Aim vs Life Partner!!

Lifestyle Relationships
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We were having a discussion this evening with our friends and I thought to have your views about that… in order to know what you all think about it.

The discussion was about Specific people who, because of their Aim(s), choose their life partner.

To make it more easy, generally when one wants to get married, he/she is more interested in Person’s Overall Personality. Like, his job, education, profession, salary, family status, family background, physical appearance, age and the characteristics of his personality i-e; kind, loving, caring, sharp or whatsoever!!!

Now, there are kind of people out there, who, when want to get married, totally ignore the above criteria and are more interested to get married to someone just for their own aims, like getting settled, having visas, or in some cases, having have support financially to start any business, or getting into a particular profession, to become rich, to get fame (when getting married to someone who is famous, and as an example I don’t know why but I think Ashwariya and Abhishek married mainly because of each other’s fame..totally my view and no this is not what we will discuss in the entire thread that what was their marriage based on :hehe: its just used as an example)… and many more! More accurately, not interested in the Person but to be interested in ownself’s aim and marrying someone for own desires or fulfilling own aims.

I was just wondering that choosing a life partner for you is a lifetime choice one makes and it should be totally based on the person himself.. because you are choosing someone to spend your entire life with and it should be an honest decision to yourself. Some said, to some people their aim is more important than having a partner so the choices they make are more based on who-can-fulfill their aim than how-my-life-will-be-with-this-person!!

It just kept me thinking, how can people do that?? Is the aim really THAT important that you forget for a moment, what kind of person you are marrying to? In my opinion, would such marriages work longer??? Because mostly, you are with him/her for materialistic things and not for what he/she is??? Does and can it NOT effect your life??

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Re: Aim vs Life Partner!!

Everyone is wired differently. To some people, relationships and family are everything in life. To others, their blind ambition knows no limits. While most normal people we encounter in our daily life look for compatible personality traits in a partner, we also see examples of people who take advantage of others for their own selfish motives. We also see people who are incapable of loving anyone other than themselves. The world is full of crazies. Why does it come as a surprise to you?

Does their quality of life suffer if they place more importance on ambition than love? Probably not. Everyone wants different things from life. What affects one person doesn't impact the second person in the same way.

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Re: Aim vs Life Partner!!

Madz, I am not surprised. I am just wondering. I totally agree with what you have said above. I was just thinking that how can be someone selfish enough to even ignore his partner and emphasis more on what he can get from the other person (his partner, and I used here other person, because its just another person to him and not a companion to spend his life with).

However, my answer is different to your second para question, I think it should be yes. Why not? Why would it not effect his quality of life? Ok, maybe not HIS quality of life but the life of his partner???

Yes, by other means, I am just keep wondering, how can someone be really selfish?? Is it their enthusiasm for spending their life in a certain way? Is it their ego? Or what??? Ok... to be more precise, to some people, how can be their aim more important than their Love?? Love that they can get from their life partner! Someone they can rely on in their entire life?? Does not every human need some"one" really special...whom he can share his life with??

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Re: Aim vs Life Partner!!

What if you manage to score both? A person you're compatible with, who'll help you with your goals in life. Better yet they have the same goals as you. Wouldn't that be wonderful spending your life with somebody, working towards what both of you desire. The other person might have the financial resources or the social network to help with that goal and you might be the one with the plan.

You probably thought about your goals and what you wanted from life, while considering your present husband for marriage. Did you not weight the pros and cons of marrying him?

It's not any different for someone who has some specific goals, goals that are just too big to handle on your own. If you're a person who's driven like that, marrying someone laid back would probably cause conflicts. The other person might want to enjoy the finer things in life, while you're busy toiling away.

As long as there is some attraction and compatibility And both parties know the other person's motivation for being in the relationship, it's pretty fair. It gets twisted when you trick somebody to get what you want, when you're not honest about your motives.

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Re: Aim vs Life Partner!!

Obviously. That's what I meant.

What you explained above is a totally different scenario & is a best example to spend your life according to your aims and desires. What would be more perfect than this situation when two people are on the same page!!
But being selfish and thinking about your own, makes me think, can effect your life in longer run because there comes a time, when you need someone more than your aims.... or you say, when aims are fulfilled, you tend to see out of the circle and that makes you realize the kind of choice you made in choosing your other half.

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Re: Aim vs Life Partner!!

Not necessarily. For some people it's just one goal after another. That's what it's all about, keeping yourself occupied. And you're forgetting about kids. People have kids, who love their parents unconditionally, forgiving them for all their flaws. There's always something.

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Re: Aim vs Life Partner!!

:(

I can't help agreeing to you.. ese log bhi hotay hain dunya main :/ I don't know... but at least, that makes ME feel bad... for some, it might not be a big issue... !!

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Re: Aim vs Life Partner!!

You reap what you sow. Assuming luck is on their side, someone who runs after money will find it in the end and someone who craves true love will also get it too. Key is to be content with what you have. Person A wants a loving spouse, gets one, lives a happy life then 30+ years later if suddenly person A has the epiphany that their spouse didn't push them enough to realize other goals in life, that's not fair. Similarly, person B who wanted material goods/power/money/fame/etc and got it (knowing what they were compromising on), then they don't get to complain about the other missing components later on.
Of course, most people fall somewhere in between. Most guys/girls, who get married with the primary goal of going abroad, still want a stress-free marriage, an understanding spouse, and kids. Very rarely do we see the extreme cases where someone is too low key and just wants a simple life, or someone who wants anything and everything even at the expense of relationships.
Does it affect their quality of life? I maintain that it probably does not. It will only impact them if their own priorities shift at some point.

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Re: Aim vs Life Partner!!

Let's get out of America and face the reality of 80%population of this world who struggle day in and day out just to stay alive. Will a loving spouse be their top priority ? ... I doubt . They will be more interested in financial security and stable life .

Different people have different situation so we can't judge them by same criteria .

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Re: Aim vs Life Partner!!

Funnily, the so called personality traits in bold have everything to do with the "aim" of attaining financial stability via the spouse.

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Re: Aim vs Life Partner!!

looking for the "traits in bold" in your life partner is normal. But looking mainly for the "traits in bold" specifically for satisfying your own desires or means & marrying someone only on the basis of such traits to attain your aims is something different.

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Re: Aim vs Life Partner!!

Its indeed a complicated thing. I can't seem to understand how people can base such important decisions of their life ....one they hopefully will live with all their life....on factors like getting citizenship, getting financial support, etc.

But in the end, each to their own.