: Ambivalence
people who are perpetually confused and are unable to take their deicsions, confidently, do they realize that they are ambivalent?
how can this be carefully confronted by the person, who has this psychological inability of being sure-footed?
any thoughts?
best, Dushwari
Reaching at a conviction is different from deciding a practical step for yourself or for someone you consider emotionally very close to you. I will not confuse, and hope you haven’t confused the two together, the process of reaching at a conviction with the ability to make a practical decision. Human being , rational animal, generally perceives themselves to have ability to make logical and rational decisions. There are many factors that are considered as cognitive process before we, human, reach at certain conclusion. I will try to look at a few of the factors very briefly, one of the most important factor in decision making is selective attention. **Every vital decision is rehashed around good and bad outcome, what we focus on predominantly comes from our past experiences , success in past makes us bold in accepting more risk associated with one of the likely decision. **Situational awareness **is an ability to hypothesize the future of the affairs after you have decided about a decision that you are going to make. During the process of decision making we also access the **risk and value associated with that risk One of the factors where most of the people in their bid to reach at a decision get stuck is to deal with the uncertainty.
Now, a person who is perpetually confused is undoubtedly ambivalent, whether or not he realizes it. It is very hard to generalize this kind of anomaly and suggest a golden pill that will serve as a cure for all such cases. A case by case study will be very helpful in pin pointing the inadequacies that may be impeding a person from reaching a decision. Accepting the risk and don’t let uncertainty haunt may serve as a good starting point. ** **A fallback or an exist strategy may also be helpful.
Bertrand Russell wrote in one of his books and I quote “The habit of command gives the power of quick decision”, decision whether quick or general needs some success rate in the past
Re: Ambivalence
well a wise man once said, "a wrong decision can be justified but a late decision can't be"
Plus not all the decision have huge impact on life. Some time we could just let the things go.
Re: Ambivalence
intelliphant,
what you said, stands true. and i agree with what you said, although in a diff context.
a concurrent reality is that of being certain internally. when a person is ready to make alibis, makes hay ward decision to forfeit that opportunity to MAKE THINGS CERTAIN, when the person is all out free home GIVEN guarantees, then what do you feel is impeding the person?
something really CANNOT AND DOES NOT BECOME or turn into nothing, unless it is made and turned into nothing, because of one's unidentified fears, past life experiences, emotional impasse' and a trite sense of making a detached move every time, a person makes use of a make shift help and support.
in this situation, then, this case by case is but just that, every which way you look or turn, such a person would gladly hood wink own sort coming/s by projecting them as some kind of over whelming external non-controllable exigencies. and shamelessly make them reasons to fault their support and end up exactly where such a person was before.
Hinging like this, on the availability of the next deceitful entrapment of one’s own and again desolating one’s support does not make sense, does it?
that took care of situational awareness, selectivity and uncertainty.
if anything, many a times, on part of am ambivalent individual, these are crutches.
that person still does not land on land, but fly by the seat of his pants.
and that is sad and this is even more saddening for the one who would have cared for the person, had this person been a little wiser and knew how to handle his ambivalence.
now risk and value or this concept of a golden rule, is useable when one is dealing with objects and tangible gains. these concepts are not a good scale for a confidant partner's and characteristics' measure of the same. for these characteristics are fairness, respect, honor, honesty, confidence, trust and care. these should not be demanded. they should come out of the person's own accord if he is honest and caring in reality. human relations cannot be based on being or having a stale-mate in a person’s image.
any thoughts?
best,
Dushwari
Re: Ambivalence
something really CANNOT AND DOES NOT BECOME or turn into nothing, unless it is made and turned into nothing, because of one's unidentified fears, past life experiences, emotional impasse' and a trite sense of making a detached move every time, a person makes use of a make shift help and support.
As a help provider/support worker its really nice to know these things.
On there other hand if some one do possess these things should try to come out of it in order to get a stronger personality.
Excuse may language but lingering around your past/childhood/bad-times fear can develop a very dangerous pattern in personality.
