Re: am I over reacting?
can we see a pic of you now?
Re: am I over reacting?
Why did you tell him it is okay?
Re: am I over reacting?
please advise if im being too naïve here. .
Yes you are being naive. Your future FIL drinks alcohol occassionally. So your fiance comes from a family where this is acceptable. He hasn't changed his behavior so far. With all due respect, you are an idiot if you for a moment think that he will give up alcohol after marriage. He has already shown you who he is as a man. Either you accept him for who he is (ie. an occassional drinker)...OR find another man whose values/morals are same as yours.
And let me remind you of something else. Your fiance's father...the occassional drinker....will be your future children's grandfather. He certainly isn't going to change his habits b/c of you. So what will you do when your children see their dada drinking alcohol in the future? It's not like your fiance (then husband) is going to be ok with you bad mouthing his father to the kids.
Re: am I over reacting?
Honestly I do not think an occasional drink or two is going to harm anybody.
Disclaimer : I am not a Muslim.
That said, I do not think anybody will give up drinking for his fiancee. I have many friends who have tried. It is just not there in the man's genetics to give up something so easily. He might agree to but he would have it on the sly. That is more dangerous. When you know and he knows that you know that he is an occasional drinker, I do not think he would go overboard drinking. When you force him to stop, he would go overboard when you are not around. Would that be good. Accept it or let go. Do not force him to stop.
Re: am I over reacting?
Honestly I do not think an occasional drink or two is going to harm anybody.
Disclaimer : I am not a Muslim.
That said, I do not think anybody will give up drinking for his fiancee. I have many friends who have tried. It is just not there in the man's genetics to give up something so easily. He might agree to but he would have it on the sly. That is more dangerous. When you know and he knows that you know that he is an occasional drinker, I do not think he would go overboard drinking. When you force him to stop, he would go overboard when you are not around. Would that be good. Accept it or let go. Do not force him to stop.
Agree. I think people are kind of focusing too much on the drinking (maybe rightfully so?) but to me, it's more of a matter of values being compatible and like scherbatsky said...control issues. Whether she finds drinking acceptable or not, she has to decide if it's a dealbreaker/he has to decide if it's worth giving up or not.
Re: am I over reacting?
Agree. I think people are kind of focusing too much on the drinking (maybe rightfully so?) but to me, it's more of a matter of values being compatible and like scherbatsky said...control issues. Whether she finds drinking acceptable or not, she has to decide if it's a dealbreaker/he has to decide if it's worth giving up or not.
I agree with what Sara has said about compatibility.
However...as you mentioned it OP I'm assuming this isn't a practice found in your family hence why it got to you?
It's a case of:
either you accept he drinks (no controlling from you to how much and when etc as this won't help)
you walk away now
Also, you will need to understand that if it's something your FIL/BILs/Husband does then it's likely no one will stop the next generation either. Will you be fine with that? You cannot expect your future kids not to drink if the environment around them is allowing them to do so.
Re: am I over reacting?
relationships that start when the guy is 18, never last. guys are so immature at that time. they're never able to stick to the same grl by the time they're 25. move on