Am I overreacting?

A potential rishta I met up on a shaadi site I talked with over the phone twice but then he had already booked a ticket to go overseas for 5 weeks and would be returning in January. He had promised that we would talk on the phone before he left and he was supposed to leave today but then never messaged or returned my call when I gave him a ring. If a guy really is interested in someone, he would atleast call before he left to go to another country right?

It looks like he’s already gone because his phone was turned off when I called today. He didn’t even bother letting me know if he’ll contact me from overseas or not. Should I just move on or wait?

Re: Am I overreacting?

You are massively overreacting. After 2 phone cals you are expecting him to inform you of his movements?

Re: Am I overreacting?

Also don't limit yourself to one rishts. Keep options open and looking around

Maybe overthinking. You are not aware of the guy's obligations and priorities. You have not committed to anything so keep your options open.

Re: Am I overreacting?

On the flip side, I can tell you something which might come to your defence when it comes to how you are reacting. My guy best friend started talking to my girl friend and I was the mediator basically. Both showed interest in one another, but the girl showed a bit more interest than the guy. My female friend is Egyptian but lives in Dubai and my guy friend is from Karachi. Anyway, there was already a lot of differences between them, but some sort of attraction brought them together. They started talking on phone, but not much. Just texting a lot. My guy friend was going to visit his friends in Islamabad and he didn't tell her. She found out the night before. She told him to not go. She told him he could have told her before. My guy friend didn't reply back and went off on the holiday and didn't take her seriously.

He came back and now she's massively pissed off at him. In the end both of them cut off contact with one another. It didn't even reach the relationship or dating stage, because of not dealing with the other person in the appropriate manner.

If he was going, he should have informed you. Not necessarily via a phone call - he doesn't have to ring you, but a simple short text. I absolutely agree with you, if someone is really interested in you, they'll keep you in the loop with what's happening in their lives, sometimes even regarding unnecessary extra bits. He's messed it up a bit, and you are right in thinking about it, but I would say don't overreact too much by stressing yourself out on this guy's actions. I doubt it you've fallen in love with this guy after just talking twice or thrice. It shouldn't affect you that much.

Think about it, if you stress over it too much and he's the callous inconsiderate kind for the time being; but still a good match and human being regardless, you're going to miss out on a potentially good relationship. Sometimes few people need time to open up and start caring, even if they like someone or show interest in someone. Have to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he got caught up with things and forgot to call you, or maybe he didn't get the time or the chance. If you get angry, if you read too much into things, you'll lose out in any case. Maybe right now he feels that he does like you or have interest in you, but wants to take things slowly and get to know you better, before committing to giving a lot of his time to you.

Like someone else said, keep your options open and don't let a developing thing affect you this much. You'll know the truth and where you stand soon enough, give it time. Don't tie yourself or your emotions to one particular person, especially if you're looking at rishtas and not going down the date-gf/bf-love-engagement-marriage route. If you were, you could have gone crazy with your feelings for a guy and then leave it to fate to see where it takes you, but over here you've barely known the guy. You haven't even got to know him properly. Can't be overly emotional or sentimental regarding someone you barely know.

Re: Am I overreacting?

He’s said he hates texting so that’s why I just texted if we could talk on the phone before he left and to that replied sure but then he never called yesterday night and it looks like he’s already left since his phone’s off…most likely since he’s on the plane. I’m not being over emotional, I just feel like if he valued or wanted to keep the relation alive that he would’ve made the attempt to keep communication ongoing.
@Dubaiwali
It does make me feel better that i’m not the only one that this type of situation has happened to. Seeing his profile in my accepted list every time on the shaadi site is a bit hard so I removed it. It doesn’t make sense for me to see it every time I log in when I have no idea if this person will even contact me ever again. I’m going to move on for now since he won’t be back for weeks and I haven’t even met him in person yet.

Re: Am I overreacting?

That's the spirit mate, don't let this incident pull you down. Chin up and steady on. 5 weeks is a long time, maybe you'll run in to someone else, if you do and he's a better match good on you, if you don't and the guy's back from his holiday; you'll get to know where you stand when you speak to him. Have some patience.

As for you feeling like that, like I said, he might be inconsiderate and someone who doesn't care at this point, because enough time and emotions haven't been invested at this stage. You need to act like him and keep a distance, until you know exactly where you stand in his life or even if you do.

Re: Am I overreacting?

