Greetings, Earthling. I come bearing glad tidings of the Hyetis Crossbow, a smartwatch with built-in mechanical movement and a 41-megapixel “life camera” designed to record your every motion and emotion. The watch comes to you from the Deepest Corners Of Outer Space where it was (most probably) hatched from the egg of a cyborg lifeform. It costs one thousand and two hundred of your so-called “Earth Dollars.” We have written “Swiss Made” on the back to fool your puny minds.