my nan passed away 2 weeks ago, and since then the family is doing khatams and every thursday food is being prepared, whoever does the foodfor that day is bringing too much and over the top style food, things like fancy sweetdishes and other stuff, which all is abit show-offy and nothing to do with islam…
anyway i wanted to provide food for one thursdday my husband said no, he said its not islamic, itsbetter to give that money to charity and say its for ur nan, rahter than spend it on food for ourselves…
hes got a point, but how do we explain this to our relatives who will find it odd, theyl say well if u wana follow islam then why do u celebrate birthdays etc…
tell them you have to follow what the man of the house decrees best for his household. something along the lines of mere mian ko nahi pasand, we are sending money instead
most women that find faults with such things are strict followers of what their husbands think best ... so they wont question anything that your husband says. khatum kahani...
khatums for some ppl are a part of islam.. for some its a bidat. but ppl that DO do khatums, say its an islamic thing.
birthdays arent being done to signify anything islamic.. its not necessary for one to do a bday but ppl think its necessary to throw khatums left right and centre cuz its islamic.. for example, when someone passes away.
what do u mean....? i know we dont, but are we doing khatams in the name of islam?
Well I thought you said that if tell your family that khatams aren't necessarily Islamic, they'll retort back with saying that why do you celebrate birthday if you are so concerned about Islamic and non Islamic rituals. So my response would be that we don't celebrate birthdays to signify Islam. No harm in calling cultural rituals cultural.
I know people in Pakistan who distribute clothes and food to the needy in the loving memory of their dead ones, which I certainly approve, whether its a straight up Islamic requirement or not, I'm not too sure but serving humanity certainly can never be unIslamic. But to make fancy food and eat amongst yourself and turn the occasion into some social gathering in the name of Islam is so not needed.
As others have said just explain that you and your husband would prefer to donate that money to charity to feed people who are struggling to feed themselves rather than doing a khatam for extended family here in the UK who have no such issues.
The best thing you can do for your grandma is to pray for her.
I am not sure how food is related with Khatam, but here is the deal.
If Khatam means reading quran and doing dua for the deceased then I dont think that its biddat.
if people bring food to feed the participant because host family is really not in a situation to cook (because of grief and number of people visiting) then there is nothing wrong with that, in fact its sawab in my opinion.
Unless the day of Thursday is picked because people think that it has some religious significance, and its just a convenient day for the whole family to get together then there is nothing wrong with that.