Yesterday My Friend asked me that kya tum mujhse engagement karogee.I said Ok.but i did this because i have something in my mind.He is from a different sect,and he is saying that i am going to leave my sect after two years before getting married.I am taking this risk because somebody said that if i am searching a guy on my own i have to take the risk.I am taking this risk because i ahve faith in ALLAH that INSHA ALLAH his mind is going to change and he is going to change his sect.but on the other hand i have this thing in my mind that if he wont change the sect i will leave him.I am confused actually so tell me wat shud i do.He asked me for the NIKKAH but i refused because of some family problems he cant leave the sect right now.so i prefer to get engaged so that i can know him and feed this thing in his mind that he shud leave his sect.WAT DO SAY ABOTU THIS PEOPLE?
and if Mr SKHAN will read this i want to tell him that i want the guy to change his sect for the sake of sawab.kyon k kisi ko bhi ALLAH ka shareek tehrana gunah hai.So that is the only reason i want to take this decision.and few minutes back i was telling the maasee in our office that she shud also leave her religion she is christian.i tried my best and she is interested in ISLAM and she alkso accepts all tha facts but she just cant accept it because of the same problem that her family community and other people are going to be agianst her and she cant afford this.ab mein maasee se to shaadi kar nahi saktee jo mein yeh chahoon k wo islaam qabool karlay:p .Being a muslim its our duty that if somebody is doing wrong we shud stop him/her. I may not be a true muslim in the sense of saying my prayers or about he roza,but ALLAH k FAZAL se i ahev my concepts very clear k ALLAH EK HAI.aur Hazrat MUHAMMED MUSTUFA:saw: aakhri nabi hain.so i shud come to the point i need ur advice.
Re: All Of U,i Need Some Advice
whats his sect?
why do u want to change him? for sawab?
Re: All Of U,i Need Some Advice
Hmmmm. First of all I think you dont mean "sect" but "religion" Cuz if someone is doing shirk that mean he/she does not belong to any sect of Islam but belongs to another religion.
second. You ever heard of doing the right thing for the wrong reason? so if he changed his beliefs just cuz he wanted to be with you that will be the case.
So if you want to earn sawab then u wont get it like this. Just keep preaching to him and there is no deadline for that, that he should change in 2 years or in 10 years. If he ever believed with true heart that what you are saying is right then he should change.
sorry but to me it sounds more a business deal than a rational effort to show someone the right path.
Re: All Of U,i Need Some Advice
If he changed his "sect" would he actually change his beliefs, or simply maintain his old beliefs in his heart whilst outwardly doing the actions of his new belief to make you happy?
Re: All Of U,i Need Some Advice
b/w what sort of marriage agreement is this? i'll change my sect if u marry me.... or i'll only marry u if u change ur sect?
Re: All Of U,i Need Some Advice
you talking about his sect or religion??????????///
Re: All Of U,i Need Some Advice
may be ur saying this because ur nto in the situtaion and he his not from a different reliigon he is aga khani.i preach him almost daily.u may be right but i dont have 10 years.kisi ko badalnay k liye ek pal kaafi hota hai.he asked me that is it one of ur conditions and i said no i cant force u to do such things and we shud not talk about htis marriage thing.lets be practical.and then he decided to leave his sect.mein ne to yeh kaha tha k we will be gud friends, and i also mention this that i dont want u to change ur sect bcauuse of me.i want u to change it because of u.
Re: All Of U,i Need Some Advice
kiara, I think I was confused I didn't think of sect as a religion. If you're trying to convert someone to Islam that's very commendable. But a word of caution, this "I'll only marry if you convert" condition can be a bit tricky as you can never be sure of a person's real intention. I have seen many conversion cases where the guy/girl do convert but only by name and nothing else. I think you should be upfront about your intention, that you're only interested if he can convert. This will be better than trying delay tactics which will only waste time. Be careful and good luck.
Re: All Of U,i Need Some Advice
thanx skhan this is the point which is confusing me.this is the matter of my life.he is a nice person.but when it comes to our believes i just cant compromise on that.and i dont want my kids to go to jamatkhana.it was adn it is my dream that one day my son is going to hold his fathers' hand and go to the mosque.and trust me,it feel so good when u imagine this.
Re: All Of U,i Need Some Advice
I say, don’t go thru with it…just my opinion…cos there’s no guarantee in changing him PLUS u shudn’t go into a relationship/marriage thinking ur gona change ur partner…it’s like asking for trouble…it’s brilliant that a person wants to convert, but like someone said, they wud not be doing it for the rite reason in this case…don’t ruin a good friendship, if u can still have one that is…cos once a guy has asked u to be more than just friends and it doesn’t happen, then it’s hard to rebuild that friendship again…anyway if u do decide to go thru with the marriage, i fear that this issue will keep coming up and heap havoc in ur lives…if u need to get to know him a bit more, u don’t have to get engaged, give it a few more months (though i think it mite not make a difference)…it’s good to take risks sometimes, just make sure ur taking it on the rite guy…and only u know who is rite for u…like i said in the other thread, don’t stress so much about finding someone, i know it’s hard…but pray and leave it up to Allah…Inshallah i will pray for u again…keep thinking positive and i hope u make the decision that is the best for u 
Re: All Of U,i Need Some Advice
u know wat i am glad that i am here and people like u and skhan are here to advice me sincerely.thanx:)
Re: All Of U,i Need Some Advice
he will change his sect because of u not after inspiring islam.how can u say that he will keep his promise after merriage.there r lot of non muslims its mean we got married all of them.no, we need to build consious in them.for this firstly we need be strong in our faith.when anyone get true luv of islam he dont make any excuse remember that.i want to tell u its completely risk.nothing els.it may be i m saying that couz i dont luv anyone.
Re: All Of U,i Need Some Advice
I had a shia friend, he fell in love with an Ahmadi girl, their affair lasted 6/7 years and then he finally converted to an Ahmadi and married her. He told us friends that he has not really changed his beliefs and only did it so that her family would let him marry her. It was all very ugly for all of us friends as both families got us involved. I still remember his mother calling us and crying on the phone, his brother asking us to change his mind and all. At one time they even started blaming us for encouraging him. His family didnt attend the wedding and we didnt want to either but then he cried to us that someone has to attend from his side. His mother and brother has not spoken to him or met him since. He even asked us to talk to his family to accept him back and his wife, lekin I dont think anyone even tried to help him out on that. Now he is a lonely man living in NY, sends me an e-mail once in a while, marriage is also breaking down as he thinks he sacrificed a lot and didnt get much in return, you know all the stuff that happens after such marriages.
So my question to you Kiara is that are you willing to make that kind of a sacrifice? My friend was a man, not meant as a sexist statement, but it is the reality in our culture, men do get away with a lot. You, my dear girl, should decide if your love for this man is strong enough that you are willing to let go of the rest of your family. And let me tell you that a lot of issues will be raised when your parents find out about this.
Personally, I would have avoided such a situation from the very beginning, knowing my bounds. You should do that as well, and as soon as possible.
Re: All Of U,i Need Some Advice
Kiara, I don't think you know him that well. You are wishing a lot, like other girls do. They think after meeting a guy or marrying will change him. Wishing doesn't make it so, I believe you are young. Marriage is a good thing but you have to give your relationship some time. How much do you trust him? How long you've known him? How well you know him? Don't go into any relationship whether he/she is muslim or not without knowing. That's the simple advice. Take your time get to know him better, sometimes doesn't matter the religion is different people work things out and sometimes despite having the same religion/sect things don't work out. Give yourself time and try to understand him and your relationship. In the end, he is not the only guy in the world.