So has C... but .. again.. embarrassing her? LOL.
So because I prefer to speak about an issue that affects the family as a while... with my family... I'm embarrassing her?
Not all families are the same, yes, but my family talk things out. We don't just brush things under the rug and wait for them to go away.
Care to share what this issue is that's affecting the whole family? Trust me I don't believe in brushing things under the carpet. With the little information you provided your actions do sound "being too hard."
Unless you found a photo/video of some sort or a message from a 40 year old paedo then you are being too hard.
And you are getting advice here but acting as if you are being criticized!
If it's one thing I've learned...a girl wearing a short sleeve shirt or talking to a guy is the desi equivalent of being a stripper or having premarital sex. :o
I don't understand why people open threads asking if they did the right thing or not when in fact they just want to be reassured/boost their ego and agree with them totally.
If it's one thing I've learned...a girl wearing a short sleeve shirt or talking to a guy is the desi equivalent of being a stripper or having premarital sex. :o
OH MY :O
but don't desis in desiland do that? or is it because of the all evil amereeka influencing the impressionable teens...
@ OP: Since you yourself happen to be only 22, I'm going to ignore many of you commments. But I will clarify certain points b/c you obviously mis-read many of the points I was trying to make.
1) I didn't say that your parents were to somehow be "blamed" for the way your sister is (ie. the "epitome of a ABCD" in your own words). But what you need to realize is that neither is your sister. There is nothing "wrong" with your sister wanting more freedom and being a "ABCD" since that is the enviornment she was brought up into. It's not a matter of right vs. wrong. Despite being raised in the same exact enviornment....you ended up more into your culture etc....that's great. But to call your sister ABCD is also very narrow minded of you. She's not "confused" about anything. As far as she's concerned, from what you've written.....she considers herself an American.
2) I love how you still haven't mentioned any details about what exaxtly you saw on the phone that made you feel that you needed to take IMMEDIATE action. You still haven't mentioned anything about what you sister has ever done to justify your snooping through her private items. No mention of what her friends have done to justify you not trusting them. Of course, you're not obligated to share those details. But when you choose to open a thread asking whether or not you went too far in your actions.....it's very difficult to say without knowing just how extreme/dangerous your sister's behavior is.
3) No, not every "issue" needs to involve every single member of the family. That's why I asked who exactly is "everyone" b/c I was trying to see if there are other actual "adults"(ie. grandparents for example) involved here. If by "everyone" you're only referring to yourself, your mother, and your 14 year old brother....then that's ridiculous. If the 16 year old is going to be talked to about her behavior and the consequences of that behavior....the 14 year old has no business being involved in that discussion. The mother and/or the father should handle it privately. I can see you being involved since you're the one who snooed and found the "evidence".....but the 16 year old doesn't need to be disciplined in front of the 14 year old.
I'm not even sure why you opened this thread b/c based on what you wrote, it's clear that YOU do not believe that you did anything extreme. And it's also pretty clear that you do not remember what its like being 16. Forget the hormonal 16 year old trying to be a "normal teen".....even I don't understand the rational behind your behavior based on the information provided. I truly wish you all the best with your form of "discipline". But god forbid if your sister ends up being one of those teens who feels isolated and ends up being resentful of the treatment she receives at home, and bolts as soon as they turn 18 (or 21).....don't be surprised
Imposing restrictions on teenager is like adding fuel to the fire. Lets make this discussion general and disregard the location. Desi in general are pendu but there are some moderate pendu too. It is all about to understand the values of your teenager sister. She may consider those desi pendu, but it is nothing more than her age factor and I personally believe that a time will come when she would easily get along with those pendus people too. You also recognize that you are more desi than your sister and this is what major difference between you and your sister. Considering her ABCD is not going to help but will create more tension. Don’t you think her early upbringing was done by your parents. It looks to me that your parents are ok with her but you are not.
It is good sign that you know her problem (constant same routine) and her concern is 100% valid. You may help her by allowing her to get with selected and reliable friends and she would also compromise on this point if she is sincere with her fun time. I think, she may interested in cinema/movie/restaurant stuff.
Let her know that cell phone/Internet connection is a favor given by parents and positive and decent use can keep this favor uninterrupted. Last but not least, you are in difficult situation and she may view you as enemy.
OH MY :O
but don't desis in desiland do that? or is it because of the all evil amereeka influencing the impressionable teens...
Nahiiii...see...ppl back home sab kuch kar te hain......and it's ok to a n extent... but an American girl does it, and it raises so many ppls blood pressure.
@ OP, I'm just cuirous, I see that yhou deleted your post and wrote "Point Proven"... can u explain exactly what point you were trying to prove? doesnt' seem like you were interested in getting any advice.
but there are some moderate pendu too. It is all about to understand the values of your teenager sister. She may consider those desi pendu, but it is nothing more than her age factor and I personally believe that a time will come when she would easily get along with those pendus people too. You also recognize that you are more desi than your sister and this is what major difference between you and your sister. Considering her ABCD is not going to help but will create more tension. Don’t you think her early upbringing was done by your parents. It looks to me that your parents are ok with her but you are not.