Am I taking a really extreme step?

Totally agree with Sara. The lady is very immature and irresponsible and not to forget unthankful too.
I wont say that OP is not taking care of his wife and he is not a good husband. If all what he has stated is true then he is one nice husband providing his wife with more than basics of life. She is the one who is not playing her role properly as a good wife. LOVE and RESPECT are earned and it can take time. All you need to do is to keep trying for them if you want them in your life.

Saying this i am not proposing or encourging to go ahead with divorce but i really dont know what to advise in this matter. None of us are going thru it, none of us are in your situation. Do what you think is right.