Am I taking a really extreme step?

[PyariCgudia]

@jaadugar

Alright, I am starting a thread after a long time and this time it’s my personal matter.
I have been married for seven years and have two beautiful children. It was a total arranged marriage (what a joke!) that took place in Pakistan and I barely knew the girl before the marriage. I frequently talked to her on the phone during the time between our engagement and the marriage. Today, I can testify that talking on the phone is no where closer to talking (seeing) in person. I thought I had known her quite a bit before the marriage but I was totally wrong. Even though she had done her masters but she lacked her general knowlege big time. We had totally two different mind sets.
Anyway, I have always thought that things would improve and she would get better with time. She has imroved a bit but not at the rate an average person would have done it. She still spells color as kalar
I added her name into my bank account as a joint owner right after she came to US. I have taken her to vacations at NYC, Canada, Vegas, San Diego, Bahamas, Hawaii, Alaska Cruise etc. She learnt driving fast and I bought her own car right away. As far as I know she was not deprived of anything she wanted to do. Alhamdulillah I am very hard working and am blessed, so money has never been an issue. I let her open a seperate bank account where she could keep her savings even though she doesn’t work at all. I have also bought a house on her name alone (no** mertgage**) and she collects a decent rent from it. Rent money goes to her personal account. The house we live in is masha Allah big. She has 2 cars for herself including a brand new SUV. She has made two trips 2 Pakistan during past 6 years and went home loaded with gifts for her family.
One big problem she has is getting mad on such trival things and when she gets mad she stops talking to me. That really pisses me off. I try to talk to her but she doesn’t respond. Being a full-time house maker, she stops cooking or doing any other household thing for me.
In the past three weeks, she told me a couple of times that she wanted to go to Pakistan but she had to see whether she could afford tickets or not. I looked at her face and asked why would that be a problem? She said, **“I don’t know if you have any money for me or not”? **I told her that money would not be a problem so she could go anytime she wanted to. Last Monday, she told me that she was going to go purchase her and kids’ tickets. I said, “but lets discuss first about how long you are going and also whether I should also go with you or not”. That is all… She stopped talking to me, stopped cooking food etc. I must say that I am used to the fact that she always cooked food and **served me. I have tried to talk to her a couple of times but no response. I am going bunkers now. She doesn’t listen to anybody from her family either so there is not point in talking to anybody.
**
I feel like ending this relationship altogether… In fact I have just filled in a petition for legal seperation.

Am I taking a really extreme step? I can’t take it any more though.

Really?

Let’s break this down, shall we?

1. She mispells “color” and you mispell “mortgage”.

2. You talk as if you’re some god for this lady that you’ve given her so much and now she isn’t “serving” you. Look at the bolded items - you talk like you own her.

3. She is asking whether she’ll have enough money or not to go to Pakistan. She knows you are loaded - no secret about that, as you’re amply showing off here about your wealth. I’m sure she gets it too. So, exactly what have you down to make her feel like she can’t spend the money you earn the way she wants, and she gingerly asks for permission to spend some of the household money so she can see her family? That’s just odd…

Let me tell you something. My dad is not 1% as wealthy as you. However, EVERY YEAR he will ask my mom - do you want to go to Pakistan this year to see your family? I’ll send you and the kids. My mother DECIDES herself whether she wants to go or not, and in my 27 years I never heard my mom gingerly ask my dad for money for a trip the way you say your wife asked you. That rings off alarms in my head. It means she feels you aren’t open to giving her money, and that financial decisions are YOUR decisions, rather than hers.

Did you ever ask her - honey, I have an extra 50,000 - do you want ANOTHER car or do you want to do something else with that money?

Does she get any say in the financial decisions, or you think you’re doing her some favor by buying her outrageously expensive gifts?

And do you think love is bought with money?

So, she is taken aback by something you said and you’re on silent treatment. Fine. Give her some space and tell her how much you care and you’re sorry if you offended her in any way. You’re telling us this side of your story - I bet if she came on here, she’d have a different story of how the conversation went.

For such a small argument you want to file divorce papers?? This woman gave you two kids, and you want to throw her out?

What kind of human being are you. First ask yourself that. Then ask why you didn’t get a better wife.

And to top it off, I dont care how arranged this was - this was YOUR decision to marry her. Now be responsible about it, and stay with the woman and work out your differences.