All mothers,fathers gather around.(even future M/F)

Lifestyle Relationships
1

So you learned life doing you own experiments. You always had a desire to be a good person.
Finally you achieved it.

Now you have babies. What do you tell them ?
How you present you self??

Just let them see how you do things NOW. Or tell them how You used to do them with the desire to improve and how you finally achieved your target.

Very very small example Today I refused to use illegal copy of software.
In past I have used it.

It could be any thing cheating in the school. Getting things done in less then graceful way.
Any thing.
Point is you don’t do it any more. You grew out of it.

NOW how you will present your self to your kid ?

2

Re: All mothers,fathers gather around.(even future M/F)

Thats actually a good thread. Kids learn from their parents. Some of them might grow up and might be better of differentiating from whats right and whats wrong. However, many lack this perception and therefore its really important for the parents to present themselves as a good example.

However, sometimes its prudent to let a kid make a mistake (under a careful watch, provided its not going to get him into too much trouble) and let him face the consequences.

3

What parents should know?

Our Priorities . . .

While it is important that as a community we should be aware of the various social and moral issues, it should be a much higher priority for parents to be well informed and aware of potential dilemmas. Specifically, all parents should be aware of issues that may be challenging their children and/or leading them away from the path of Islam. In next few lines, we are highlighting the more common issues in today’s society to create and awareness amongst parents and our young generation.

POTENTIAL HARMS

**

  • THE INTERNET
  • DATING
  • DRUGS
  • WORKING

**WHAT CAN YOU DO???

Open Communication

This cannot be stressed enough. Make it a daily habit to talk with your children, rather than just ask them questions, initiate a conversation with them in which they contribute their ideas and feelings. This allows you to understand your child and gauge how they think.

Did you know?

Internet

As children progress through the school system, their interaction with computers increases, for academic and personal reasons.

Although the Internet provides students with a massive and comprehensive sea of knowledge, it also exposes them to potential harm, specifically Net Chat’s as well as File Sharing Software.

Parents should . . .

  • Set up the computer in a common place within the home, where there tends to be a high amount of traffic (for example, kitchen, living room).
  • Try to familiarize themselves with the basic functions of computers by having their children teach them small lessons a week. This gives the parents an opportunity to ask questions and creates a bond between children and parents.
  • Check Internet web page browsing history at least 2 or 3 times a week.
  • Parental control features have provided with most Internet Service Providers (ISP). Make sure that the Internet service that you signup for has Parental control.

Dating

In non-Muslim countries, with integration of sexes at work, school and other general areas, the risk of children/youth dating increases. Many factors contribute to this trend of dating such as television, movies, certain music, internet, peer pressure, lack of religious knowledge or Taqwa.

Parents should . . .

  • Know who their children’s friends are, invite them over, this enables you to watch them and know the type of company they keep.
  • Familiarize their children with Islamic traditions and explain to them the good teachings of Ahmadiyyat
  • Spend time with their children, keep them busy with family/Jama`at activities, so as to avoid being bored or wasting time hanging out with friends.
  • Openly discuss the harm of dating, including the repercussion it may have on their reputation and the social ills it leads to (for example, diseases, broken families etc.).

Drugs

Drugs can now be bought at school and neighborhood parks.

Drugs are being abused by all age children and during anytime of the day.

Prescription drugs are being misused and even sold to other children (for example, Ritalin). Parents need to observe their children for any changes in their behavior/appearance.

Parents should . . .

  • Keep communication open; your children will not be willing to discuss things with you if you are too judgmental and harsh. Show them that you respect their opinions and care for their feelings, although you may not agree with their views. At least then, they are willing to listen to you and may give you a better chance to get through to them.
  • Encourage their children from a young age to respect themselves, their bodies and all the capabilities that Allah has blessed them with.
  • Frequently compliment their children, their skills, and their strengths.
  • Discuss the negative impact of drugs, including smoking and drinking, on ones life, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
  • If you suspect your children are involved in drugs, GET HELP immediately.

Working

For many students a part-time job becomes necessary to cover increasing family/personal expenses or is wanted to earn more disposable income.

Although a job can provide students with many skills that may assist them in their future, a job may not be necessary for all students, especially those who demonstrate challenging behavior.

Parents should . . .

  • Not encourage students to get a job, unless a job becomes a necessity to supplement a family’s income,
  • Encourage children to use their spare time to serve Jama`at or contribute to household chores.
  • Have older siblings responsible in spending some time with younger siblings and sharing a fun activity together, like reading.

Jazakallah!

4

Re: All mothers,fathers gather around.(even future M/F)

Parents should know....

...to LOVE their children. And let them know they are loved.

...Pay attention to them. They need attention.

If they get these things, all else will follow.

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[quote]

Working

For many students a part-time job becomes necessary to cover increasing family/personal expenses or is wanted to earn more disposable income.

Although a job can provide students with many skills that may assist them in their future, a job may not be necessary for all students, especially those who demonstrate challenging behavior.

Parents should . . .

  • Not encourage students to get a job, unless a job becomes a necessity to supplement a family’s income,
  • Encourage children to use their spare time to serve Jama`at or contribute to household chores.
  • Have older siblings responsible in spending some time with younger siblings and sharing a fun activity together, like reading.

Jazakallah!
[/quote]

why is working a bad thing? never heard of this one before

6

parents set examples for their kids.

i know someone who was beating his kids, when told to stop, he said 'my dad never loved me, so how can i love my kids'. what to expect from his kids when they have their kids?

same person has criminal record, wife is very religious but encourages him to do fraud so she can afford her luxury life style. left their daughter under 15 at a relatives home, in a village in pak as they think west is bad influence on her and husband takes the boys (under 10) to adult parties, where everyone drinks, watch movies and plan for their future (fraud).

what will boys be like when they grow up? i can predict their future now.
and the girl, i have always felt sorry for her. even though her parents are alive, she lives the life of an orphan.
i think her parents are bad influence not the west. and if they all grow up as criminals, i dont thinks its their fault.

kids do wat they see their parents doing, whatever good or bad. they will copy them.

7

Doesn't matter what you have done in the past, once you've stopped - you leave it all behind. You don't need to feel obliged to tell your kids every bad thing you've done in your youth, etc.

Also, there is no need to feel guilty or hypocritical when preventing them from commiting the mistakes you've committed yourself. Present yourself as an ideal role model. Kids are essentially what their parents are.

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Re: All mothers,fathers gather around.(even future M/F)

^ I agree. Raising kids is hard. They don't come with a training manual (unfortunately). However, be the best you can be with what you know. That's all.
Remember, we are not born parents, we become parents. We make mistakes too as parents. As your child grows as a child, you grow as a parent. Learn and nurture as you go along.

9

Well to teach right n wrong to the kids one needs to be a good rolemodel!!and it doesnt help if one keeps telling the kids that hey I did this n this wrong earlier in my life....just stick to what u want them to learn and hide ur mistakes from ur kids...in other words: pretend to be perfect;)

I cant wait to have kids and teach them good things:D In our family we will teach them right and wrong according to Islam and the kids can choose themselves whether they want to keep being part of Pakistani culture or not. I am already growing out of much of it and I dont think my kids will be so fouced on it either.