In medical term its called learned behavior.
For example female medical students in pakistan, when they take psychological disorder courses, start developing similar psychological conditions.
Re: Ambivalence
knockout_artist,
your correlations are absolutely based on your observation, which i tell you can be very prejudgemental against the better of female medical student from Pakistan.
if anything, this panic and paranoia is in males more than in women.
similarly, please know that some men do heavily, heavily... internalize their childhood experiences. they may claim they dont but they do.
that said, the topic of this thread is ambivalance or confusion
in making up one's mind and sticking to a choice.
ideally an adult must make his / her decision on their own and then bear the
consequences following any choice that they knowingly make.
the projection of own short comings by finding alibis, everytime one makes a choice is a habit of the weakest and the most self harming people.
my posts, please know, never engage discussion on belittling anybody.
the focus is always, a general topic and then discussion around it is supposed to be carried out for discussing and not labeling anyone.
thanks for your perspective sharing.
best,
Dushwari
Re: Ambivalence
About the last part, I know you are very polite person.
I alway found your posts very interesting, always wanted to replay but never had chance to re-think my experiences over.
I used that medical student thing for an example.
I do understand the topic of the thread, my take on the issue is, by making certain changes in one's life style one can avoid so many unseen short coming.
Again my examples is from my little less intellectual experiences, see the people who work out regularly are less likely to get sick.
Re: Ambivalence
in these professions of education, practice of mental health and medicine, biases are not at all heathy.
you are absolutely right that by making cert changes in one's life style, on can avoid so many unseen shortcomings.
for instance, drinking and smoking is self destructive.
many women and many men would want it not be present in their spouses or spouses to be. same with insomnia. same with drinking coffee or tea or being alittle or alot careless about general health or sleep.
as long as the person is not going to hurt somebody or him/herself by having any of this habit, a good other spouse will not win by being too critical or judgemental.
best thing to do, is to show by example that somethings are not good.
not by giving fatwas, not by disparaging the WHOLE rest of the person's good aspects.
just be mindful that all correlations that we deduce may infact be all wrong.
there is always one right that will prove all wrongs, wrong.
the wording of 'each to own', is in the scripture.
a person who is stuck in perfectionist's doublestandards, is miserable.
and will remain that way, unless that person realizes that being open minded is not a sin.
best,
Dushwari
Re: Ambivalence
best thing to do, is to show by example that somethings are not good. not by giving fatwas, not by disparaging the WHOLE rest of the person's good aspects. just be mindful that all correlations that we deduce may infact be all wrong. there is always one right that will prove all wrongs, wrong. the wording of 'each to own', is in the scripture. a person who is stuck in perfectionist's doublestandards, is miserable. and will remain that way, unless that person realizes that being open minded is not a sin. best, Dushwari
Couldn't agree with you more.
Agree again.
Well we need to expand that one thing a bit more.
If I care for my family 24/7, then one day my brother do some silly I would get very mad at him. He would still know that I care for him more then any thing but its the little thing I am not too comfortable with.
It like a herd of horses. When young ones do silly things(which can eventually harm them in long run), their moms kick them out of the herd for little while.
When young horses get scared and approach their moms back, their moms don't stand facing them As that would be sign of full attention.
Instead they they turn their side on young horses tell them the are still mad.
Like love is still there respect is there but moms do get the job done working on horses psychology.
Re: Ambivalence
you cant blame the moms. moms may be a real witch, if that is true.
but the little one (in men as adults) coming into a scheme, is solely, the little one's or adult's fault.
in time, learning must take place to be independent.
all men/women as humans, are not he/she horses.
they can be snakes like. yes.
in humans, clear respect for adult child's choice ought to be considered, granted that adult child knows own mind and ishonest and is comfortable with it.
best,
Dushwari
Re: Ambivalence
horse thing was again just an example. I guess on most we agree. on the things about this topic.
Lets start a new topic. May I suggest one?
Re: Ambivalence
^
yes. open your own thread so that everyone can share their perspectives. best,
Dushwari