Re: am i being selfish?
I dont think you're being selfish. As a bride, you only get these moments once in your lifetime, Inshallah. You shouldnt have to feel bad about having the limelight because IT IS YOUR limelight. It IS all about you right now. Do what you want to do GUILT-FREE (without hurting others of course).
The only reasons I can think of as to why she must want a joint dholki are:
She is trying to make an effort to be close to you.
She may feel sharing expenses can help.
If you like her and want to mend your relationship, you can consider the joint dholki. But dont feel you have to or it would be wrong of you if you didnt.
You're the bride and this is your stage. You get to choose whose on it and whose not.