a cousin of mine is getting married at the same time as me. things are wierd because i feel like she's always been in competition with me. we were closer as children, but things got wierd after her brother became obsessed with me. little incidents have occurred over the years which made me feel like she was harboring ill will towards me, and only recently has she started being sugary sweet to me.
now she keeps mentioning that we should have a joint dholki and i'm really uncomfortable with the idea, first of all, because I am not close to her and secondly because I dont feel like sharing the limelight since every bride just gets a few days.
its to the point where i would rather not have a dholki at all rather than share a stage with her. am i being selfish about this?
Hey Jalebi,
I've highlighted in red the above comments from your post. No, sweetheart, you're not being selfish. Very few brides would want to share the limelight with another bride. And for the few who are able to do so.....well that's their own personal choice. There is much stress involved in the various wedding ceremonies.......and you deserve to feel like a queen on the various wedding celebrations (dholki all the way to valima). The wedding day is mostly about the bride........hence the song, "Here comes the BRIDE." It's not "Here comes the Groom"........and it certainly isn't, "Here comes the brides (in plural)." It is your special day/s.........you are the star.....let it be about you. If you're receiving parental pressure on sharing the dholki with your cousin........then try to convince your parents that you prefer to have it separate.
It's possible that she wants to share her dholki with you...to split the cost maybe? So that it's not expensive? When two families of two brides...who are related.....are conducting a celebration on the same day......there's less to do and less to pay. That might be a motive....although I'm not positive. Because if her intention is to become "closer" to you......then she has many other DAYS and WAYS to accomplish this.....not necessarily through joint-dholki. Know what I mean? She can make the attempt to "bond" with you in other ways as well......besides "joint-dholki".
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TRUST YOUR INTUITION!** If this girl has treated you wrong in the past so many times........you have every right to be wary and suspicious of her. If you don't get a good vibe, don't go with it. Better to be safe than sorry. And once again, you're not being selfish. You're just being a bride like majority of the other brides. You're not obligated to share your dholki with her....especially after her rude behavior toward you. If you don't trust her....don't go with it. I repeat....better safe than sorry.
You're not obligated to like your cousin. You can respect others without loving them. And you can reject offers respectfully as well. That doesn't make you a bad person. Yes, there are two sides to a story.........but since you've already mentioned in your post that your cousin is competitive and that she hasn't treated you nicely in the past........I don't blame you for wanting to be cautious and having your reservations toward her. It's hard to trust someone who doesn't respect you.