He's done it before where he hasn't contacted me for a while and then all of a sudden when i text him that if he isn't interested anymore to just let me know so everything is out in the open and I can move on but then he called me promptly after I texted that and we talked for 2 hrs and he seemed interested but then all I was hoping was that he communicate whether I should wait or should I just move forward. I'm not attached to him, it's just human decency to let someone know if he would contact me from where he would be at or should I just wait for him. I have others in the accepted list and you're right, I should keep my options open which I have.

Re: Am I overreacting?

^You are right in saying that it would be the decent thing to do. But the truth is that it's also one of the most uncomfortable and awkward things to do. It's a really awkward position to be in to tell someone outright that you are not that interested in them. You had requested that you both talk on the phone after he told you that he doesn't like to to text. So, now you need to back off and give him space. A guy may not like to text, but any and every guy who is serious about a girl will definitely keep in touch with her regularly because he wouldn't want to lose her to some other guy. He should take more initiative and if your gut feeling is telling you that he isn't, then heed it and respect yourself enough to back off from him.

Go live your life, OP. Don't wait for him. Keep your mind occupied with other things. I would suggest that you maintain your namaz and that you pray istikhara daily. While praying istikhara, don't look for dreams or signs or omens. You are simply asking Allah that if this guy is good for you, that He facilitate the rishta and put barkat in it, and if this guy (in Allah's wisdom) is not in your best interest, that He turn your heart away from him, compensate you with someone better, and that He make you content with His will. Do this every day, and you will find peace. If it's only been a few weeks that you've known this guy, then it's easier to move on in case it's not meant to be. When you've invested several months and a strong attachment; it becomes harder. Be wary of guys that get romantically attached to you too quickly and tell you how "amazing" you are and other proclamations. A guy's words are empty unless backed up with actions...especially actions that provide you with izzat and dignity and that secure you and the relationship (ie ....getting his parents involved and, meeting parents, baat pakki)...anything short of those actions does not come with any guarantees for the future.

It seems as though you are more inclined toward this guy even though you are consider other rishta options as well. What has this guy done to deserve this much regard or care or concern or stress or devotion from you? Has he made any sacrifices for you? Has he taken any concrete actions that indicate that he is 100% vested in you? If he is taking to you one day and then goes MIA for the next several days, then he is being wishy-washy.

You have done everything on your part. You put in effort by expressing your interest in him, and by taking initiative in communication. There is only so much that you can do. You cannot control him or his feelings. And when you recognize that a situation is beyond your control, after uve put in effort, then Allah pe chor do. Because that's all u can do.

I am sorry but it may be just a pass time for him, he may not be serious. I say move on and don't contact him or expect him to contact you. If he was serious, he would have moved things a lot quicker.

Re: Am I overreacting?

I don't think he is interested. People just don't follow this decency part most of the times as they find it rude to say it straight, so just get the hint.

Re: Am I overreacting?

I know it's not what you want to hear, OP. And I understand that it hurts; that's normal. Many of us have been in your position and some of us have experienced it several times. If he is in your qismat, if he's meant to be, it will happen....but don't wait around for him. And it's smart of you to consider other options; I am not as strong as you. I get attached and then it takes me time to detach and move on...and so it's hard for me to consider other options; I have to really push myself to keep an open mind when my heart is elsewhere. You mashaAllah se have a thicker skin. May things become easier for you; Amin.

Re: Am I overreacting?

Sweet Tempe5t, I am very much the type to get emotionally attached but honestly I got attached to people since I was 15 and i've gotten hurt so many times, either by ones that married others when I was in love with them, or they were unfaithful, or they were never attracted to me so i've trained myself to be a heartbreak warrior by now. I will take your advice the advice of others here in the thread and just move on and leave it to Allah and qismat to decide if he is for me.

Re: Am I overreacting?

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Re: Am I overreacting?

What site is this ?

=P

Re: Am I overreacting?

I'm sorry lol, harsh truth time - speaking from much personal experience of these matrimonial site. You spoke to him only twice, you are overreacting. Guaranteed he was probably speaking to other girls at the same time.

Re: Am I overreacting?

One of the biggest problem in desi girls is that they are ready to be a slave or what should i call, a property ? of a man. The one example is right here. Sorry, I am being harsh. That man, called you twice, and you are now waiting for him ? Why ? If he didn't care enough to let you know his where abouts why are you already on the floor for him to wait ? Treat him as a HUMAN not a MAN who is going to rule your life. If a girl of yours would have done so, would you have waited for her call ? I bet you would have 100 of reasons not to talk to her again, why can't you do that here ?

TL;DR: Move On

Re: Am I overreacting?

Move on